Friday, May 06, 2016

"My God, It's Full of Stars!"

Schneider




1. Butt Inflation Woman discovers her mutant power.

2. "Damn it, Billy, just because it's called 'fisting' doesn't mean you use your actual fist!"

3. "And you did it without both hands and a flashlight. I'm proud of you, Billy."

4. Linda's odd fetish for young guys with beer guts led to both her teaching job in the Kentucky Public Schools and her subsequent jail term.

5. "My hamster!"

Wednesday, May 04, 2016

Now He's a Koala and He's Cute as a Button



1. "Join me... and together we can rule the galaxy."

2. Two more carbon-based life forms that would be better presidents than Hillary or Trump.

3. The first human-marsupial wedding in Massachusetts deteriorated rapidly.

4. "Aw, baby, don't be like that. She meant nothing to me."

5. "Would you, could you, in a tree?/ Pull this finger, just for me?" "I would not, could not, in a tree./ Or at a dance, or spelling bee./ I'd do it not, in spring or fall,/ I will not do it, not at all."‹

Monday, May 02, 2016

Burn, Baby Burn



1. "Pick up the Muslim hitchhiker, you said. What's the worst that could happen, you said."

2. ORA: Wings Hauser warned you about microwave croissants.

3. "Let the kids ride in the back, you said. What's the worst that can happen, you said."

4. The world's first all-electric RV based on the Chevy Volt suffered some teething pains.

5. "Forget Yosemite, Let's camp in Ferguson Missouri, you said, It'll be a hoot, you said."