Wednesday, July 02, 2014

One of Those Days


1. "Good Morning, Miss Lohan. Here for your enema?"

2. Good morning, Obama Presidency Metaphor #2468.

3. And another Russian commuter begins her workday.

4. "Dammit, this would happen on the day I was supposed to back up Mrs. Lerner's emails. I guess I'll just call in."

5. "So, did America win the big kickball tournament?"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    The Facebook photo all parents of kids in college dread seeing... especially if it's their son.

Best of dadoctah
    Smart Car. Ur doin it rong.
Best of racerboy
    ORA: "Sweetie Dahling!!!"

Best of jimmy
It's taking a LOT for Jay Carney to work the past few years out of his system, but God bless him for trying.

Best of Dr. Doom
    On the Cornell campus this is known as 'Fluking'...

Best of champaignken
    The reason Hillary wears pant suits and not skirts.

Best of metalgarth
    I'm hoping this is the last ever Grand Theft Auto game...

Best of dadoctah
    Some things OnStar just isn't ready to deal with.

Best of Kaptain Krude
    "Dammit, Bumblebee," Optimus Prime thundered. "Now how are we to find out what the humans are doing? Get this Lohan person cleaned up before the humans start getting suspicious."

Best of Mr Hankey
    Herbie Goes To Tijuana

27 comments:

Submariner said...

911; what is the nature of your emergency?

Submariner said...

ATDHE
Collateral damage...

Submariner said...


Welcome back to Betty Ford, Mr. Williams:
Of COURSE we'll tell the press you "didn't fall off the wagon," and that you "only checked in to ENSURE you stayed sober."

Would you like your usual suite?

Submariner said...

Drink all weekend without a problem, but have 1 stinkin' little durian...

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Webster's Dictionary
"Closet Alcoholic" antonym

-OR-

Not a metaphor for congress. True, the driver's a totally

dysfunctional mess but car looks unscathed.

-OR-

How I Met Your Mother... the alternate ending

-OR-

MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) reprises the 1965 comedy series "My Mother the Car"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

The Facebook photo all parents of kids in college dread seeing... especially if it's their son.

dadoctah said...

Smart Car. Ur doin it rong.

Carpe Phlogiston said...


The Police State is here.
In days gone by, she'd just be charged with public intoxication. Today, prosecutors (persecutors) will pile on charges - littering, improper parking, resisting and even drunk driving if the keys are in the ignition.

-OR-

A really good defense attorney: Not guilty, your honor! My client was simply checking the undercarriage for oil leaks and kittens when her purse fell open. Besides, she wasn't driving... less than 50% of her body is even inside the car.

Artfldgr said...

Look, the perfect cover for the new article: "Feminism Exposed"

racerboy said...

ORA: "Sweetie Dahling!!!"

jimmy said...

It's taking a LOT for Jay Carney to work the past few years out of his system, but God bless him for trying.

Dr. Doom said...

On the Cornell campus this is known as 'Fluking'...

Dr. Doom said...

Pop Culture 101 Quiz
This woman is:
a) Making bad life choices (never drink Bacardi when Jack is available)
b) Looking for wang in all the wrong places
c) Probably Irish (green dress)
d) Probably still more coherent than Nancy Pelosi

dadoctah said...

They say any landing you can walk away from is a good one.

Eventually.

champaignken said...

The reason Hillary wears pant suits and not skirts.

metalgarth said...

I'm hoping this is the last ever Grand Theft Auto game...

Mr Hankey said...

Bill already has intern interviews lined up for 2016

dadoctah said...

Some things OnStar just isn't ready to deal with.

racerboy said...

Is not: The right way to check your car's oil
Is: The right way to get your mechanic to check your oil.

Kaptain Krude said...

"Dammit, Bumblebee," Optimus Prime thundered. "Now how are we to find out what the humans are doing? Get this Lohan person cleaned up before the humans start getting suspicious."

Mr Hankey said...

Herbie Goes To Tijuana

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Knight Rider 2014
Due to demands for equal representation by women's groups and blatant ad branding by major alcoholic beverage companies, the new series bore little resemblance to the original.

-OR-

From some of the tales I've heard, that could have been taken during my neighbor's daughter's drivers license test.

Kaptain Krude said...

"Oh, issh that the *hic* way issh gonna be, issh it? I'm gonna carve you *hic* gonna carve you up like a Chrisshmassh turk..." *plop*

Kaptain Krude said...

Wrecked 'em? Darn near killed 'em, I'd say!

Kaptain Krude said...

"Bottoms up! Er, well, no, that's not quite the right way to do... I mean, well, actually, that's not too bad, actually."

Kaptain Krude said...

Bill Clinton couldn't believe his luck.

Dr. Doom said...

I bet she still knows where her e-mails are...