Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Hold Me Closer, Lurch



1. "That lymph node feels pretty swollen. I'd get it checked out."

2. "You make me wet. I mean that."

3. Out of his mind on cocaine and cough syrup, Leo thought he was about to get busy with Dame Judy Dench.

4. ORA: "You really nailed that rendition of 'Puttin' on the Ritz' Mr. Secretary."

5. "No, I didn't say M'Chel was into beards, I said M'Chel was a 'beard.'"

Best of Best of
Shudder Island

Best of Mr Hankey
"King of the World" meets "Henpecked gold-digger of the Ketchup Queen"

Best of Submariner
Let me guess: You had a Cancoillotte washed down by a 1945 Mouton Rothschild for lunch. Right?

Best of jimmy
Leo was intoxicated by Kerry's new cologne, "Calvin Klein's Incompetence".

Best of Markus ARyanas
Kiss me you fool!!!

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Well, this is embarrassing. Their nose hairs seem to have become entangled. Quick, someone get the Jaws of Life and cut to commercial!

Best of Kaptain Krude
"I can't quit you!"
"Aren't we supposed to be wearing cowboy hats and eating pudding?"



24 comments:

Anonymous said...

No one wants to see the outtakes on the Forbidden Planet DVD.

Anonymous said...

Shouty Face met Puffy Disgrace

Anonymous said...

Shudder Island

Anonymous said...

What happens in the igloo stays in the igloo

Anonymous said...

Eskimo kissing Leo counts for more accomplished than his predecessor, who had her nose buried elsewhere

Anonymous said...

cutpurses embrace beheinz the eco-scam

Mr Hankey said...

"King of the World" meets "Henpecked gold-digger of the Ketchup Queen"

Double the U said...

ORA: "After all these years you still look great Judy Zipper."

Submariner said...

Is that a ketchup bottle in your pocket or are you REALLY happy to see me?

Submariner said...

Q What's the difference between two dogs meeting and a Hollywood lib meeting a Dem politician?

A The dogs sniff each other's butt and the, well, I guess nothing, really...

Submariner said...

Let me guess:
You had a Cancoillotte washed down by a 1945 Mouton Rothschild for lunch. Right?

Submariner said...

>pull back and pause>
No tongue...

Mr Hankey said...

Even John Kerry doubts that having Leo in "Swift Boat - The Movie" will make it as successful as "Titanic".

Carpe Phlogiston said...

"Wealth Building for the Bottom 95%"
After demonstrating classic revenue enhancement techniques - pickpocketing to strong arm robbery - our guests will discuss how the rich get richer... not that it'll help any of you, of course.

-OR-

Clint Eastwood - in the audience - yelling, "Awright, Nancybois, are ya gonna dance or just make out?"

-OR-


DiCaprio & Kerry Duet:
♫ ♩ Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you
That is how I know you, go on
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on...
♪ ♬

-OR-

CDC Report: Metrosexualitis feeds on nads.

WordVerify: and yurnot - What the rich usually whisper after saying, "I'm in the one percent"

Submariner said...

On behalf of the SAG Mr. President, please accept this tribute to our ineptocracy:

♫ ♩...and I-aye-I.
Will always,
love you-oo-OOOOOOO-ooo.
Will always...♫ ♩

Submariner said...

Oh, that's right.
You lost.
Never mind...

jimmy said...

Leo was intoxicated by Kerry's new cologne, "Calvin Klein's Incompotence".

Dr. Doom said...

Leo: "That whole Wolf of Wall Street thing was a role. The IRS understands that right?"
Johnny Crappleseed: "Don't worry Leo you're covered - the IRS knows what's what!"
Leo: "Just checking - sometimes it is hard to tell..."

Dr. Doom said...

Moments later... "Hey where's my wallet?"

Markus ARyanas said...

Kiss me you fool!!!

curly said...

DiCaprio thought bubble: "Yesss! He's grabbing my ass!"

Kerry thought bubble: "Where does this twink keep his wallet?"

curly said...

Whoops! Look's like Dr. Doom beat me to the "wallet" punch line above...Good job, Dr. Doom!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Well, this is embarrassing. Their nose hairs seem to have become entangled. Quick, someone get the Jaws of Life and cut to commercial!

Kaptain Krude said...

"I can't quit you!"

"Aren't we supposed to be wearing cowboy hats and eating pudding?"