Monday, June 23, 2014

Guess Who's Coming to Brunch



1. "You white people and your stupid problems are so tedious. 'I don't have a job.' 'I can't pay my electric bill.' 'My daughter was molested by an illegal immigrant.' Bitch, bitch, bitch... that's all I get from you people."

2. Kid: "Hey, didn't we used to have a dog?"

3. ORA: As Mr. Patterson tried desperately to explain real-world economics to the aloof, indifferent president, Mrs. Patterson's thoughts kept wandering back to that frozen leg of lamb in the freezer.

4. SCOAMF Thoughtbubble: "Soylent green is damn well going to be made of white people."

5. "Why do I even give a shit about these people," thought the SCOAMF to himself. "Oh, wait... I don't."

Best of Submariner
All we need now is Lassie on a platter and Mike al'Moore's reimagining of Rockwell's Thanksgiving cover of Time will be complete.

Best of curly
I’m sorry Mr. President, but Johnny here is too young to start dating.

Best of dadoctah
You realize if Romney had got in, there'd be *two* missionaries in every dining room, and *two* bicycles parked in every driveway.

Best of Artfldgr
Got any waffles?

Best of jimmy
"My sources tell me you refused to sign up for welfare, food stamps, free lunch program for the kids...how could you be so racist?"

Best of jimmy
ORA: Obama's latest "listening tour" hit a snag when the couple kept referring to him as "Benson," and wanted to hear about his time working at the Governor's mansion.

Best of Mr Hankey
...and during the finale scenes of "Organizing The Community with Barack", our host shows little contempt for Kyle's incessant demands for keeping the old health plan.

Best of GregMan
"So how many illegal immigrant children can we put in your home, cracker?"

Best of Dr. Doom
"No seriously - I'm hungry," grumbled the President, "Why don't you give Aspacher catering a call? Michele says their home delivery is wonderful - especially the big sausage pizza..."

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Hm that's fascinating say have I told you how I got Bin Laden and it was all thanks to Joe Biden?" Obama starts campaigning early for 2016.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"What? Putin has grabbed another former state of Russia? Strange how no one has told me by the way have you seen the latest episode of Game Of Thrones?"

Best of Kaptain Krude
Barack was strangely quiet in the Middleton's household. It was only later that Bill figured out that no one in his family was wearing a teleprompter the entire time Barack was there.

30 comments:

Submariner said...

All we need now is Lassie on a platter and Mike al'Moore's reimagining of Rockwell's Thanksgiving cover of Time will be complete.

Submariner said...

Thawt bubble; "How long do I have to listen to this drivel before the photo op is considered complete?"

Anonymous said...

Electricity meets stringent European Union standards

Anonymous said...

"See kids, you cannot have an intervention for an interventionist."

"You mean bullshit a bullshitter, Dad?"

curly said...

I’m sorry Mr. President, but Johnny here is too young to start dating.

dadoctah said...

You realize if Romney had got in, there'd be *two* missionaries in every dining room, and *two* bicycles parked in every driveway.

Artfldgr said...

Got any waffles?

jimmy said...

"My sources tell me you refused to sign up for welfare, food stamps, free lunch program for the kids...how could you be so racist?"

jimmy said...

ORA: Obama's latest "listening tour" hit a snag when the couple kept referring to him as "Benson," and wanted to hear about his time working at the Governor's mansion.

Mr Hankey said...

As Obama attends his first death panel, he quickly determines that this dude will not be here much longer. Next!

Mr Hankey said...

Try as much as he wants, Obama just can't appease both sides of the house.

Mr Hankey said...

...and during the finale scenes of "Organizing The Community with Barack", our host shows little contempt for Kyle's incessant demands for keeping the old health plan.

Mr Hankey said...

On "Celebrity Wife Swap", Kyle explains that Barack only needs to feed Michelle every hour to keep her happy. Soon, Kyle will learn for himself that Julie will 'never go back' after having learned a few things that made her happy from living with Barack.

chronos the wonder pig said...

"Why, you folks are as middle class as Hillary!"

Mr Hankey said...

Obama continues his investigation for the missing IRS hard drive.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

So, what's cooking?
Who the hell ARE you and wtf are you doing at our dinner table?
You don't recognize me? I'm Barack Obamalama, I represents minorities and illegals. Just having my token annual interaction with the white middle class or what's left of it.
Jimmy, I told you not never to let strangers or blacks in the house!
But Dad, I tried to stop him, but those guys in the black SUV pepper sprayed me and threatened to arrest you and mom for being real Americans.

-OR-

Seriously, don't offer her a chair. Her eating shovel will scratch the hell out of your nice floor and table.


-OR-

While my Portuguese water mutt rapes your little white poodle, I thought I'd decide which one of you I'll have the IRS rape. Got any arugala in the fridge, Marge?

Mr Hankey said...

You're telling us you want us to trade our kids for some Mexican immigrants? Do they clean and cook?

Submariner said...

Barry gets his weekly, Friday-night, broadcast-news briefing.

BO's thawt bubble; "Gaia! When is this moron going to quit yammering about CNN? I have an early tee time tomorrow..."

Submariner said...

Barry barely holds back his incredulity;
"This idiot actually CARES about answers for Benghazi! Note to self, fire someone at the msm for being ineffective selling my story that NOTHING happened after a full two years of pitching it!

GregMan said...

"So how many illegal immigrant children can we put in your home, cracker?"

GregMan said...

"So you really believed that line about 'if you like your health plan, you can keep it'? Just how stupid are you white people, anyway?"

metalgarth said...

We're playing 'Monopoly' government style: First the government takes all the money, then the government redistributes the board, the tokens, the cards and everything else to some other family.

Dr. Doom said...

"Well, yes Mr. President, we do need a new child care provider and your 'nanny state' credentials are quite extensive,", related Mr. Smith, "but frankly we are looking for someone with some real world experience..."

Dr. Doom said...

...and so you see we will be needing homes for all of the new Democrat voters pouring over the bord... um... joining the cause," explained the President, "so you and all of the other families in Houston, San Antonio, and Dallas will be relocated to um... well somewhere very nice I'm sure..."

Dr. Doom said...

"No seriously - I'm hungry," grumbled the President, "Why don't you give Aspacher catering a call? Michele says their home delivery is wonderful - especially the big sausage pizza..."

Kaptain Krude said...

"Hm that's fascinating say have I told you how I got Bin Laden and it was all thanks to Joe Biden?" Obama starts campaigning early for 2016.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

O: I'll regret asking, but how are you folks do since you lost your factory job, unemployment benefits dried up and my administration's motto is Put Illegals First?
Dad: Trading bitcoins and food stamps on the black market
Mom: Cooking meth in our kitchen
Daughter: Web cam pr0n
Son: Just e-filed my 178th tax return from behind Russian and Chinese VPNs
O: Gosh, umm look at the time! I have to pick 'Chel up from somewhere. Nice to hear you're coping.

Kaptain Krude said...

"What? Putin has grabbed another former state of Russia? Strange how no one has told me by the way have you seen the latest episode of Game Of Thrones?"

Kaptain Krude said...

The Daydreamer, by Barack Obama.

Kaptain Krude said...

Barack was strangely quiet in the Middleton's household. It was only later that Bill figured out that no one in his family was wearing a teleprompter the entire time Barack was there.