Thursday, February 28, 2013

Now, That *That's* Outta The Way

Moar






I'M IN UR BLOG, OBSTRUCTIN' UR THURSDAYS


\From Justin C


Best of GregMan
I, for one, am sick and tired of Barbara Boxer always trying to horn in on everybody's photo sessions.

Best of prince of leaves
"But when we saw that odd growth sprouting out of his forehead, well of course we had to ironically rename the dog Kuaato..."

Threadwinner Kaptain Krude
"Egads, Montgomery! Have you seen what Mistress Sloane is doing in front of the web camera? She's gone and taken her knickers off! Quick, entertain the audience whilst I do what I can to take her shame off of the Internet!"

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Aisle 4, Human Heads and Other Meat Products



1. And you thought horse meat was the worst thing you could find in your Ball Park franks.
2. Sharon couldn't wait to try out the recipes in her new "Idi Amin" cookbook.
3. Most white people have No Idea what they sell in those Vietnamese supermarkets.




Best of chronos the wonder pig
So Marge Simpson takes Maggie shopping again...no story here

Best of Submariner
Not Hillary's cart; the butcher pack is a little old...

Best of Scotty G.
Have you seen the price of Head lately down at Whole Foods?

Best of dadoctah
Poor little guy. Zonked to the gills on hand sanitizer.

Best of prince of leaves
"Honey, you know how you've been saying that you'd like a little head now and then..."

Best of Steve O
Impossible to return. And if you're not careful, they'll spoil.

Best of jimmy
Little Joey's mom had no idea that he would be sixteen years old before he would outgrow sleeping in the kitchen cabinets.




Yeah, Like, I know, Totally Racist And Stuff

As if I care...
















Best of  GregMan
Is it wrong of me to think I'd rather do the monkey?
Best of GregMan
Come to think of it, the monkey probably flings a lot less poo than M'chel.

Best of chronos the wonder pig
Poor M'Chel - the only thing getting banged in the White House is her hair.

Best of Submariner
Guess which one most recently heard "Get your hands off me you damn, dirty ape!" and win a night in the Lincoln Bedroom at her current residence.

Best of chronos the wonder pig
After viewing the centuries old video, M'Chel the 23rd decides to believe in creationism instead of evolution

Best of Rodney Dill
One's intelligent, clean, and articulate and the other is the First Lady.

Best of Kaptain Krude
Man, M'chel'l's sister is a lot hotter than she is.

Best of Robert
First sit-down since inaugural?! No wonder she looks tense.

Best of metalgarth
One is from a distopian, authoritarian world where average humans are slaves to government monkeys who micromanage their lives. The other is character in a bad movie remake.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Feminists From the Future


1. What Sandy Fluke and Lena Dunham will look like by the end of Hillary's second term. 

2. The "Future of Feminism" looks an awful lot like the callbacks for the role of "Phys Ed Teacher" in the next Wayans movie.

3. So, which one is the dog groomer and which one is the Episcopal Clergywoman?

4. What do you think the odds are they both drive Subarus with more than one Obama sticker on the back?



Threadwinner, probably, prince of leaves
Scarborough would briefly regret asking what was in the Reverend Mother's box.

Best of prince of leaves
After the time travelers' appearance on MSNBC, the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement reported a massive increase in membership.

Best of dadoctah
Nice enough people, I suppose, but I don't know if I'd want my sister to marry one.

Best of Dactyl
From the expressions on their faces, I'd say at least one of them is having a 'woman's movement' right now.

Also possible Threadwinner metalgarth
I can smell ur cunt.
"Can you be a little more specific, please?"

Best of Artfldgr
You mean this isnt the casting call for agnes of god?

Best of prince of leaves
"Preposterous!" she scoffed. "How can you say that female ministers like me would draw more men back into mainline pews if we worked to look more like Sophia Loren and less like Friar Tuck?"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
The Golden Girl's cast reunion. At least the ghosts of Estelle Getty and Bea Arthur had the decency to show up.

Best of Rodney Dill
When did uncle Fester grow hair?

Joe Biden is a Fuctard

But then, we knew that

 

When Animals Photobomb




One Shot


1. The bidding between Andrew Sullivan and Sandy Fluke was furious when this thing went up on eBay.



Best of Rodney Dill
WTF?!?!? Slim Pickens fell off again.
Just 10,000 D-cell and this baby will be set for the First Lady.

Best of prince of leaves
MOAD.

Best of  prince of leaves
"Why would I test the lift slings before using them? It's not like this doomsday warhead contains enough weaponized bubonic plague to kill all of humanity or anything, right?"

Best of dadoctah
Okay, now the Thermos people are just being silly....

Best of metalgarth
"there are ways to get around not having a high capacity magazine, there are ways..."

Best of Submariner
Not sure, but I think it's the toy Gavin Newsome ordered for this year's Folsom Street Fair.

Best of Dr. Doom
"Delivery for Ms. O'Donnell", cried the courier."

Monday, February 25, 2013

The Democrat Brain Trust

Double the U


1. "Crisco and the Klingon ate all the entrees at the senators' table, may I lick your dessert plate?"

2. "Guess who I am?" "Bob Menendez at a Middle School cheerleading competition?" "Correct!"

3. Like Pavlov's dog, Chuck Schumer drools uncontrollably at the mention of "Gun confiscation."


Best of Rodney Dill
Schumer? I don't even know her.

Best of GregMan
I see Slow Joe Biden taught Schumer to "give paw".

Best of Submariner
Hey Joe; wanna see what I learned over at the NAMBLA dinner?

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Oh com'on, pull my finger!

Best of Steve O
"Fo shizzle Joe Bizzel!"

Best of Dr. Doom
Biden: "...and so then I said, we will cut spending after the tax increase goes into effect"
Shumer: "Oh Joe, you slay me!"

Two Libs, One Eatin' Shovel



1. "Governor Christie, would you like an after-dinner mint? It is wafer thin."

2. Christie thoughtbubble: "Suddenly, I'm craving an entire trough of Bang-Bang shrimp."

3. "Any time those two are eating at the same restaurant is a f--king Hell's Kitchen," reflected Gordon Ramsay.

4. Impatient for the appetizers to come, M'Chel and Crisco ate one of the candles.

5. Which one of these people has sucked Obama's c--k more? The answer may surprise you.


Best of Rodney Dill
Michelle: "R.O.U.S*? I don't beleef dey exist."
*Republicans of unusual size

Best of chronos the wonder pig
knowing that Obama is term limited and loving them vacations, M'Chel started speed dating the 2016 contenders....

Best of Submariner
I think you OUGHT to run, Chris. We haven't had a Democrat of your stature in the Senate since Teddy Kennedy died...

Best of champaignken
Ru Paul and Chaz Bono share insider gossip at the annual LGBT fund raising dinner in LA.

Best of dadoctah
Fox News continues to assiduously avoid using the expression "people within the governor's orbit".

Best of metalgarth
Photo taken about 5 years before Jabba put the price on Han on Chewbacca's head.

History


Saturday, February 23, 2013

Bring on the Apocalypse

Mother of the Year hires strippers for son's 16th Birthday Party





Threadwinner chronos the wonder pig
"I can smell ur cunt."

Best of Kaptain Krude
"The thing's hollow - it goes on forever - and - oh my God - it's full of stars!"

Best of metalgarth
what happens in the teacher's lounge, stays in the teacher's longue

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
The Heimlich Maneuver = U R Doing It Oh So WRONG

Best of andthenblammo!
"Mom, would this be the wrong time to tell you I'm gay?"

Best of Submariner
The ex Sec of State at the next table pointed and said, "I'll just have what HE'S having...

Best of Submariner
AoM goes in for a closer look...

Friday, February 22, 2013

Pirates Versus Ninjas

The Brigade


Horsetitution


1. Sarah Jessica Parker stars in the remake of Pretty Woman.
2. "Hello, Richard the Third,... no, I don't want your kingdom, just the usual $50."
3. "Mind if we stop by Burger King first?" And another hooker mysteriously disappears from the streets of Hollywood.


Best of Spineless Vertebrae
After being rejected for the lead role in the Budweiser Super Bowl commercial, Vicky the Clydesdale had to do whatever she could to make ends meet.

Best of Double the U
Horse head... that only costs a buck more!

Best of Kaptain Obvious
"Why the long face, baby?"

Threadwhinnier dadoctah
The whole Brony phenomenon has to stop, now.

Best of Jack Reacher
"So, you wanna buy some equestrian term papers?"

Best of Submariner
DRUDGEBREAKING: Daniel Radcliffe was picked up by a London Constable today for wanting to practise live theatre for pay.
Developing...

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

The Princess and the Lunch Lady



1. Kate: "So, I should keep calm and try anal. Excellent advice, thank you."

2. Kate: "Trade places for a day? No, f-ck you!"

3. "... and the Andrew Sullivan huffed some spray paint and loudly proclaimed he was 'the Real Queen of England.' (Sigh)"

4. It was awfully nice of the Royal Family to give Soledad O'Brien a new job; of course, she sucked at that, too.

5. Kate thought her plan to keep Wills from shagging the help was foolproof; sadly, she overlooked the horsemen.


Best of blue
Well now your majesty, If you think Ray Bradbury is the father you better tell Wills now.....

Best of  GregMan
ORA: "I told you, we're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to be a sort of executive officer for the week..."

Best of jimmy
Cook: "Well, there's Egg and spam. Egg, bacon, spam, and sausage. Spam, egg, sausage and spam. Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam, spam, and spam. Or--"
Duchess: "Have you got anything without spam in it?"
Cook: "Well, spam, egg, sausage and spam...hasn't got much spam in it..."
Duchess: "I don't want ANY SPAM!"

Best of prince of leaves
"You *ave* figured out they're all lizardoid aliens under them skin-jobs, yeah?" A horrified Kate begins to have second thoughts about her pregnancy.

Best of dadoctah
"Be honest. It's British food, so how good can it be, really?"

Best of Jack Reacher
"TB? Not a problem. I've been a lunger for years now, and I'm still workin' away in the kitchen."

Best of Submariner
'aven't 'ad a steak an' kidney pie is weeks? Well, mum, we 'aven't seen any 'oboes aroun' lately, 'ave we?

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Hangle Me, Dangle Me


1. Years later, Joey would grow up to be a Democrat legislator who thought women were way too uptight about rape.

2. "Look, I caught one! We eat tonight!"

3. Chanelle just found out she gets double welfare if her kid has a disability.



Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Jay Leno has really let himself go!

Best of Double the U
The A.P. interviews another citizen that thinks the Obama administration handling of the economy is going well.

Best of Dr. Doom
Shania demonstrates the safe use of a stroller which she learned at her court ordered parenting classes taken at the Michael Jackson School of Parenting...

Best of Spineless Vertebra
The baby didn't know it, but from down there, he could smell her cunt.

Best of prince of leaves
Janelle starts a "national conversation" on First Amendment reform after replicating a scene from The Road.

Best of metalgarth
Yeah I vote "pro choice". Why do you ask?

Best of dadoctah
I stand corrected. Apparently Honey Boo Boo's family *isn't* the most screwed-up in the country.

Happy Poopy Time


1. "That's No Ordinary Rabbit! - Death awaits you all with nasty, sharp, pointy teeth!"
2. "Mr President, your farts are especially silent today. Long night with Reggie Love?"
3. ORA: As Kasuf went on and on about the problems of the Abydonians, the SCOAMF amused himself by picturing Teal'c naked, giggling every time he thought of the phrase 'Staff Weapon.'
4. The invisible organ recital amused the SCOAMF greatly.
5. "And then McCain spazzes out like this. What is that guy, like 150?"

Monday, February 18, 2013

The Gods Must Be Crazy



1. The bushmen believed that the gods put only good and useful things on the earth for them to use.
2. Two more outfits M'Chel Obama would look horrifying in.
3. This is one of the stranger "Buddy Comedies" Hollywood has come up with of late.
4. I know they aren't culturally accurate, but I kind of like the Smithsonian's new dioramas.
5. The first thing John Kerry changed at the State Department was Hillary's brutal "Intern Survival Training."


Best of Spin
"Is that a coke bottle in your pocket or are you..."

Best of prince of leaves
Attenborough: "But on the whole, sexual dimorphism is more pronounced in Western European populations, as these two female models clearly demonstrate."

Threadwinner: Kaptain Krude
"Man, do I hate white women with long legs, long beautiful hair, a flat belly that obviously has never seen the passage of a child, nice firm breasts, and... wait, there's one just behind me, isn't there?"

Best of Rodney Dill
While Stanley wrestles the wild Bengal Tiger, Marlene Perkins achieves Nirvana with Marcel the indian boy.

Best of jimmy
The NatGeo Channel's reboot of "Cagney and Lacey" was surprisingly watchable.

Magnifying Stupid



1. And every time the SCOAMF fried an ant he muttered "drone strike" and chuckled "take that, bitter clinger."

2. Little Cindy Lou watched the SCOAMF futilely try to blow bubbles for 45 minutes and wondered "How did this fuctard beat Romney?"

3. "With this, um, magnet glass, you um, look like you have, um, tittehs."

4. "Mr President, your Sherlock Holmes impression would be more realistic if you ever actually found a clue."

5. "And with this magnifying glass, I can, um, see your chances for, um, a prosperous future. Nope, there it goes."


Best of Rodney Dill
So how's the hand held teleprompter working Mr. President?

Best of Double the U
...and I see Johnny and I see Suzie, and Debbie and there is Michael and Mark, and I see you all UNDER AN OPPRESSIVE GOVERNMENT THAT WILL CONTROL YOUR LIFE FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, GET USE TO IT, GET USE TO IT NOW!!!

Best of dadoctah
After the "Romper Stomper Bomper Boo" concept bombed, the next plan called for a puppet moose and rabbit to bury Barry in an avalanche of ping-pong balls.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Obamalama's Problemsolving Skills Metaphor
The lens is smudged? Here, let me fix that... hoccck sploooot! There ya go.
But it's still got sploooot all over it!
Hon, I did the hard part. You clean it up.


Best of sonicfrog
"Hmmmmm.... My skin looks too grainy this morning.... I wonder if there is something wrong with this mirror...."

Friday, February 15, 2013

The Dude in the Red Gingham Dress



1. "The meteor was caused by Global Warming. It's SCIENCE!"

2. Fortunately, the SCOAMF's later nominations were not nearly as loopy as Chuck Hagel.

3. Nice of Nestle to let Swiss Miss keep her job after the operation.


Best of dadoctah
At least he knows Linux.

Best of jimmy
This 2013 reboot of "Little House on the Prairie" already has me concerned.

Best of Steve O
How Daniel Tosh spends his weekends is nobody's business.
(And how he spends his time on the air really isn't THAT many people's business either.)

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Reuters: A new and entirely optional version of the Boy Scout uniform.

Best of prince of leaves
Gingham? I barely even knew him!

There Goes the Neighborhood


1. NY Times Headline: "Meteor Strike Blamed on Republican Obstruction; Budget Cuts."
2. Hopefully, this time, it whacks Ben Affleck and *not* Bruce Willis. 
3. A meteor hit Detroit once, but by the time NASA got to the crash site iit had already been stripped to the hubs. 
4. "Giant Sharktopus versus Flaming Sperm from Outer Space," next on the Crappy SyFy Channel. 
5. Westboro Baptists denounce "faggot asteroids," plan to picket impact site. 


Best of jimmy
Vladimir Putin's ego has become so enormous that its gravitational pull is attracting space debris.
Best of Submariner
DRUDGEBREAKING: Greenhouse gasses are being blamed for the demise of the Silver Surfer...
Developing...

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Senile Coot



1. "Spiders! Spiders!"

2. "This must be really good shit. The trails are already kicking in."

3. "Oooh! Oooh! Oooh! Pick me, Mr. Obama! I'll cave to you!"

4. "Why is Kobe ignoring my entreaties?"

5. And then, in the middle of the SOTU, Senator McCain waved his hands in the air like he didn't care. He was later seen gliding by the people as they stopped to look and stare.


Best of the Acebook Morons
Sandy Kanavel Coburn Not in the face! Not in the face!

Senator John McCain (R-AZ) tries to shield himself from the shit flying out of Barack Obama's mouth during the State of the Union address.

The T-shirt cannon! I love that thing! Over here!

Oh My God! Michelle bent over...and ..IT WINKED AT MEeeeeee!11!


Best of Double the U
ahhhhh REPUBLICANS! Ahhhhhh

Best of Rodney Dill
"McCain... how do you stand on nuclear waste?"

Best of Rodney Dill
"Niagara Falls... Slowly I turned..."

Best of dadoctah
With every passing session, the flashbacks to the tiger cage grew more frequent and more intense....

Best of GregMan
Senator McCain learns of yet more kids on his lawn.

Best of Steve O
Some found that focusing on something productive, like Itsy Bitsy Spider, took the edge off Obama's STFU speech.

Best of metalgarth
Hilary please! I can smell ur cunt

Best of racerboy
The new phone books are here!!! The new phone books are here!!!

Best of Dactyl
"Now experience the true power of the dark side!!"
But no matter how many times he said it, blue lightning refused to issue forth from his hands.







Get in my Belluh!



1. "What a lovely baby. Got any ketchup?"
2. "Your offering shall please Lilith, Queen of Demons. Let us prepare the altar for the Ceremony of Innocent Blood."
3. "Ms. O'Donnell, you promise not to roll over in bed and crush it like those other two."
4. Rosie: "Could you guys wrap this up? I have to get back home and toss some Jedis into my Rancor pit."
5. "Um, do you guys have anything *else* I could throw at Marco Rubio?"

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Precautions


So, the LAPD, are so incompetent they put 30 rounds into two small women in a blue pick up while searching for one big black man in a gray pick-up. This should prove once and for all they could not possibly have framed OJ.

Shootin' Monkeys Into Space for Allah

Brender

 "Congratulations, Mr and Mr Ahmedinejad, it's a boy."


Threadwinner Steve O
Why do I think that the key to a monkey surviving reentry in an Iranian rocket is to have an extra monkey.

Best of dadoctah
I smell Fox sitcom!

Best of Dr. Doom
"Very good work Dr. Hamid," said Mr. Ahmadinejad, "Of course you realize that monkeys are unclean and we will now have to stone you to death..."

Best of racerboy
"He definitely has his father's eyes..."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
When Maury Povich assures the ghey couple that their DNA is a 99.9% match to little Mohammad's, Ahmadinejad leans in and whispers, "Lester, I'm suing you for producing such a FUGLY baby!"

Best of Rodney Dill
Thank Allah you know the Heimlich maneuver doctor, I never would've coughed that monkey up on my own.

Best of Steve O
Now, no sex for a few weeks. Then, take it slow. You'll know when it's time.




Monday, February 11, 2013

Our Ellen



1. Portia di Rossi's "Hillary Clinton" Look was a huge hit at the Leather Womny's retreat.

2. "Lookit me! I'm an infant! Suckle! Suckle! Suckle!"

3. Lesbian Motorboating.

4. Total number of boobs in the above picture: 9

5. Ellen DeGenerate, still more subtle than BJ Clinton.

Meanwhile, Back In Detroit...



1. "Praise Allah! The last kid has quitted my yard."

2. It started as a dispute over a matched set of Ikea coffee mugs; but you know how women just can't let go of things.

3. "So, this is Oakland? Why the Hell did I ever leave Gaza?"


Best of Steve O
This might show the destruction wrought by 30 years of Islamic radicalism, or... 40 years of governance by Democrats in Detroit.
It's really hard to say for sure.

Best of jimmy
" 'Honeymoon in Chicago,' you said. 'It'll be romantic,' you said. 'NO! YOU go upstairs and lock the kids in the room. I'LL stay down here and guard the minivan from the roving gangs. Mother was right about you, after all!' "

Best of GregMan
Man, Christopher Dorner's new girlfriend is really stylin'.
What, too soon?

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
OMAR! I
TURN DOWN THE DAMNED MUSIC!
Best of prince of leaves
"You know, maybe I shoulda just put out some traps and d-Con instead."

Best of prince of leaves
As the newly elected association president, Asima brought an abrupt and bloody end to years of lax HOA rules enforcement.

Best of Rodney Dill
You... shall... not... pass...

Best of Rodney Dill
"C'mon its still be best chicken and rib joint in Detroit,"

Best of Rodney Dill
Sniper? I don't even know her.

Best of Dr. Doom
Now we know why HUD has been buying up all that ammo...

Friday, February 08, 2013

Picard Nails Us


Ermagerd!


Captain Kirk's girlfriend is PMSing!

Fashion Sense

Brender

1. Christopher Dorner evaded law enforcement for months after finding the perfect disguise. (Too Soon?)

2. "Dress Like George Clinton Day" never caught on the way "Talk Like a Pirate Day" did.

3. M'Chel's new fashion direction was design to draw attention away from her problem areas.

4. The Today Show desperately threw everything at the wall in hopes of getting their ratings up. Here's Al Roker's new outfit.

5. Chris Rock arrives at the White House. "Daddy!"

Thursday, February 07, 2013

A Definite Nip in the Air

Moar... but ... not really much good stuff.



Wednesday, February 06, 2013

Cross-Dressing, Minnesota Style

Twitchy


1. Well, Hell-o-o-o-o, Hotter-Than-Average Muslim Woman.

2. Rick finally figures out how to get through airport security without being groped.

3. Senator Bob Menendez --- last seen converting to Islam and humming "Thank Heaven for Little Girls"

4. Least successful profile on all of Match-dot-com

5. If there were a "Look More Stupid than John Kerry" Contest, this guy would still lose.


Best of Passionate Conservative
"I am Cornholio! I need TeePee for my bunghole!"

Best of prince of leaves
With age inexorably turning him into a prune, Rex the Fruit-of-the-Loom Plum retired from advertising and got a regular day job.

Best of Cat Whisperer
Wearing this name badge is an affront to my religion. Only infidels should have targets on them.

Tuesday, February 05, 2013

Hello, Idiot



The handcuffs really make the pic, don't they?


Best of prince of leaves
Naturally, his tramp-stamp was an image of Barney Frank.

Best of  Carpe Phlogiston
When I'm 50 with a beer belly, this is gonna look just like Eddy Murphy in the Nutty Professor. Finally, my farting will get some respect!

Best of Scotty G.
"What do you want, Mr. Quaid?"

Best of Submariner
Oh, boy...

Monday, February 04, 2013

Snow Good

Brender

1. "Run! There's a crazy black man with a gun in the next panel."

2. Global Warming can be a very confusing experience.

3. "Yes, the practices are grueling, but we *will* take the bronze in synchronized swimming."

4. "Come back with my buttplug!"

5. They saw the Go Daddy Superb Owl commercial and are still running.


Best of Spin
Time trials for the Human Frogger Olympic event.

Best of dadoctah
After all these years, a small but fervent group of followers are still trying, with limited success, to prove that "Aquaman wasn't as lame a superhero as everyone says".

Best of metalgarth
Chance are better than 50/50 that there won't be a triathlon at the next winter Olympics but some athletes don't have a grasp of the obvious.

Best of Artfldgr
Lars! Why cant you ever enjoy MY fetishes?

Best of Scotty G.
The Grand Opening of the new Crocs store in Aspen was festive event.

Baby Got Acreage

Brender

1. The Day M'Chel's girdle finally snapped.

2. Children enjoyed throwing tomatoes at her, just to watch them go into orbit.

3. Bloated, useless, and getting bigger every day, but enough about the Government.

4. Technically, she's one beef-and-bean burrito away from being designate a Weapon of Mass Destruction

5. The kind of woman who wonders why bacon doesn't come in packages for two people.



Best of  blue
...and she has the middle seat next to you on your next flight.

Best of Double the U
"Oh, did you bring the celery?" She asked.

Best of metalgarth
Alternate reality 25678: BET bought the rights to remake "Return of the Jedi"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Fortunately, Cottonelle's Superbowl commercial aired during the power blackout, dramatically reducing the number of viewers who went blind.

Threadwinner: GregMan
Somewhere, deep within the folds of blubber, an Obamaphone is screaming for it's life.

Best of prince of leaves
Where will YOU be when your laxative never kicks in?

Best of Spineless Vertebrae
Even Sir Mix-a-Lot has his limits.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Okay, you've convinced us, Mr. Peterson. Your new chair design IS the strongest one I've ever seen in my whole life!" The head of Jacobson's Furniture Depot knew right then that he was going to be a very, very rich man.

Sunday, February 03, 2013

President Mom Jeans Does Not Want This Captioned or Photoshopped

F--- him


Horizontal Skeet? WTF?



Best of dadoctah
"Bwahahaa! Run, John Boehner, you pansy sumvabitch, RUN!"

Best of champaignken
Barry: I want an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle!
Michelle: No, you'll shoot your eye out.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Simple Explanations for Simple People:
a) He's shooting from atop a hill
b) Photo mix-up - this was meant for his "I'm tough on illegals" spin campaign
c) He was just checking to see if it's loaded... Secret Service agent Smithers is recovering nicely
d) Compensated Endorsement: Obamalama demonstrates the new no-kick ported shotgun series from Biden's "Only for Home Defense" store.

Threadwinner of Joshua
When this impromptu photograph was taken by a Presidential aide it was not meant to be a photograph published in the media. Luckily the aide was carrying his high speed camera and got this shot while recording at 50,000 frames per second.

Best of Dabbobean
What is that, a ported 28 gauge ? ..........looks like Poindexter designed a new shotgun to compliment Barry's limp wristed shooting style.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Lousy celery! I hate it so much! Why can't you be more like arugula??? Take this! And this! And this! Ha-ha-ha-haaaaaa!"

Best of Submariner
Barry defends M'Chel's eatin shovels from poachers.

Best of Steve O
I'm sorry Mr. President. You need a birth certificate for the background check.



Moar...


Friday, February 01, 2013

Let the Sun Shine In


1. The very last meeting of Obama's "Jobs Council"

2. To help cut health care costs, all MSNBC employees engage in vigorous rounds of mandatory calisthenics.

3. State Department employees held a reception to welcome John Kerry on his first day.

4. No one realized how festive the actual ObamaCare Death Panels would be.

5. This is not casual Friday at DNC Headquarters; they'd be nude.



Best of Cat Whisperer
Our ObamaCare Lifeclocks say it is time for Carrousel! Renew! Renew! Renew!

Best of blue
celebrating celery day

Best of Submariner
When I bite into a crisp stalk of celery it makes me feel...

Best of GregMan
"Now everyone mime what you felt when Nixon was re-elected."

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Monorail!"

Best of Jack Reacher
60 Minutes staff prepare to greet Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.

Best of prince of leaves
I put the title through Babelfish into Chinese and back to English, and came up with "Unleash the Thermonuclear Glow". I couldn't agree more.