Monday, March 18, 2013

Awesomest Headline

Soda-Obsessed Mayor of Illiterate City to Convene Climate Change Summit in World’s Rape Capital




1. And representing the current ideological range of the Democrat Party (L-R) k.d. lang, Creed Bratton, the Lord Mayor of Munchkinland, and Malcolm X.

2. Andrew Sullivan was relieved when Bloomberg told him that 64 oz. soda bottles could still legally be used for anal penetration.

3. Mayor Bloomers warns the city about a new outbreak of "Boogie Fever."

4. Mayor Bloomberg and Rachel Maddow open the left-wing counterpart to CPAC, Democrats United for More Bureaucracy.

5. Rachel Maddow not only farts on the American flag, she hand wafts the fumes onto it.



Best of GregMan
Bloomie shows why his next act of liberal paternalism will be to ban the "Harlem Shake". This time, no one objects.

Best of Submariner
"How happy are GEICO customers saving money, Timmy?"
"Happier than a four-pack of hard-left-loons announcing new ways to mandate a legally-imposed-by-mayoral-fiat redaction to the liberties of all right-wing, Bible-believing, gun-owning, freedom-loving, conventional-morals-supporting, patriotic citizens, Jimmy."

Best of Dr. Doom
The mayor's sign language translator tries to keep up with his rationalizations and accidentally shuffles off to Buffalo...

Best of Submariner
stupid, butch and signing is no way to spend your life, son...

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Bloomberg shamed the laughing crowd by saying, "Give her some room. Epilepsy is not as fun as it looks, people."

Best of Artfldgr
It was awful sir, i kept pushing Quinns head back as she kept telling me i really wanted it...

Best of Kaptain Krude
Why do I hear Rachel proclaiming that she is "Rachel Maddow!" a la Team America's Matt Damon?

19 comments:

GregMan said...

Bloomie shows why his next act of liberal paternalism will be to ban the "Harlem Shake". This time, no one objects.

Rodney Dill said...

Bloomberg: "That looks like a Rap DJ move? What are you doing?"
Signer: "Saying you're putting spin on your 16 oz. soda limit loss."

Rodney Dill said...

Whacks on, Whack off.

Submariner said...

"How happy are GEICO customers saving money, Timmy?"

"Happier than a four-pack of hard-left-loons announcing new ways to mandate a legally-imposed-by-mayoral-fiat redaction to the liberties of all right-wing, Bible-believing, gun-owning, freedom-loving, conventional-morals-supporting, patriotic citizens, Jimmy."

Submariner said...

We will now call this meeting of the True Believers of Saint Pancake, New York City Chapter, to order.

Submariner said...

I WONDERED what had become of the original MTV VJs; thanks V!

Double the U said...

Wait... which face am I suppose to caption?

Joshua said...

Mayor Bloomberg held a press conference today and announced that all convenience store clerks in New York City must be fluent in sign language. Also, because his soda ban was rejected by the court, Bloomberg announced today that anyone purchasing a drink larger than 16 ounces must sign a health insurance waiver.

Joshua said...

Because his soda ban was rejected Mayor Bloomberg announced today a new 1000% tax on all sugary drinks over 16 ounces. Legal experts say the government's ability to tax is unlimited and predict this new tax will be easily upheld by the Supreme Court.

Dr. Doom said...

The mayor's sign language translator tries to keep up with his rationalizations and accidentally shuffles off to Buffalo...

ColoradoPatriot said...

"And in conclusion, check out the hook while my DJ revolves it."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Nannystate ON... Nannystate OFF... Nannystate ON... Nannystate OFF
Bloomberg: Velly good, glasshoppuh.

Submariner said...

stupid, butch and signing is no way to spend your life, son...

Submariner said...

JAZZ HANDS; UR DUIN IT RONG

Kaptain Krude said...

Worst. Tony Orlando and Dawn imitation. Ever.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Bloomberg shamed the laughing crowd by saying, "Give her some room. Epilepsy is not as fun as it looks, people."

-OR-

This attempt to mimic the Meg Ryan classic orgasm scene lacked an important something... a pretty girl.

Artfldgr said...

Doin the hand jive finally got Bloomberg attention...

Artfldgr said...

It was awful sir, i kept pushing Quinns head back as she kept telling me i really wanted it...

Kaptain Krude said...

Why do I hear Rachel proclaiming that she is "Rachel Maddow!" a la Team America's Matt Damon?




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