Monday, March 11, 2013

#AskFlotus


1. "Greg" logs in to spam Ace.Mu.Nu once again.

2. And if there were a infinite number of them typing on an infinite number of laptops, would they produce Horton Hears a Who? 

3. "'Scuse me while I log into UrbanDownLow-dot-com, I got Barack thinking I'm a Hot Hung Pakistani who likes blow and to blow."

4. M'Chel works on her USA Today efdtiorial. "This country has too many hungry poor in it and a surplus of cake, therefore, let me propose an elegant solution..."

5. "And here's a place that will make you a solid gold birfday cake in the shape of a Lamborghini  We'll have to send Air Force 1 to Dubai to pick it up but, what the hell, you only turn 50 once."

6. "Dear Acme Reinforced Chair Company..."


Best of Acebook

DSA "50 yo B/W Bi Curious looking for other bi curious partner. Drag Queens prefered."

BG Welcome to Enterprise, how may I help you?

JDA Barry didn't clear his browser history. OMG!!! Naked pictures of himself!! Narcissist in Chief.

FG "now that those f'n kids aren't touring my house, I can cruise Wookie Pron"
about an hour ago

TBZ "Larry Sinclair"? Who the hell is Larry Sinclair?

FG "Reggie Love cleared his last weeks calendar in July. Looks like I don't have to put up with whats-his-name"

GD: A/S/L?

RC: Google Search: "Ribs and fries in DC"

DH:  "Yep, here I am sitting at my laptop in pearls and a $1,400 designed dress, just like a regular American."



Best of Jack Reacher
"Dear Penthouse, I never thought those letters in your magazine were real, until just the other day..."

Best of GregMan
Now we know where all those damn screaming goat videos are coming from.

Best of Submariner
"I enjoyed your site, informative very and will be sure to recommend all my friends.
Online Essay Writer."

Best of Submariner
Dear Home Depot; The last batch wore out in only a few months. Please send a gross more eatin shovels...

Best of Submariner
"Dear Ethan Allen,
Can you send me 12 yards of your beautiful 'Florida Day Room' material for my birthday dress?"

Best of metalgarth
"My verification word is ggy'atyp. What does the V the K think I am? A Klingon?"

Best of Queso Grande
"Lessee.....account number from Treasury......to the Jersey Island account, and then off to the Damascus account.....whoooosh! Off to the Swiss account to land, clean as a whistle......hit enter......"
"And Neither Barry or that F'ing Reggie gonna know 'bout dis stash....."

Best of  Carpe Phlogiston
Dear Barrister Ishmael, Of course I'll help you retrieve your rich dead uncle's $31 million in untraceable currency hidden under a coconut tree on the Côte d'Ivoire! Sounds like a piece of cake.

Best of  Carpe Phlogiston
After your free virus scan reported the entire White House computer system is filled with viruses, I clicked INSTALL, it ran and now says all 114 problems have been resolved! Very impressive!! Do I send the $89.95 directly to your offices in Shandong Province? Checks are accepted with driver's license AND social security numbers, right?

Best of  Rodney Dill
"Oooo a Quizilla... I love these... let's see -- Which Feminine Hygiene Product Are You?"

Best of  Rodney Dill
"This is just a bunch of stupid cat pictures... where the hell's the cheeseburgers?"

Best of  Rodney Dill
"Dear Strong Bad...."

26 comments:

Jack Reacher said...

"I never thought those letters in your magazine were real, until just the other day..."

Jack Reacher said...

From: Anonymous
To: Sen. Rand Paul
Subject: Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

It's a drone, Rand! Bwahahahahahaha!

GregMan said...

Now we know where all those damn screaming goat videos are coming from.

Submariner said...

"I enjoyed your site, informative very and will be sure to recommend all my friends.
Online Essay Writer."

GregMan said...

"Lessee if anyone done replied to my essay-writing emails."

GregMan said...

"Dayum, Hillary's is almost as big as mine!"

Submariner said...

Thawt bubble; "Too bad Hugo's gonna miss my party. I'd have sent Air Force 1 to pick him up..."

Submariner said...

Dear Home Depot;
The last batch wore out in only a few months. Please send a gross more eatin shovels...

Submariner said...

"Dear Penthouse;
Lets just say that once you've tried Predator, you'll never go back to regular.

At least not more than once..."

Submariner said...

"Dear Ethan Allen,

Can you send me 12 yards of your beautiful 'Florida Day Room' material for my birthday dress?"

metalgarth said...

Planet of the Apes ~ The Office crossover: EPIC FAIL.

metalgarth said...

"My verification word is ggy'atyp. What does the V the K think I am? A Klingon?"

Queso Grande said...

"Lessee.....account number from Treasury......to the Jersey Island account, and then off to the Damascus account.....whoooosh! Off to the Swiss account to land, clean as a whistle......hit enter......"
"And Neither Barry or that F'ing Reggie gonna know 'bout dis stash....."



prince of leaves said...

Once they got her to stop trying to *eat* the Apple, the photo-op was a success.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Email #1-
Dear Barrister Ishmael, Of course I'll help you retrieve your rich dead uncle's $31 million in untraceable currency hidden under a coconut tree on the Côte d'Ivoire! Sounds like a piece of cake.

Email #2-
Please send a dozen cases of Herbalaff Instant Erection c/o White House, 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, Washington DC 20500

Email #3-
After your free virus scan reported the entire White House computer system is filled with viruses, I clicked INSTALL, it ran and now says all 114 problems have been resolved! Very impressive!! Do I send the $89.95 directly to your offices in Shandong Province? Checks are accepted with driver's license AND social security numbers, right?

Email #4
Oh Black Lance, you say the most flattering things. Of course I'll take off my top.

Rodney Dill said...

"Oooo a Quizilla... I love these... let's see -- Which Feminine Hygiene Product Are You?"

Rodney Dill said...

"Cool, Grumpy Cat looks just like Joe Biden."

Rodney Dill said...

"Where's the f'in "ANY" Key?"

Rodney Dill said...

Blogger? I don't even know her.

Rodney Dill said...

"This is just a bunch of stupid cat pictures... where the hell's the cheeseburgers?"

Rodney Dill said...

"Dear Strong Bad...."

Rodney Dill said...

"...at least I got Chicken."

Dr. Doom said...

"Let's see now," mused Ms. Obama,
"High end accommodations for me and 125 of my closest friends on the Spanish Riviera... check
First class air fare... check
Private yacht... check
Cordon Bleu cuisine... check
Government credit card... check
I guess that will about do it."

White House vacation planning became much easier once the First Lady Discovered Orbitz.com...

Steve O said...

Michelle uses Google to look up her SSN.

Submariner said...

What am I cookin' fer dinner?
HAH!
That's a good one!

Submariner said...

Thawt bubble; "We gotta find more revenue if I want an Easter Vacation, he says? Wonder if Barry's put a stamp tax on email for the peons yet?"