Monday, February 04, 2013

Baby Got Acreage

Brender

1. The Day M'Chel's girdle finally snapped.

2. Children enjoyed throwing tomatoes at her, just to watch them go into orbit.

3. Bloated, useless, and getting bigger every day, but enough about the Government.

4. Technically, she's one beef-and-bean burrito away from being designate a Weapon of Mass Destruction

5. The kind of woman who wonders why bacon doesn't come in packages for two people.



Best of  blue
...and she has the middle seat next to you on your next flight.

Best of Double the U
"Oh, did you bring the celery?" She asked.

Best of metalgarth
Alternate reality 25678: BET bought the rights to remake "Return of the Jedi"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Fortunately, Cottonelle's Superbowl commercial aired during the power blackout, dramatically reducing the number of viewers who went blind.

Threadwinner: GregMan
Somewhere, deep within the folds of blubber, an Obamaphone is screaming for it's life.

Best of prince of leaves
Where will YOU be when your laxative never kicks in?

Best of Spineless Vertebrae
Even Sir Mix-a-Lot has his limits.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Okay, you've convinced us, Mr. Peterson. Your new chair design IS the strongest one I've ever seen in my whole life!" The head of Jacobson's Furniture Depot knew right then that he was going to be a very, very rich man.

22 comments:

blue said...

...and she has the middle seat next to you on your next flight.

Double the U said...

"Oh, did you bring the celery?" She asked.

metalgarth said...

Alternate reality 25678: BET bought the rights to remake "Return of the Jedi"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Shawneequa has more balls than congress.

-OR-

Match.com's "head shots only" policy hides the butt ugly truth about on-line dating.

-OR-

The new Lazy Girl furniture line is built with the "modern" woman in mind.

-OR-

DELTA's Carry on Baggage policy now has people sit in a typical First Class chair before boarding. WIDE LOADS like Bertheenya are charged extra.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Fortunately, Cottonelle's Superbowl commercial aired during the power blackout, dramatically reducing the number of viewers who went blind.

GregMan said...

"I ain't eatin' no celery. You never knows where it's been!"

Steve O said...

My guess is that eHarmony photo only shows her from the boobs up.

GregMan said...

Somewhere, deep within the folds of blubber, an Obamaphone is screaming for it's life.

Kaptain Krude said...

When she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.

prince of leaves said...

[fwump!] "You see? I told you if I sat on this unreinf-- er, cheap, poorly-built chair, I'd crush its legs!"

Kaptain Krude said...

"All right, 007," the SPECTRE head chuckled evilly, "Tell us where you hid those files, or I'll have D'aniquah here sit on you."

"Good God, man!", James Bond replied. "There's no need to be like that! Here, here, for the love of God, man, here!"

Kaptain Krude said...

"All right, Mrs. Obama, why don't you tell us how those two bowling balls just 'happened' to fall into your pants."

prince of leaves said...

Etta was known as "Sharktooth" for a reason.

prince of leaves said...

Where will YOU be when your laxative never kicks in?

prince of leaves said...

Not only were Kameelah's twins still nursing at nine, she still proudly carried them around in Baby Bjorns.

prince of leaves said...

Nice. Making fun of a quadruple amputee demystifying disability by unabashedly displaying her stumps. Read her story. Educ-- Oh, wait...nevermind.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Somewhere, Dub just threw up A LOT in his mouth.

-OR-

Phat Friday Babe's = FAIL

-OR-

TRUE: Google Image search results include photos of chipmunks with their jowls packed with peanuts.

-OR-

If you hear a muffled OMFG, it's the poor fool who hired Urethra as a lap dancer ... he's stuck underneath.

-OR-

She's got the whole junkyard in her trunk?

Carpe Phlogiston said...

That's not just the caboose, that's a train wreck.

USMC2841 said...

Baby got a back-40.

Spineless Vertebrae said...

Even Sir Mix-a-Lot has his limits.

Kaptain Krude said...

"Okay, you've convinced us, Mr. Peterson. Your new chair design IS the strongest one I've ever seen in my whole life!" The head of Jacobson's Furniture Depot knew right then that he was going to be a very, very rich man.

Kaptain Krude said...

"So! You think photoshopping or captioning President Oba... I mean, Dear Leader, is funny, do you? Well, we'll see how funny you think you are when She'Mequia is finished sitting on you! And FYI, she'll never be finished sitting on you! Bwa-ha-ha-ha!"