Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Lance Oprah Oprah Lance


1. Oprah: "Mr Armstrong, now that you have had both testicles removed, is it true you intend to run for Speaker of the Republican House?"

2. "... And then the French Police raided my hotel room and confiscated three banned substances; soap, shampoo, and deodorant."

3. "I don't why he's such a SCOAMF, Oprah. He's one of your people, you explain it."

4. "Yeah, that Rosa de Lauro sure is one ugly bitch."

5. "Whose idea was it to decorate your altar with three empty shampoo bottles and a collection plate; what exactly do you worship, Oprah?"


8 comments:

metalgarth said...

And then after I scored 7 straight 100% scores on my spelling tests in 5th grade, the teacher suspected I was cheating. From then on, I made sure to misspell a word or 2 so she wouldn't get too suspicious. I'm sorry I forgot that valuable lesson from grade school.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

So do your breasts grow and shrink on those yo-yo diets?

-OR-

That I lied about taking drugs isn't the whole confession. I didn't have cancer. The steroids caused one of my testicles to balloon up like this and I looked ridiculous in that lycra suit.

dadoctah said...

"Never mind the drug stories. What was it like walking on the moon?"

USMC2841 said...

Lay off!!! It took a lot of ball to go on Oprah and admit to doping.

GregMan said...

"Would it make it more journalism-y if I jumped up and down on the couch?"

GregMan said...

"Yeah, there's only one left, but it's this big!"

jimmy said...

"All things considered, Oprah, I still say the lowest point of my life was when I spent that awful time having to listen to Sheryl Crow sing at me. Damn, Oprah! Does any of that s#$% she writes make a lick of sense?"

Dr. Doom said...

"So you see Oprah," related Mr. Armstrong, "It is just as well that they have pulled all of my endorsements - I can't afford the new taxes anyway."