Friday, November 30, 2012

Hey, Look at the Old Queen

After years of enjoying his music and movies, Her Majesty was thrilled to meet Rob Zombie.

"Nice try, Charlie, but I didn't live this long by letting my guard down."

Best of chronos the wonder pig
'Camella dear, you just must take better care of yourself."

Best of metalgarth
In Disney's 1st "Star Wars" movie, it is revealed that Mary Poppins became a Sith Lord and tricked Chewbacca into being her apprentice.

Best of Dr. Doom
"Oh Lady Smythe, I just adore your Ascot hat this year!, cooed Her Majesty

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
The stalker was able to get this close to the Queen Mum by posing as a hay bale for Prince Harry's polo pony.

Best of GregMan
"Harry, dear, I know you're worried about more compromising photographs, but I really don't think this is the way to go."

Best of Joshua
On this episode of Finding Bigfoot the crew travels to Britain to investigate a suspicious photograph.

Best of Dr. Doom
"Have Sergeant Major Jones report to the royal chambers", ordered Her Majesty, "I wish to toss his salad."

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Glenn Beck Ruins a Perfectly Good Jar of Urine

Yes, He Went There

I don't know art, but I know what I like.

Best of dadoctah
"You got urine on my POTUS!"
"You got POTUS in my urine!"
The Reese's people get all topical and shit.

Best of Artfldgr
A thousand years from now an archeologist digs it up out from the rubble, and then wonders wtf?

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Red Tide

"... and now you see what happens when a shark frenzy meets a water polo team. Isn't nature magnificent?"

Best of prince of leaves
Why you should never shift from Fap Turbo into Fap Overdrive without clutching.

Best of Cat Whisperer
Jamie Foxx calls President Obama “Our lord and savior” and now the rivers are turning into blood. Lets just skip to the end of the Bible to see what is next ...

Best of metalgarth
Huh, it's exactly the amount of Kool Aid consumed before the general election.

Best of GregMan
I see Sandra Fluke went swimming while she was on the rag again.

Best of dadoctah
For the first time in recorded history, there's *not* room for Jell-O.

Best of Spineless Vertebrae
"Now if this tide could only roll," said the Alabama fan.

Best of Spin
" Yes dear, every month from the ages of 12 to 50. Get used to it"

Best of Steve O
Okay. If locusts eat all the crops, I say we let the Jews do whatever they want, and we don't get in the way.

Best of Mr Hankey
Next time, the Tea Party gets ugly...

Naked Boehner

Some idiot leftists got naked and threw a tantrum in Speaker Boehner's office today.


BTW, totally nailed that NaNoWriMo thingie. And it works with this post because my nov was about football. Mostly about football.

"Maybe it's just the concussion talking, but I have always, always loved you."

Best of kg
it's ok... I'll still shower with you

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
I'm only doing this because I lost the bet.
I know, but it still means something, right?

Best of Shayne
"It's ok, big guy, I didn't vote for him either."

Best of Dr. Doom
Former Penn State players in the NFL always meet at midfield to exchange the secret handshake...

Best of Mr Hankey
2025 - Progressive football is played much friendlier now and the post-game handshakes now often leave to something really special

Monday, November 26, 2012

Ho Ho Frakkin' Ho

Daily Caller

Hey, Look, it's the guy who gives away free sh-t, and he's talking to Santa Claus.

Best of GregMan
"I'd leave coal in your stocking, Barry, but you've f&#%ing banned it!"

Best of Cat Whisperer
Sinterklaas and his moor, Zwarte Barack

Best of Submariner
Whispered; "Can ya hook a brother up, Santa? How about some arsenic-coated eatin' shovels for the White House?"

Best of  blue
"Barry, you were so good in the sauna room at Man Country that for Xmas I'm giving the New York Times pictures!"

Best of Dr. Doom
Moments after the meeting, Mr. Obama lobbied Congress to slap a tariff on all toys, candy canes, milk, cookies, and good cheer of any sort...

Best of jimmy
"This so-called 'nice guy' has been operating an off-shore, outsourced toy factory for decades, and avoiding paying his fair share in taxes!"

----Obama happily embarks on his most challenging character assassination yet.

Wardrobe Malfunction

There's just nothin' funny out there today. Therefore, tittehs. 

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Speaking of Tossing That Salad

Best of dadoctah
"Spidey sense...tingling!"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Nope, no Thursday babe up there!

Best of GregMan
I see Ang Lee is Honorary Grand Marshall of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Best of metalgarth
It's all been downhill since Disney bought Marvel comics

Best of Dr. Doom
In retrospect holding the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade in San Francisco was a bad idea. the networks pledged to move it into the 9:00 PM time slot next year...

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Happy Thanksgiving Monors

Scared Straight

News Item: The Fascist Theocrats on the San Francisco City Council have voted to outlaw public nudidity. 

OMG, Ms Paltrow, put something on!

Best of champaignken

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Johnny reacts to the Hollywood Blvd ventriloquist's talking penis when it starts saying, "I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you."

Best of Spin
At that very moment little Bruce became a "bottom" just so he would never have to face one of those again.

Best of Dr. Doom
Little Jimmy takes an horrifying look into his future in the streets of San Francisco...

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Three Guesses Who She Voted For

As Seen on Teh Facebooks

MSNBC has already offered her a show.

Best of GregMan
Starshine later wondered why none of the nearby servicemen came to her help when she got mugged while leaving the cemetary.

Best of Submariner
When BO noticed her, he immediately offered her the position of Veteran's Affairs Czar for his second term.

Best of Cat Whisperer

Best of metalgarth
Example #238949 of not understanding the difference between 'clever' and 'stupid'

Firm Supple Hinders

Young Democrats master the technique of sticking their hands in someone else's pocket.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Hold still, Steve, lemme give you a Fap Turbo."

Monday, November 19, 2012

Kneel Before Clod!!


Threadwinner metalgarth
Henceforth, you will be known as Darth... Wanker

Best of chronos the wonder pig
"... and remember, when you meet Obama, he bows to you...."

Best of GregMan

Best of racerboy
"Sire, the peasants are revolting!"

Best of Andy from Beaverton
Is that Biden or Prince Charles? Hard to tell the difference unless they are speaking.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
I uh I um Well I was expecting a limo, or perhaps a carriage, but nevertheless, thank you, good people of Fenshire. Will someone help lift me onto his back?

Best of prince of leaves
"Is it housebroken? Camilla would never put up with it crapping on the priceless Persian carpets."

Best of prince of leaves
Behind the scenes at the filming of "Return of the Would-Be King Who Never Will Be Unless He Smothers His Mum With a Pillow in the Night (Not That He's Thought About It Or Actually Bought The Pillow, No)".

Friday, November 16, 2012

More From the Moron-Monor Interface

F.G.: Draw yourself a paycheck, idiot

E.H: You don't look like you're starving. Come back in a month.

UFMS: I hear certain clays are edible, perhaps start there?

C.H: If you see her, just shrug and inform her, "You didn't build that art. Somebody else made that happen."

C.A.L.: Eat your sign if you are so freaking hungry. Don't cockroaches eat paper?

J.D: "Is that a woman or a hipster guy with a pink hat?"

Best of prince of leaves
And yet, if you were to describe artists as workers and laborers, Scout here would blow a gasket in outrage at being so trivialized.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
The tear-jerking plea went viral on YouTube and was seen during a break in a White House cabinet meeting discussing new ways to pander to illegals. Obamalama immediately ordered the NEA to give the artist a grant. Everyone lived happily ever after... except the millions of middle class citizens facing poverty.

Best of prince of leaves
Using expensive art supplies to make crude signs for protesting your barista wages' inability to support your pretentious moral exhibitionist preference for non-GMO solar-powered free-trade heirloom vegan locavore organic foodstuffs is not quite as sympathy-inducing as, say, being bald, emaciated, disease-ridden and covered with flies you're too weak to shoo away.

Best of prince of leaves
Sally Struthers: "For just $300 a day you too can adopt a hipster, and help provide them the food, art supplies, and Manhattan studio loft they so desperately need..."

Best of Steve O
Hey, I'm also so bad at my profession that I can't support myself. How about throwomg some cheddar MY way?

Best of metalgarth
if she is a "mirror of you" then you are one ugly person!

Best of Kaptain Krude
"My speciality is birth certificates," Sally simpered, "I did one that was the pinnacle of my talents. Ha ha, just like the great artists, I even signed mine. You're looking at U. K. L. Lee herself! Oh, look at the pretty red dot!" Charles stopped his exhalation halfway out and slowly squeezed the trigger.


from Sondrakistan because it's topical and stuff

"Well, let’s say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of debt in the national budget. Based on this morning’s sample, it would be a Twinkie… thirty-five feet long, weighing approximately six hundred pounds"

Best of Steve O
"Let's say that this Twinkie represents the amount of stupidity in an average union..."

Best of prince of leaves
"Behold: the last Twinkie in the world! Well, okay, the last new one - those others will be around until the heat-death of the universe."

Best of  Carpe Phlogiston
If you swallow this whole, you'll be headed for an intestinal disaster of biblical proportions!

Best of Dr. Doom
Congressman Frank's internet search for 'sweet twink' resulted in disappointment...

Best of Cat Whisperer
Thanks to the Obama bailout, these now cost the taxpayers $10,000 each to produce, the cream filling has been replaced with a brussel sprout, and they have a risk of spontaneous combustion.

Best of Steve O
"Let's say this Twinkie is the amount of despair and tittehs in a normal week..."

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

(Is it) All In

Threadwinner: Kaptain Krude 
"Later, I'm going to stick it in your pooper."

Best of dadoctah 
So which joke do we do first? The one about her being embedded with his unit? Or the one referring to "the Surge"?

Best of HLam 
Careful those breast pins don't pop one of these beauties...they were expensive y'know.

Best of jimmy 
Petraeus was surprised to be this year's recipient of the Bill Clinton Memorial "Do as I Say, Not As I Do" Golden Parachute Award, given to Non-Democrats as a Public Separation notice.

Best of prince of leaves "Huh, smells just like Gen. Allen..." - either one's thawtbubble.

Monday, November 05, 2012

Who Needs a Hug

1. "It's OK, son. Ssssh, Sssh. Now just calm down and tell me what Senator Reid showed you in the bathroom."

2. "Don't cry, son. Senator Reid may be scary, but he's old and soon he'll die and be in Hell where Satan will burn his soul for all eternity."

3. "Don't be afraid, son. It's not Joy Behar, it's just a giant Lee Press-On Nail glued to a plinth."

4. "You made $400 scalping tickets to a free event on eBay? That's my boy!"

5.  "Armed assassins? This child will shield me!"

Last of the Eeyores

1. Mittens: "So, do they have McRibs here, or was that a limited time promotion."
2. The driver swore, if they sang the Spice Girls "Wannabe" one more time, he was gonna plow the van into the nearest oak tree.
3. Mittens: "Oh, look, Sandra Fluke's holding a rally. Let's hop out and say 'Hi' to both of them."
4. Mittens: "Well, part of your duties will be breaking ties in the senate, but you'll also be in charge of protecting the integrity of the space-time continuum. Read your Constitution."
5. Mittens: "Oh, sure, we'll get the most votes, but the Illuminati and our lizard people overlords have already chosen Obama for a second term, so all of this is just for show. Make it look good, though. The normals must never suspect."

Friday, November 02, 2012

Better Captions Through Crowdsourcing

The Morons at Acebook helped with these:

1. The SCOAMF wondered, "How could those tiny, tiny hands shove so much food into that gaping maw?"
2. Christie: "I was told there would be a meal on this flight!"
3. Christie: "What do you mean I have to pay for TWO seats?"
4. Christie: "Mr. President, I may or may not have just passed gas - please remain calm."
5. Christie: "....and so I deep fry the butter BEFORE I pour it over the popcorn..."
6. Christie: "So, this 'donut hole' in Medicare that you keep talking about. Does it have sprinkles?"
7. Christie: "He will join us or die, my Master!"
8. Christie: I'm still voting for Mitt,but you had candy.
9. SCOAMF: "Governor, I hope you are enjoying your first... and *last*... ride in the presidential helicopter."
10. SCOAMF Thoughtbubble: "Hmmm, the engines are going full power and we're barely at treetop level."
11. "I'm tellin' ya, take the Jets. You can't miss, Sanchez is playing like freakin' Montana, it's a _sure_thing."
12. "You got a wider lavatory on this thing? I really gotta shit!"
13. Joke and the Fatman.

Japanese pron is SO WEIRD!

Best of Joshua
Good thing I was wearing this helmet or that fall would have hurt. Maybe I can still spit the grenade but how am I going to pull the pin?

Best of blue
Well, just don't let it become a fetish!

Best of dadoctah
Marketing tests identified "grenade" as the least successful Pocky flavor of all time.

Best of prince of leaves
ORA: Vir quickly stuffed the lurker's severed head into his robes and scurried away, hopeful that the novelty of a human trophy would appease Emperor Cartagia's insane caprice for another day.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Unexploded IED from WW2

Best of Spin
"Where are my tentacles?"

You got this

Working on stuff, so... take it, monors.

Best of Dr. Doom
Boba Mitt gets his man...

Best of Joshua
Zoom in closely on Mr. Fett's hands. On the left hand he wrote "Obama" with a marker and on the right hand he wrote "Carbonite".

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Er, Solo? Did you say 'Solo'? I thought you said 'Sulu'! No wonder he so enthusiastically ran toward my big gun!"

Best of Spin
That visor won't help if M'Chel shows up in the slave costume

Best of Rodney Dill
still not quite as stiff as Al Gore.

Thursday, November 01, 2012

Better Late Than ...

Happy November, Expect More

Since I decided to do NaNoWriMo, and there are only so many hours in the day, and there are three projects heating up at work, expect a lot more babes and open capping threads. In fact, if the SCOAMF doesn't lose, I might just go wall-to-wall babes until the despair passes.