Saturday, September 29, 2012

Football, Homoeroticism In

1. So close to a metaphor for Obama's second term. So close.
2. Billy hated it when the QB called "Safe School Czar play on 3."
3. "Let's run this play like Romney runs his campaign; ignore the other sides weaknesses and emphasize our own. We'll also be removing the entire offense from the field."
4. "That's OK, Jamal. It happens to all men, sometimes."
5. Competitive Naked Team Leapfrog was... much less fun after the NCAA issued protective gear requirements.



Best of Mr Hankey
Losing out on fulfilling lunches, the boys prepare their own protein injections.


Best of Dr. Doom
In retrospect the Penn State pre-game stretching exercises should have been a warning sign...


Best of Whacko
"Thank you sir! May I have another?"


Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Frail effeminate black kid just wanted a ride on Melvin's back, but coach said not until he helps with Butt Crunch drills. "Put yer knee in between his cheeks. Ok, Melvin, squeeze and lift, squeeze and lift."


Best of GregMan
Ang Lee. The Longest Yard. You do the math.

Friday, September 28, 2012

The Ultimate Dirty Job



1. Mitt Romney inspects the construction of his Dalek Army.
2. "Hey, Mitt, I dare you to chug a six pack and run that forklift." "You are so on, my friend."
3. L-R: Hard Work and Success; losing to a guy who hands out free cell phones.
4. "Really, Mitt? You've never farted once in your entire life?" "Yeah, it's a Mormon thing."
5. "Really, Mitt? These union guys see no connection whatsoever between their $79 an hour assembly jobs and why this factory is going to Mexico?"


Best of GregMan
"I know you've picked up monkey crap and whacked off turkeys, Mike, but believe me, that's nothing compared to campaigning against a corrupt Chicago machine politician."

Best of metalgarth
If the "Dirty Job" is seeing the FLOTUS naked, then they aren't using the right kind of eye protection.

Best of  dadoctah
"I really love firing people. Starting with the campaign aide who was *supposed* to be getting me a photo op with the head of Microsoft."

Best of Jack Reacher
"That's him. There's that sick intercourse who keeps posting offensive hot chick photos."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Mitt was really disappointed to learn that Dirty Job wasn't a biblical character gone bad.

Threadwinner: Spin
Mitt, the dog carrier really has to go inside from now on.

Dark Lord of the School Crossing



1. Surprisingly, the penalty for slaughtering all the younglings in the Jedi Temple was 20 hours of community service.
2. Even the Evil Galactic Imperium had to bow to the Chicago Teacher's Union.
3. "Cool! Now choke the bitch in the Murano!"
4. "You are a part of the rebel alliance and a spy. And your Hello Kitty backpack is adorable!"
5. "Her toothpick legs are due to M'Chel's school lunch calorie restrictions."


Best of metalgarth
It's not any worse than any of the other prequels.

Best of dadoctah
"Not our first choice for the job, but drivers were actually speeding up *trying* to run down Jar-Jar Binks."

Best of Shayne
"I've changed the traffic patterns. Pray I do not change them further."

Best of Dr. Doom
The job market for washed up Sith Lords was pretty soft. Fortunately the Obama Administration was looking for a new Safe Schools Czar...

Best of Rodney Dill
Darth: "I find your lack of faith in line with the separation of church and state."

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Leia?" A chance meeting in this timeline completely erases his reality. Now Luke Skywalker is a man out of time. He must repair his reality by using Doc Brown's Delorean time machine to go... Back to the Star Wars.
"Nah," said George Lucas and Steven Spielberg in unison, "Not even the geekboys would believe that!"

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Boobs!


For the Annoyance of Gay Trolls

A troll at the GayPatriot blog has his knickers in a knot over my habit of posting pictures of attractive ladies. Like this one:



More like this at The Brigade.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

In Which We All Just Get Along

Brender



1. Not even Cruella de Vil was spared the effects of Obama's Depression.
2. "So are we, like, Amish or Hassidic, or what? Also, I can't quit you."
3. "Suddenly, I'm craving Chinese Take-Out."
4. "Wow, those fags really ripped that Chik-Fil-A cow guy apart."
5. "Hassidic Cosplay," Matt Damon and Ben Affleck's secret fetish.


Best of dadoctah
Why schools have a zero-tolerance policy for the wearing of gang colors.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Man, the pigeons are really flocking today, aren't they, Gerald?"

Best of Spineless Vertebrae
Weird Al really needs to get over his past successful songs.

Best of Rodney Dill
Ned never was able to convince anyone that Holstein was a Jewish name.

Best of Dr. Doom
"I don't know what it was but I'm pretty sure it wasn't kosher", replied Schlomo...



Morons Rule This Land

Was it you, Schneider?

U filz in da blank

One of you Monors.... not sure which





Best of Rodney Dill
Well if its in Livonia, we know what it says....

Best of Dr. Doom
If Obama Campaign ad writers sold real estate for a living...

Best of prince of leaves
ORA: Frank Drake's binary-encoded epithet was deliciously cruel, but unfortunately none of the famous radio astronomer's soon-to-be-former neighbors could interpret it.

Best of Spin
e-thugging grammar nazi

Monday, September 24, 2012

SCOAMF Eats Stuff, MFM Swoons

Sondra the K


1. "I wish I were that apple and he were taking a bit out of me," sighed Chris Matthews, and Katie Couric, and Andrew Sullivan, and Brian Williams, and Bob Scheiffer, and Scott Pelley, and Nora O'Donnell, and Soledad O'Brien, and...

2. "Am I bigger crybaby than Tom Brady? Guilty as charged."

3. "So, this is where ordinary Americans buy their Arugula and Wegyu steak. How quaint."

4. And the Lord Spoketh Unto Barry and Said "Eat Thou NOT of the Fruit of the Tree of Narcissism, Lest Thou Become a Stuttering Clusterf--k of a Miserable... Oh, Sh-t, Why Am I Even Wasting My Breath?"

5. I am totally not paying for this, chuckled the SCOAMF to himself.

I Can Has Eye Bleech?



1. Other hand: "Are totally f--ked."
2. Ugly Tree + Gravity + Every Branch on the Way Down = ^^^^^^^^.
3. On other hand "Will also resemble resemble bucktoothed cocker spaniels."
4. ORA: River Song was really messed up after the Weeping Angels turned her into a retard.
5. Answer to "What does the Safe School Czar want to bugger?"


Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Age progression image of Chelsea Clinton. No, wait, it's a recent photo.

Best of GregMan
Other hand: "Who hopes they're adopted?"

Best of Submariner
"Cause it's the Thriller,"
"Thril-ler Night!"

Oh, that NOT makeup?

Best of Dr. Doom
Other Hand: "They're what's for dinner!"

Best of Jack Reacher
Other hand: "Pretend they live with the neighbors."

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Saturday, September 22, 2012

The Unanticipated Return of SciFriday


1. "Oh, c'mon, we can't all go to the costume party as Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
2. All three simultaneously: "Your hairstyle is ridiciulous."
3. "I see you guys also fell for the Fantastic Sam's 'We'll f--k up your hair real good for $5' offer."
4. Auditions for the lead in the Broadway Musical "I'm Rick James, Bitch" continued this week.
5. "It's official; we're the only beings in the universe with uglier hair than Debbi Wasserman-Schultz."


Best of Spineless Vertebra
Mops- the white man's substitute for dreadlocks.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Chinese Knock-off Recall: Iowa, Ohio and Tennessee Rogaine users are urged to return cartons to place of purchase IMMEDIATELY.

Best of jimmy
In the year 2040, the fledgling People's Republic of California features a Cult of Personality built around their leader, the rambling, demented, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz. Trouble brews as three of her underlings plot to overthrow her and install their chosen successor, the surprisingly well-preserved Nancy Pelosi.

Best of Dr. Doom
A rare glimpse into a meeting of the Romney Campaign brain trust...

Best of Rodney Dill
Dammit... I wanted to be Zombie Bob Marley for Halloween.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
SNL reenactment of the first debate between Obamalama and Romney, moderated by Stephen Colbert in drag.

Best of Submariner
Della Reese's first pilot for "Touched By An Angel" didn't garner much support, thought the Angel of Death was MUCH more frightening.

Best of Steve O
"What will we make this week's alien uniforms out of? All we have to work with are these Sealy Posturpedic mattresses that the actors are sleeping on in the alley behind the studio!

Friday, September 21, 2012

I love... lamp?3.

Brender




1. The campaign sails at yet another awkward attempt to humanize Mitt Romney.
2. Compared to Obama's $400,000 Champagne Towers, Romney fundraisers are modest affairs.
3. To preserve anonymity during threesomes in the shrubs, a little creativity may be necessary.
4. "Do those people in the bushes look shady to you?"
5. The people who voted for Romney in the primary because he was the most electable wish to remain anonymous.


Best de Todd
These Royal events and their silly hats

Best de HLam
Man (?) in the middle: "Yeah, I got yer three-way bulb RIGHT HERE!"

Best de Rodney Dill
The Duchess of Cambridge, along with the rest of the royal family, are taking great precautions to avoid the paparazzi.

Best de dadoctah
Today's V the K caption is brought to you by (wait for it!) tvtropes.com.

Best de Dr. Doom
50 Shades of Grey... the blonde edition.

Best de  Carpe Phlogiston
Andres! Mummenschanz got into the liquor cabinet again.

Best de Spineless Vertebra
Man in the middle: "So, how do I turn you two on?"

Best de metalgarth
That's one way to avoid seeing "Christmas Story II".

Best de Submariner
Mittens and other rich white people use live jockeys to light their sidewalks...

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Grown Men Who Write on Their Hands, the Caption Experience

Jim Treacher via Teh Twittuh


1. Obama has the creepy sex offender vote locked down, apparently.
2. This is Obama's campaign director. Now, we know whose idea it was to hire the Safe Schools Czar.
3. In sign language, this gesture means "Would you like to see the inside of my van. little boy?"
4. Least creepy campaign photo... last place finisher.
5. Anthony Weiner's twitpics now seem cheeky and fun, in retrospect.

Some Things Are Too Disturbing To Caption

But, being Monors, we caption them anyway.


1. Well, you can tell this wasn't taken at a techer's union protest; the child's sign is spelled correctly.
2. Some of the signs displayed during the Chicago Teacher's Strike were a little off-message.
3. What the hell. "Your 'Prophet' sucked ass and smelled of camel's dung." I'm sure I can take the little runt.
4. How the 47% occupy their time between welfare checks.
5. I guess it's no worse than all those children holding up signs at tea party advocating violent murder of those who disagreed with them. Oh, wait...

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Editorial Comment of the Day

The Daily Caller




Best of Dr. Doom
Earl inadvertently sums up the collective will of a nation...

Best of HLam
How do you know that's a Democrat? 'Cause only Republicans are smart enough to piss DOWN hill!

Best of Joshua
And I fart in your general direction.

Best of metalgarth
'scuse me while I whip this out!

Best of Steve O
Just wait until Obama gets to point number two...

Purty

The Smoking Gun via Shayne



1. One of Barney Franks "bridesmaids" got a little rowdy at the bachelor party.
2. Oh, Larry Craig, where have you been widening your stance this time?
3. Levi's new Bib'alls found a small but devoted following.
4. "Hello, Clarice... slurpslurpslurpslurpslurpslurp." Ang Lee has got to stop remaking movies.
5. "How dare Mitt Romney say I'm a freeloader just because I get five check from the Gubmint ever month. No way I vote for 'im. Course, I wasn't gonna vote for 'im anyways."


Best of metalgarth

Best of USMC2841
He's a lot prettier at closing time. I'm just sayin'.

Best of blue
"With heels, I'm 6'3"!!'


Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Thawtbubble: We need to spice up our sex life, Edgar. Just pretend, Edgar. You look cute, Edgar. Have another drink, Edgar. Nobody will see us cause we'll stay in the backyard, Edgar. But, I really want strawberry ice cream, Edgar. It's late, the Jiffymart will be empty, Edgar.
I'm gonna smack that broad senseless when I get home.

Best of Rodney Dill
...and his height is six foot fun.

Best of  Double the U
And then the mean officer took away my matching wig.

Best of Spineless Vertebrae
"I would've never shot her if the bitch had admitted I looked fabulous in my new dress."

Best of Submariner
Uncle Morty obviously didn't understand when nephew V da K suggested he come to the family Halloween party as a "Pussy Pop."

Best of Jack Reacher
Sure, say it's harmless, but fifty years from now, this will be what Toddlers & Tiaras has wrought.

Best of Jack Reacher
Look at the bright side, Doug. As a unionized teacher, even this won't get you fired.

Best of Cat Whisperer
An open records request finally produces the photograph that was attached to the resume of Obama’s Safe School Czar.

Best of Dr. Doom
Another of the voters that Romney will never convince to vote for him...

Best of GregMan
"I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for those meddling kids and the smell they made when their bodies started decomposing!"

Best of Steve O
The strap of his dress is turned over. Is he ever going to be embarrassed when he sees that!

Best of  Dactyl
It gets worse - there's a 240 pound drug dealer in the holding cell who's wearing the exact same outfit.



Monday, September 17, 2012

The Mask

Really busy this morning, but I can trust you monors to handle this.




Best of Rodney Dill
"The thing's hollow—it goes on forever—and—oh my God—it's full of czars!"

Best of John.....just John
What mask? I'm crying because my entire life's accumulated income will not be enough to pay off the debt that I've been saddled with!

Best of metalgarth
"But Mahmmmmm! I don't want to be Carl for Halloween. I want to be Lenny"

Mel Brooks' attempt to merchandise 'Blazing Saddles' was an epic fail.

"The only way you are going to get into a good nursery school is by affirmative action, so put this on and shut up!"

Best of dadoctah
Young Donald Trump's first childhood trauma.

Best of Double the U
Obviously that child is a racist.

Best of Submariner
George and Maud were unusually effective in their use of the bogey-man as a behavior modification tool...

Best of Spineless Vertebrae
You think that reaction was bad? Should've seen how he acted after seeing a mask of Michelle.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Ma'am, we're looking for a fellow who's been passing rubber checks and phony currency in Wal-marts all over the country. We don't have a good photo, but he bears a striking resemblance to this mask.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Michael Moore... What Have You Done?


Best of jimmy Obama lost 75% of the Af-Am vote this week, when news spread that he won't even protect the fried chicken from Islamic terrorism. Best of Spin HULK no want fries with that! Best of Steve O If Wallace can sack Hardee's he can invade lower England! Best of Spineless Vertebra It wasn't until after the destruction that the local gay rights activists realized they had vandalized the wrong fast food restaurant. Best of Dr. Doom Hardee's attempt to cash in on the publicity avalanche garnered by Chick-Fil-A by coming out in support of LGBT issues backfired when Rosie O'Donnell showed up to buy some burgers... Best of Kaptain Krude "Man, that Grimace is a mean drunk." Best of Jack Reacher "I saw the whole thing, officer. The car was driven by a chick with red hair in pigtails, there was a clown in the right seat, and some dude with a crown in the back..." Best of Cat Whisperer “Welcome to Hardee’s. Can we interest you in our Bacon Cheddar Fries, Bacon Cheese Thickburger, Bacon Egg and Cheddar Wrap, or Bacon Bacon Biscuit today?” “Lululululululululululululululululul!”

You Should See the Cat


1. What if they mated: Gene Simmons and M'Chel Obama.
2. "Tongue Gonorrhea? Dammit, I never should have hooked up with Sandra Fluke at the DNC."
3. "And what are your qualifications to be a State Department intern Ms... Phlox, is it?"

Lean Forward


1. Worst. Basic Instinct. Remake. EVER!

2. Mika was overjoyed to finally wash the last traces of "MINE" off her breasts.

3. "I'm Joe Scarborough. I'm running for President in 2016. I am sure I will win because all my liberal friends promised they'd vote for me because they could support a moderate Republican like me or John Mc... Hey, wait a minute."

4. "Mika! You're desecrating the Sacred Altar of Our Dark Lord and Master! That thing was washed with the blood of a thousand children, so get your whore ass off of it."

5. "Welcome back to Morning Joe. I'm Joe Scarborough here with Mika Brezinsky and President Obama, who is going to give Mika a gyno exam."

Better Versions of Obama Hugging

I like this one best



This One Also Good


Crack

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Fauxcahontas? Taxajawea?



1. Unable to ever honestly answer a question, Elizabeth Warren severely underestimates the size of the Chicago Teacher Union President's ass.

2. "I'm a BIG Liar, and I need a BIG cereal."

3. "Would you believe I'm 1/64th African-American? 'Mammy!'"

4. "He's got the whole world... in his hands... he's got the whole wide world... in his hands... C'mon clap with me, don't be uptight."

5. "Paleface Squaw need heap big wampum for campaign... so, donate today!"


Best of Double The U
I am here to announce my engagement to Ward Churchill.

Best of jimmy
"And then I walked into the green room, and who should I see but Sandra Fluke, who was on her knees doing this gesture for Bill Clinton! {gestures, opens mouth}She's such a great American!"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Being part injun is very special. I swear, I was this close to a cigar store indian once and it shed a tear! Some sort of mystical sign, omen, miracle... or maybe a billboard... I dunno for sure.

Best of Dr. Doom
"Can't we all get along? It was just a little white lie", pleaded Ms. Warren, "Can't we just bury the tomahawk... um smoke the peace pipe... er forgive and forget?"

Best of dadoctah
With both Steven Tyler and J-Lo out of the picture, Elizabeth figured her odds of qualifying with her rendition of "I Will Always Love You" were as high as they'd ever be.

Best of Submariner
Missed it by that much, Chief!

Best of Kaptain Krude
Gentlemen, please. Judge me not by the color of my skin. For I have always been there with you. I was there when George and Weezy moved on up to the East Side. Hallelujah! Those were happy times! But, I was also there for the bad times. When Florida lost James to that tragic auto accident. And I was there when Tootie got those terribly painful braces! Yes! And when Arnold Jackson got beat up by the Gooch, I was there. So before you decide I don't belong here, remember this: I was there!

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

This is the Chief of the Chicago Teacher's Union

Try and Control Your Lust


Good gawd, the last negotiator Rahm Emmanuel sent in probably ended up in the Rancor Pit under her living room sofa.

This also explains why the Union demands included "a palette of chocolate-covered pretzels, a drum of grape jam like they ship oil in, a desk of Cheez-its and a hammock of cake."

Best of Steve-O
♫ Hey, me just met you! And me am crazy, Union Teacher, Who live off gravy!♪


Best of blue
No, the last negotiator sent in by Rahm ended up in Mrs Fat Bastard's belly.......

Best of curly
So now even the models for all of those whacky "People of WalMart" photo shoots have gone on strike because of the bad economy? That Obama could ruin a stainless steel bowling ball!

Best of Jack Reacher
"Hey, hey, ho, ho..Ho Ho? Yeah, I could go for some of those. And Twinkies."

Best of Jack Reacher
Consider my lust not just under control, but dead and buried.

Best of wwngd
Hey Hey
Ho Ho
Higher teacher salaries make your children more smarterer!

Best of Submariner
"hey, Hey, HEY; it's Fat Albertha...
and I'm a gonna stick a lot to you..."

Best of Rodney Dill
If she starts to sing... it's over.

Best of Cat Whisperer
“I have one more demand! Bring me Solo and the Wookie.”

Best of  metalgarth
Shallow Hal gets a look at Sandra Fluke

Um.... OK

There's a Reason it's called a Slut Walk and Not a Hot Chick Walk


1. She means you, Joe Biden.
2. Across from her, a guy flashes a sign reading, "OK, I Think I Can Manage That, No Problem."
3. Your sign says 'Control Your Lust' but your eyes say "I don't like men, anyway."
4. Hey, if Sandra Fluke doesn't have to control hers, why do I have to control mine?
5. State Department Interns prepare for their meeting with the Secretary.


Best of Dr. Doom
Challenge Accepted...

Best of Dactyl
Pardon me miss, would you please lower that sign? you're blocking my view of those hot blonde chicks.

Best of dadoctah
...and then dub's head exploded.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
The Price is Right
Jimmy Carter, step right down!

Best of Submariner
I'll take "Signs you WON'T see at Folsom St Fair" for $400, Alex...

Monday, September 10, 2012

Arrgh! My Eyes!

Zombeh

1. Elin Nordegren? Belinda Carlisle? Jake Gyllenhall? I don't know who, but someone has definitely let him and/or herself go.
2. Is that an amputated human toe on her left joybag? Nasty.
3. Um... after viewing the side effects, the makers of Pussy Pop had to add warning labels.
4. Hillary is getting insecure and possessive in her dotage.
5. Why do I imagine this is what a teenage, sexually confused Eric Cartman would look like?


Weirdly Coincidental Threadwinner: dadoctah
Biblical ORA: fortunately for Daniel, the girls Belshazzar painted "Tekel" and "Upharsin" on were a bit more presentable.

Best of Steve O
That dude has a serious case of moobs there, but they're not that bad.

Best of GregMan
I see they found the secret love child of Sandra Fluke and, well... any of a few thousand guys.

Best of Rodney Dill
Gawd.... Joe Biden should not have taken up tagging.

Best of Jack Reacher
Hey, I just had an idea; you know who we should trade to Pakistan for that doctor that helped us nail Bin Laden?

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
And you wonder why the "Sex Reassignment Surgery Patients Gone Wild" video series never caught on.

Best of Spin
"Touch them and I go BOOM"

Best of metalgarth
Lisa Simpson finally makes sure that Milhouse knows who owns what.

Best of Submariner
dub's into ISO 9000 now, eh?

Best of Steve O
If this dude would get a normal haircut, do something about his man-boobs, and maybe invest more than $12 is his wardrobe, he'd do a lot better with the chicks.

Say "Biden in a Biker Bar" Three Times Fast



1. Sons of Marxist Oligarchy. 2. "I'm telling you, babe, my unit is a big f--kin' deal." 3. "Hey, getting cheap thrills from fat skanks worked for Bill Clinton." 4. "Joe, let me give you my answer in three words, 'Get the f--k out'" 5. "Hey, babe, I don't if you're into it, but I would love to put you chains."


Best of prince of leaves
Unfortunately for Biden, the Secret Service's weakness for hookers and blow made it easy for the gang to bribe them to look the other way for a few minutes out behind the bar.

Best of curly
"Baby, I'll screw you harrrrd -- just like I did the American people."

Best of Rodney Dill
Joe: "Your name is Anne? then you must be Mrs. Arky... and you've got some pretty big boys here."

Best of Steve O
Ol' Joe didn't realize that according biker code, he had to give EVERYONE a little slap and a tickle.

Best of GregMan
"So is it true that all bikers are fags?"

And with one sentence, Slow Joe becomes a part of biker gang history. A really gooey part.

Best of Shayne
"Oh, Joe. You're really making me warm and moist."
Oh, sorry Petunia, my Depends are leaking."

Best of Jack Reacher
Biker on right: "He stole my pick-up line."
Biker on left: "Yeah, he has a history of plagiarism."

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Gee, your hair smells terrif... *sniff sniff* er, um, gee, your hair sure smells... *sniff sniff* um, well um, its just about time for me to be going now."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Easy Edith earns her keep doing lap dances on the dummy while the 2 biker pimps exchange knowing glances and the Secret Service stand in the background laughing their asses off.

SCOAMF Heimlich


1. "Love, soft as an easy chair, love fresh as the morning air..."

2. Bad Touch, Bill! Bad Touch!

3. Spotting Chris Matthews seething with jealous rage, Bill makes it a point to fondle Obama's ass good and hard.

4. "I, um, haven't been hugged this hard since, um, I went to that, um, pizza place and ordered the, um, extra large with arugula and poodle topping."

5. "Uh, yeah, Bill... transfer those long protein strands to me. And if you could transfer some, um, competence, also, that would be, um great."


Best of curly
Obama's such a professional that neither the victim nor the adoring crowds saw him lift the chump's wallet.

Best of Kaptain Krude
All right, the music's stopped, you can let go of each other now. Come on, now. Getting a little awkward, now.

Best of Shayne
Bill finally came to terms with the fact that Barack's no longer bringing him coffee.

Best of Submariner
There, there, Barry. Maureen Dowd didn't really mean it..."

Best of GregMan
"There, there, Bill, don't be frightened, it's only M'Chel's ass..."

Best of jimmy
Bubba thoughtbubble (looking at crowd): "Damn, is that Eva Longoria giving me the eye?"
Obama thoughtbubble: "Oh, crap, that is NOT a gun in his pocket."

Best of Rodney Dill
Both: "Hey! Who took my wallet."

Best of metalgarth
Obama: "MINE" Slick Willy: "Control Your Lust:

Friday, September 07, 2012

Don't put a gun to my head.


1. "OK, fine, I'll vote for Obama." The Black Panthers aren't fooling around this time.
2. An Obama "aide" "assists" a media "fact checker" with his review of Obama's speech.
3. Method NOT used to get Charlie Crist to support Obama.
4. Spreading the wealth around; how it actually works.
5. "Sheesh, OK Bill, you can have the last doughnut."


Best of prince of leaves
The vets at Animal Control hated it when Hank Rearden brought his dog in, as he always insisted they make the coercive force inherent the annual rabies vaccination requirement explicit.

Best of Dr. Doom
What independent voters in America feel like...

Best of Steve O
Some arguments are more persuasive than others.The example shown above is at the opposite end of the spectrum from Obama's speech.

Best of Spineless Vertebra
Alright, alright I'll tell you Bush's Baked Beans' secret recipe. Jeez.

Best of  prince of leaves
After the convention, his devotees were no longer in a mood to *ask* people to listen to their five minute spiel about Ron Paul.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Go ahead, punk. Make my day." Clint really took criticism personally.

A Fluke Is a Form of Parasite, Is It Not?



1. The Fluke attaches itself to its host --- usually an American taxpayer --- a muscular, pumping pharynx located at its forward end.

2. Coincidentally, the exact same face she was making in the Bill Clinton suite 20 minutes before she went on.

3. "Hawt" - by Democrat standards

4. Demanding taxpayers finance her birth control --- brazen. Forming the c-ck rings of all the men she did on Tuesday into a necklace - sheer chutzpah!

5. Yup, she sure showed those Republicans who tried to outlaw all forms of contraception. Oh, wait...


Best of GregMan
"OK everyone, the lines forms over there, please be ready with your pants down and condom on so I can do as many of you as possible before my speech..."

Threadwinner: Dr. Doom
Suddenly Kayne West jumped up on stage and said, "Yo Sandra I know you representin' fo yo' sistas and I'mma let you finish, but Debbie Wasserman Shultz is the skankiest ho in the party."

Best of Steve O
And batteries! We need government support for batteries! I spend over $3,000 a year on batteries!

Best of prince of leaves
It would be bad enough without, but the shrewish pointing finger is what really puts this model over the top as the Worst Sex Doll Ever.

Best of chronos the wonder pig
"..and if the gov't does not provide me with free birth control I'll start popping out young democrats until I fill three trailer parks!"

Best of Kaptain Krude
I guess it is true that the Democratic Party is the more inclusive party. I don't recall seeing any blow-up dolls giving speeches at the Republican Party convention.

Wednesday, September 05, 2012

These Are Not the Droids You're Looking For

Brender

1. As Voter ID laws became more common, Democrats in Chicago got around them by preserving the DNA of deceased voters in robot form and demanding that they be issued IDs.

2. This is how the Japanese solve their labor problems. They don't collect welfare, join gangs, or use emergency rooms for basic medical care. Well played, Japan. Now, go back to enjoying your tentacle hentai.

3. "Well, the human race has been exterminated. Our work is done."

4. "Levitating statues is much easier now that I have my Jedi powers."

5. "So, want to go off in the bushes and pleasure each other?" The first trial of the Andrew Sullivan and George Michael bots was a complete success.


Best of metalgarth
Rumor has it that Asimo has great captions for all the pictures but we'll never know because he can't prove he's not a robot.

Best of Joshua
On behalf of Asimo the ACLU sued the state of Pennsylvania over its strict new voter ID law. However, after the court rejected the challenge and allowed the law to go into effect Asimo was able to get a new voter ID card anyway by simply showing a copy of his expired warranty.

Best of Jack Reacher
"...and it writes great term papers!"

Best of Kaptain Krude
"NO! No! Bad dog! We don't do that on Mr. Wilson's lawn!"

Best of  c
"..and if we send the illegal robots home, who will cut your grass?"



I Agree



Tuesday, September 04, 2012

Nothing Says "Four More Years" Like a SCOAMF Staring at a Dog's Ass

Yeah, the site I stole it from is also having a caption contest ... so, knock yourselves out. 


1. "Rectum? Damn near ate him!"
2. SCOAMF thoughtbubble. "Am I perverted enough to fist my own dog?"
3. "Is it my turn to clean the dog's butt again? My tongue is still fuzzy from last time."
4. "Listen to that reverb! This dog's ass is a perfect echo chamber for my speech!"
5. Having narrowed his suspects to Bo and Biden, the SCOAMF prepares to collect a stool sample to compare to the one he found on the oval office rug.


Best of metalgarth
Jason Bigg's accused Bo of having a bleached anus. Only 1 person in the US was dumb enough to fall for it.

Best of Dr. Doom
"And when I say 'redistribute the wealth', that will be your command to attack Clinton and rip his throat out", instructed the President, "Do you understand - that's a good dog..."

Best of prince of leaves
"...But this right here is the round, and on a dog, boy, that's the best cut..."

Best of curly
"So THAT's what a pair of balls looks like."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
There goes the rat! Sic 'em!!!!

Best of GregMan
"Hey, this would go great with some fava beans and a nice Chianti."

Best of  Jack Reacher
SCOAMF wasn't amused when he was told that, although Bo wasn't yet housebroken, he might be if given four more years to try.

Best of Kaptain Krude
Half-black-on-half-black violence.

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
ORA: "My God...It's full of Czars..."

Pride of the SCOAMF



1. "Is that the 'Man's Country Float?' Damn, it's been a while, I don't even know half those guys."
2. "I can't believe I got out of my chair for this."
3. "I am here, and I brought enough 'pride' for all of you pathetic peasants."
4. "It's important to be proud of all the things Government has built for you."
5. The SCOAMF didn't realize the banner stood for "Paul Ryan Is Definitely Excellent."


Best of Kaptain Krude
Entire banner: "Have you no pride?" And in smaller letters: "Then the Democratic Party is for you!"

Best of prince of leaves
"...and Incompetence" -- the new topical Jane Austen mashup.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
White cheerleaders at 10 o'clock!

Best of Dr. Doom
"OK who's the joker that replaced the glass of water on my podium with Pussy Pop?", inquired the President moments after Ted Nugent exited (stage right of course)...

O Face

Shayne

1. After Tingles finished with his passionate endorsement of Obana, the response was unanimous: "I'll have what she's having." 

2. "And the Republican Party is nothing but racists and liars! I didn't see even one minority speaker at their convention! Not one!" 

3. "President Obama made a promise, and then he broke his promise... which means that Paul Ryan is a liar." 

4."I can't do it. I just can't do it. (Sob) I'm just not Gavin Newsom." 

5. Desperate to get Barack's attention and affections, Chris Matthews does his best impression of an angry black woman. 

Best of GregMan
Tingles does his best impression of a spoiled two-year-old brat. Sadly, no one notices the difference.

Best of metalgarth
...and Lucy kept pulling that football away, then the little red haired girl moved away, and my team never won a baseball game, my dog is 100x more popular than me, everyone calls me a Blockhead, I lost the spelling bee...

Best ofKaptain Krude
*insert sound of baby crying here*

Best ofDr. Doom
"This podium will never do", cried Mr. Matthews, "It is clear and everyone will see me!!!"

Best of prince of leaves
It wasn't hearing the story of Matthews' very personal one-on-one interview with the President in the pantry off the Oval Office that made the attendees queasy, it was the facial expressions and hand gestures he used in the telling.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
There are worse things than being stuck in an elevator for an hour listening to Celine Dion sing "My Heart Will Go On" over and over and over. Chris Matthews or William Shatner singing it, fer instance.

Best of Cat Whisperer
After wandering through an empty MSNBC studio for hours, it suddenly dawns on Chris Matthews that all of the other news anchors have gone to Charlotte, N.C. and he was left HOME ALONE.

Monday, September 03, 2012

Isn't This Better Than An Empty Chair?



If You Thought the Sand Sculpture Was Bad, You Should See What They Replaced It With




Best of GregMan
I told them not to show M'Chel the latest poll results while she's on her period...

Best of Submariner
Mitt Romney as described by pretty much any MSNBC host...

Best of dadoctah
It started with "in these troubled times, we all have to make sacrifices". Then things just got out of hand.

Best of  prince of leaves
While on "urgent business" in the Cook Islands, Hillary reacts to news that Obama has dumped Biden and replaced him with Alan Grayson.

Best of metalgarth
Chtulu Flame is one the few modern heavy metal bands that really live up to their name.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
PBS recreation of Hillary at the very moment Billy told her with a straight face that he didn't feel BJ's, intercourse with same-sex goats or ladyboy orgies in the Oval Office constituted SEX and then indemnified himself with a pardon.