Friday, June 29, 2012

Two Crushing Disappointments: Prometheus and The ObamaCare Ruling

Cinematic Open Thread



1. "I hate these complicated Japanese toilets."

2. The worst part about being sodomized by Chief Justice Roberts, he expects you to thank him.

3. It's Hollywood, so of course Earth's most brilliant scientist is also a top underwear model.

4. Stumbling drunkenly through a corridor in a bra and panties, pursued by a guy in fetish suit... I miss frat life.

5. ORA: Another one of Madonna's organ banks attempts to escape the clonus facility.

Where Will You Be When Your Contempt of Congress Citation Kicks In?



1. Horrified at its role in the murder of 300 Mexicans and 2 Border Patrol agents, Eric Holder's right eye attempts to escape from his skull.

2. Must. Hold, In. Fart. Until. After. Hearing.

3. "Damn,what am I gonna do about Issa. Wait a minute! Those FALN terrorists owe me a favor, don't they?"

4. "That's the last time I ask you for legal advice, Thing."

5.Every Who down in Whoville liked firearms a lot, but the Grinch, who lived in The District - did not. The Grinch hated Firearms - the whole Second Amend. Now, please don't ask why; no one quite knows, my friend. It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. Or it could be that his head wasn't screwed on just right. But I think that the most likely reason of all... may have been that his brain was two sizes too small. But, whatever the reason, his brain or his shoes, he stood there in DC, hating the Whos. Staring down from his cave, with a sour grinchy frown, at the warm, lighted windows below in their town. " I must stop this *whole* thing! Why, for fifty-three years I've put up with it now. I must stop the right to bear arms .. but how?"


Best of Cat Whisperer
“Darrell Issa, these are not the droids ... I mean documents ... that you are looking for.”

Best of Dr. Doom
"Why did I smuggle guns into Mexico?", thought The Attorney General, "I should have listened to the Secret Service and smuggled hookers out of Mexico..."

Best of Shayne
Eric the Red just woke up from dreaming about Hillary and Pelosi in an erotic embrace.

Best of prince of leaves
After the traumatic "Basic Instinct" incident involving Nancy Pelosi, Secretary Holder could never again bear to enter a hearing room without modesty panels.

Best of prince of leaves
Eric Holder catches Maxine Waters obscenely wiggling her tongue at him. Again.

Best of prince of leaves
Eric Holder discovers the hard way the truth about Darrell Issa's Scanner powers.

Best of Rodney Dill
I didn't really want to be Attorney General anyway... I always wanted to be... a Lumberjack....

Thursday, June 28, 2012

I Told You the SCOTUS Would Screw Us


Instead of...

Was going to try and find pictures of hot lawyers and nurses in honor of whatever f--ked up opinion the Supremes deliver today. (After Roberts screwed us on immigration, I expect nothing good). But then I decided to just do what I usually do and repost from The Brigade.



Wednesday, June 27, 2012

All I said was "you have three beautiful children, ma'am." And she smacked me!




Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Seriously, is it really a hate crime to tell muslim immigrants the city saves money by having multipurpose buses pick up trash along with passengers.

Best of Rodney Dill
Jees, Dead suicide bomber children have more remains than one would expect.

Best of Dactyl
Aren't you a little tall for a Jawa?

9:38 PM
 Dactyl
After the Imperial Stormtroopers destroyed their sandcrawler, the surviving Jawas had no choice but to move back in with their parents.

Best of Cat Whisperer
The TSA later allowed all four of them to pass through security and board a plane while they were busy strip searching a wheelchair-bound 90 year old great-grandmother.

Best of Dr. Doom
One of the most popular game shows in Tehran is called Spot the Sunni. If you guessed 'the short one on the left', you sided with 82.5 percent of the audience...

Ten Speed and Six Gun

Brender


1. Ted Nugent's first triathlon went as well as could be expected.

2. "And keep your Skittles and hoodies off the bike path."

3. "It's All Right. I'm with the Department of Justice."

4. In Obama's second term, when gasoline jumped to $30 a gallon, drive by shootings took on a new flavor.

5. First rule of Bicycle Safety: Shoot to Kill.


Best of metalgarth
"DAMN. ROLLERBLADERS."

Best of metalgarth
I would say "that's me in 20 years" but it's more likely to be me in 15 years.

Best of JohnS1959
Biathlon - Detroit style...

Best of Spineless Vertebra
"I learned everything I know from 21 Jump Street."

Best of Dr. Doom
Defense spending under the new Obama budget was not the bargain Mr. Panetta had hoped for...

Best of Carpe PHlogiston
Damned kids, I told 'em to STAY OFF THE LAWN!

Best of Spin
The "No Mom Jeans" law was strict but fair.

Best of Steve O
Maybe if 83% of the budget didn't go towards pensions the police would have better bicycles.

Best of Rodney Dill
"TACKLEBERRY!!!"

I'm Back, Baby

Trust me, you don't wanna know what I was doing yesterday.



1. What not to wear: Dingo Country Edition.

2. Suddenly, the BK Bacon Sunday seemed... trite.

3. The Baconator time traveled from a Dystopic Future run by vegetarians to kill the man who started the revolution. Fortunately, the man in question was Russell Brand.

4. The typical Republican politician as seen by the MFM.

5. "Damn, I have to piss but forgot to include a bacon fly."



Best of GregMan
The picture that really got Larry Brinkin into trouble.

Best of metalgarth
Hwang completely misunderstood the other sumo wrestlers when they said he needed "more meat on his bones" to be competitive.

Threadwinner - dadoctah
Hey, whatever it takes to get the dog to play with him....

Best of JohnS1959
Later Lee Ho was invited to the Mongolian Grill by the Great Khan. His day went rapidly downhill after that...

Best of dadoctah
Ping-Ta Park was just like any other student until the fateful day he was bitten by a radioactive lamb gyro.

Best of Steve O
An anatomically correct Asian weightlifter.

Best of Spineless Vertebra
Iron Man, you're doing it WRONG! But you are doing it deliciously.

Best of Dr. Doom
Li Ho Sun thought he was a shoe in to win the 'Win A Date with Lady Gaga' contest...

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Japanese movie producers rejected the scriptwriter's premise that Homer Simpson's Spider Pig could mutate and battle Mothra at Fukushima.

Best of Spin
Chow, Yung Fat

Best of Submariner
Guess which member of the gang drew the short straw and has to distract the dobermans?

Best of Cat Whisperer
“Allah save us! Our holy bullets cannot penetrate the infidel’s bacon body armor!”

Monday, June 25, 2012

HALP. Setup Needs Punchline

About a month ago, American Elephant asked me to help him finish this visual joke...


... I figured it was a job for monors.


Best of Dr. Doom
Two of the Democrat voters on the rolls in Minnesota. Union affiliation uncertain...

Best of jimmy
Time To Bale, America!
(sic)

Best of Blue Hen
The times were bad, and the harvest poor. And so, the wicker man was erected anew, for the sacrifice that would ensure JEF's re-election. ANnd Biden stood there the whole time

Best of Dactyl
If Easter Island was built by public sector unions...

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you.

Best of Rodney Dill
The Detroit Lions offensive line is large, but rather slow.

Best of Rodney Dill
Barack Obama - supporting Hay Marriage since 2012.

Best of joshua
In the Ghostbusters summer 2012 blockbuster sequel, the Stay Puft marshmallow man is replaced by an army of Obama's straw men.

Mi Spleef

Al

1. "There you go, sir. One 'Choom' burrito. (wink)"

2. "There you go, Mr. President. And I hope the Wookie's monthly visit from 'Aunt Flo' passes quickly."



Best of Double the U
And if any of you little people had jobs you could afford lunch like me.

Best of Dr. Doom
Bartender: "Is there a spill Mr. President?"
President Obama: "In a manner of speaking - this is for Biden's mouth..."

Best of Shayne
"Excuse me? You want me to shove it where?"

Best of Steve O
Hey uhhhhh, what you think eh? Soooooo like do I have enough toilet paper for the amount of food I'm buying?

Best of Cat Whisperer
“Sorry, about the mix up with your burrito, Mr. President. We just assumed you meant “pollo” when you said “perro.”

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Amerika, it's disgraceful that these white boys have science degrees but are working at fast food joints. They's stealing jobs meant for my illegal hispanic friends!

Best of Dr. Doom
"Just great", thought the President, "Hillary gets Carla Bruni's t!ts and I'm stuck out here in bitter clinger land with a roll of Charmin..."

Best of Submariner
Yes, he's SURE the Collie he used was FRESH.




Friday, June 22, 2012

The Return of Seamus


1. 'Ow to speak Obama: 'Fast Food.'

2. When will people learn; keeping your babies strapped into car seats just makes it easier for the dingoes.

3. ORA: "Hello, Clarice..." slurp! slurp! slurp! slurp! slurp! slurp!

4. "You know what I usually eat. Why would bugs bother me?"

5. 'Who would have thought? Me, a a humble mutt, on his way to lunch with the president and the Vietnamese ambassador. I can't wait to tell them my views on trade relations."



Best of dadoctah
Why there are so many cat videos on the internet: consider the alternative.


Best of Rodney Dill
If I had a dog, he'd look just like the dog Obama ate.


Best of Submariner
I'm going to get tutored! Can't wait, can't wait,can't wait...


Best of prince of leaves
An instant later, the inner jaws shot out and consumed the photographer's head.

Best of  JohnS1959
A perfect metaphor for the Obama Administration -- gums flapping in the wind - nothing else happening (excluding vacations of course)...

Cinematic All Skate



Best of Double the U
No seriously... what did you do with the hooker?

Best of blue
Ok, the girls in blue will be here any second now so behave yourself....

Best of metalgarth
"This is worse than the time Seth McFarlane created a TV series with way too many gags in it about the baby being psychotic and gay"

Best of prince of leaves
A bloated, out-of-shape Mark Wahlberg, an animatronic teddy-bear co-star, and a curiously horrible bas-relief of Cthulhu on the coffee table...I see cinema magic here, people, *cinema magic*!

Best of  Kaptain Krude
"Yes, I'm serious. Family Guy is way overrated, and I don't give a damn who you are!" What *really* precipitated the infamous fight scene.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
What worries me most? That I'll be a divorced has been in 25 years and desperate enough to accept your offer of a BJ in a cheap motel room.

Best of Jack Reacher
"No, I don't know where the dryer sheets are. We all look alike to you, don't we?"

Best of chronos the wonder pig
'Ya know, putting Jerry Sandusky in prison for life with a 20 year old cellmate is not much of a punishment...."

Best of Submariner
Whoa...
How baked was I last night?

Retasked Cinema All Skate




Best of dadoctah
"Let us tell you about Ron Paul."

Best of Rodney Dill
Alright, back up on the car roof.

Best of Spin
In season 2 Wilfred looks the same but Elijah Wood has aged.

Best of Submariner
I'm a Mog - I'm both my own, and HIS, best friend. Let me show you why...

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Mittens Demonstrates Another Skill the SCOAMF Lacks



1. "Let's send one of these to Hilldawg. I hear she loves eating pie."

2. "Of all my wives, you two are definitely in the top five probably."

3. "Apple? But I just pulled the heads off four and twenty blackbirds!"

4. "I think Christie's gonna need about four dozen of these when I tell him he won't be VP."

5. The socialist sees only one pie to be divided. The capitalist sees a market for a bakery operation.



Best of GregMan
Getting the Stepford Wives involved in Romney's campaign proved to be a huge mistake.

Best of dadoctah
Anthony Bourdain could only look on in silence, his head slowly shaking from side to side.

Best of prince of leaves
Charles Johnson would later criticize Ann Romney for the "blatant code-word racism of her thinly-veiled Aunt Jemima costume".

Best of prince of leaves
If the lefties' constant whine that "Mitt wants to take us back to the Fifties" means in practice "attractive, happy, and well-groomed MILFs and plentiful homemade pie", well, hell, sign me up.

Best of blue
Mitt stars in American Pie 17: MILFS in the Kitchen

Best of chronos the wonder pig
hmmm, making pies in red pants...maybe Mitt will get the gay vote

Best of Spin
Ann's thought bubble:
My man can handle all types of dough.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Won't those Mexican drug lords be surprised when they start getting pies instead of machine guns from us?"

Best of JohnS1959
"Even an Amish bakery can be profitable with the right leadership", explained Mr. Romney, "All we had to do was lay off those Amish women and bring in some technology to replace them..."

Shark Week


1. Sued under the ADA, Dr. Evil was forced to make his shark tank handicapped accessible.

2.  Somehow, I know Global Warming will be blamed for this.

3. Still, less dangerous than a typical mall on Black Friday.

4. The lobby of the MSNBC building prepares for a visit from Mitt Romney.

5.  And then the ice melted at the San Jose hockey arena, and the mascots came out to play.



Best of Dr. Doom
After they let lawyers start advertising, it was only a matter of time until they started opening branch offices at the mall...

Best of jimmy
"Hey, look--the smug %itches from the Clinique Counter got relocated to the ground floor."

Best of  prince of leaves
Sometimes it takes a little more than a simple "no public restrooms" sign to keep the vagrants out of your lobby.

Best of prince of leaves
This Wells Fargo central branch wasn't taking any chances with the local Occutards.

Threadwinner joshua
Plans to close the mall due to safety concerns were overruled by the mayor who feared that reports of great white sharks would ruin the summer tourist season, the town's primary source of income.

Best of metalgarth
The first ever "Lawyer Appreciation Day" at the mall was also the last.

Best of JohnS1959
The Obamacare physical therapy pool for the elderly...

Best of Mr. Right
"You're gonna need a bigger boutique!"

Best of sonicfrog
Man, the Bond films sure are getting predictable!

Best of  Spin
John Edwards and Rielle Hunter try out their new pool.

Best of Submariner
Not even the super-duper, deluxe, every-other-year, time share deal?!? OK then; here's your gift card. Please take the ground floor exit for courtesy transportation back to your car...

Best of Kaptain Krude
"I'm sick of these mothaf***in' sharks in the mothaf***in' mall!" Some sequels just write themselves.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

A Late But Obvious Addition to Tuesday


Welcome to Flavor Country


1. "Finally, Safe from Larry Craig."

2. Hey, he has a pot to p-ss in. The Obama economic program should change that.

3. "When I bite into a York Peppermint Patty..."

4. Unfortunately, The Smiths broke up before they were able to use this as an album cover.

5. "There you go, my little friend... enjoy the sun and the crisp mountain air."

The Man With the Big Orange Sack of Nuts

OMFG

1. AC/DC concedes.

2. ORA: Some guys will do anything for medicinal cannabis.

3. "Ask Obama a tough question at a press conference? Hell, not even my balls are that big."

4. "Las Vegas police announced a break today in their search for the serial killer known as 'the Teabag Suffocator.'"

5. Now that the trial is over, Roger Clemens looses his truss.

Monday, June 18, 2012

The Tiger Woods of Pocket Pool

Weasel Zippers

1. Momma Robinson: "Are you thinking of Sandra Fluke Again?"

2. Momma Robinson: "Damn right there better be free booze at this thing." 

3. Rorschach called. He wants to slice up that dress to make two hundred face masks.

4. "Somebody at this thing better have a pack of Kools," grumbled the SCOAMF.

5. "You goin' down suckah!" "Not you too, Momma Robinson."

World's Most Horrifying O Face


1. Standard Cap Number 471: "'Scuse me while I whip this out."

2. When Hillary wants to break Bill's concentration during a speech, she flashes him the "Monica Face."

3. A lifelong addiction to Kegel exercises produces unfortunate side effects.

4. Fresh from consuming her latest victim, Hilldawg carefully rehinges her jaw.

5. "Put your pants back on, Mr. Putin. I don't swing that way."


Best of Rodney Dill
And then Bill's head exploded.

Best of prince of leaves
Sales of the Hillary Blow-Up Doll were not helped by its eerily life-like appearance.

Best of GregMan
Few were really surprised when the Secretary of State was revealed to be the Star Trek salt-sucking vampire.

Best of Submariner
"Hey Bubba; who am I?"

Best of  Dr. Doom
"So after the election I walked right up to Carla Bruni, squeezed her breasts, and shouted Honk - Honk", related the Secretary of State, "I have always wanted to do that but I thought it might be in poor taste..."

Best of jimmy
"Whoa, Dorothy! Put that bucket of water down, okay?"

Tough Mudder


1. "The Hills Are Alive... With the Sound of Chalk-Faced Whores..."

2. When the FLOTUS feels "not so fresh," everybody feels "not so fresh."

3. M'Chel returns from marking her territory.

4. M'Chel announces her next crusade; outdoor enemas for every American.

5. "Now, I did not just get back from burying a smart-ass white chick and you dan't prove it."



Best of blue
messing with Sasquatch

Best ofmpur
Where will you be when your laxative kicks in?

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
My Uncle Leo wears his belt that high. He's 86 and makes a noise like this: "Sknenk!" at random intervals for no apparent reason.

Best of Spin
"Nope I ain't been on my knees... anyone seen where David Upchurch got off to?"


Best of Carpe Phlogiston
TIDE!
CLOROX!
DRYCLEAN!
THROW IT AWAY!
'Chel couldn't figure out why the press was yelling at her, so she just smiled and kept hunting for mustard greens.


Threadwinner GregMan
Even the asbestos-lined skirts began to lose the battle against M'chel's fiery queefs.


Best of Submariner
No matter how long she dug, M'Chel couldn't find Barry's approval ratings...


Best of Rodney Dill
Ever get that not so fresh feeling.


Best of Dr. Doom
It appears the First Lady has finally uncovered one of those 'shovel ready projects' the President told us about...

Saturday, June 16, 2012

A Boi and His Dog


1. Ang Lee presents "Marmaduke"

2. Hi on bath salts, Billy proceeded to chew Rex's face off; which was just exactly the kind of story the local newspaper had been looking for.

3. When NAMBLA and PETA join forces.

4. OK, the dog and the boy are sick enough, but on a TRAMPOLINE!

5. Thanks to Obama's unconstituional Executive Order, Pedro and Sparky can remain together.




Best of blue
Marmaduke comforts Justin Halpern when he could not get a date for the prom.


Best of Dr. Doom
"Yes, he is great", replied coach Sandusky, But how do you know he is from Denmark?"

Best of GregMan
Prom Night photos in Enumclaw were... well, about what you'd expect.

Best of dadoctah
Lycanthropy: the morning after.

Best of prince of leaves
"Dogs Lick at Me" - in a flash of inspiration, a young Justin Halpern decides to become a writer.

Friday, June 15, 2012

The Preezy Almost Touches a White Working Man

Weasel Zippers


1. Da Preezy: "As you can tell by my Supreme Court and Cabinet appointments, I've always been a strong supporter of the lesbian community, and I hope I can count on you gals to vote for me."

2. "Rahm says that what you lower class types lack in imagination, you make up in sheer savage animal lust-- would you say that's true?"

3. "So, you guys work to support your families. That's so quaint."

4. "I know much more about construction work than you guys. I could probably rebuild the WTC myself."

5. I think the workers have shown their real feelings by the fact that in this dangerous construction area, the Preezy is the only one not wearing a hard hat."



Best of GregMan
Preezy Thought Bubble: "I hope Carney is right and this working-class thing won't bite me and give me rabies or something."

Best of metalgarth
The hardcore Village People fanatics welcome the latest gay stereotype into their family.

Best of blue
"...and if you re-elect me, I will grant amnesty to an illegal so he can have your job...how neat is that!!!!

Best of  Double the U
"So I can expect three votes from the both of you?"

Best of Submariner
"BOTH eatin' shovels are coated in arsenic, right?"

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Why Won't the Paparazzi Leave Rosie O'Donnell Alone?


1. "A metaphor for the Obama Re-election Campaign washed up on a beach in Canada this week..."

2. I see the guy from Tuesday has gotten up off the couch finally.

3. What a magnificent creature. Just think of all the dog food you could make with just one of those things.

4. The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue as perceived by dub.

5. Debbie in the back there would never be the same after her seeing her first whale schlong.


Best of GregMan
In a few seconds the answer to the question "Where's Waldo" will become "Getting chewed up into little pieces by an annoyed whale".

Best of Dactyl
Obviously the people of Lilliput have never seen a bicycle helmet before.

Best of Submariner
Andy Sullivan found this pic online and spent the entire afternoon fantasizing over the
amazing butt plug that ribbed snout would make...

Best of Submariner
Little Known Cap This Facts:
Daniel Keyes originally conceived Algernon as a cetacean until he imagined the realization seen with Cliff Robinson and decided to go with a mouse.

Best of Steve O
All I know is, if some guy crawls out of his stomach and says "Repent" I'm gonna repent!

Shadowplay

Psonic Phrog


1. The Last Thing You See before you're murdered by the Big Boy mascot.

2. What happens when you shine a light through an Obama supporter's ears.

3. "What's that, Shadow Man? They all need to die? Their blood will cleanse the Earth?"

4. Shadow-puppetry: Still more entertaining than the average episode of 'Mad Men.'

5. "This must be the spot where Dondi was killed in the blast at Hiroshima."

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Chulula

Brender


1. Richard Gere's Houseboys standing by.

2. "OMG, Miguel We're so ghey, even *I* want to kick our asses."

3. How to Speak Obama: "Hors d'oeuvre." Which thing in the photo, and which Obama I am referring to, are open to interpretation.


Best of prince of leaves
Is taking a cue from Lady Gaga really the best way for Bono and the Edge to raise awareness about African poverty?

Best of Spin
On the set of the new Green Hornet the Kato auditions were ... tedious.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
One dog to the other: I'll tell you one thing, watching them cavort has totally put me off the whole butt-sniffing thing.

Best of Rodney Dill
"It's a dog eat dog world."
"If we're lucky."

Best of Cat Whisperer
“Finally we have a President that supports our gay and dog-eating lifestyle!”

Best of metalgarth
Tribbles are useful for detecting 2 things: Klingons and "friends" of Sulu.

Best of Double the U
I hate those tiny annoying ankle biting creatures that are always dressed up in some strange outfit with bows and endlessly yipping about something. it almost makes you feel sorry for those dogs.

Sick of Tuesday Twinks? Here's Something Manlierer


1. ORA: In the mirror universe, Ed Schultz is an agreeable, sane, laid-back dude.

2. Playgirl has definitely relaxed its standards over the last few years.

3. Shortly thereafter, "Olive Garden" gave into public pressure and instituted a dress code.

4. How to speak Craigslist Sex Ad: "Swimmer's Build."

5. How Keith Olbermann spends his days, lately.


Best of Carpe Phlogiston
The FOX premier of "At Home with the people of Wal-Mart" got the worst ratings in Nielson's history... except for the 30-50yo obese meth addicts who live in trailer parks demographic.

Best of blue
Justin Halpern at home

Best of Double the U
Socks with Sandals is the least of your problems.

Best of Shayne
Elana Kagan has never looked so good.

Best of dadoctah
Caution: do not overinflate your Love Doll™.

Best of JohnS1959
Joe the Plumber awaiting the call of the Romney Campaign...

Best of  Dactyl
Mark McGuire should've stayed on the steroids.

Best of Steve O
Clarence allows himself five articles of clothing today.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Mannequin 5: "Doing Fine"


1. Ever since Abercrombie and Felch installed their new mannequins, sales are "doing fine" (i.e., down 99%).

2. Madame Tuassaud's had to sell it because people kept spitting on it.

3. "How much for the sex doll in the window?" Chris Matthews demanded. "Here, I am handing you a blank check. Write any amount you want on it."

4. And then they activated Dr. Soong's prototype android and it flew the Enterprise directly into the sun while insisting the ship was "doing fine."

5. Is it just me, or does the firm gaze of this dummy convey more intelligence and strength than the actual SCOAMF?


Best of Rodney Dill
Live long and grow a pair.

Best of Submariner
I am finally proud of this department store.

Best of  HLam
Finally a laser-like focus!

Best of Spineless Vertebra
The SCOAMF was honored to be a mannequin for a popular clothing department store. Until he realized how patriotic American Eagle sounded.

Best of  Carpe Phlogiston
The People of Wal-Mart photos are getting downright creepy.

Best of JohnS1959
In later years psychologists would refer to the condition as Post Teleprompter Stress Disorder...

Best of Dr. Doom
For his next project, Justin Halpern penned, I suck at Government. It will be packaged with a life sized doll...

Best of joshua
The wax museum really nailed it with their Obama "the early years". They even made him look stoned.

Best of Spin
The Trayvon Collection only at Target.

Best of GregMan
The only problem is they have to keep peeling MSNBC reporters off of it.

SCOAMF and Ms. Jackson


1. SCOAMF: "You don't agree with my gay marriage stand? Damn, And here I was absolutely positive a woman as sexually unappealing as you had to be a lesbian."

2. SCOAMF: "Coal industry? I'm sure it will be 'doing fine' under our new regulations."

3. SCOAMF: "I'm sorry, the word 'labradoodle' always cracks me up. Which reminds me, we still on for lunch?"

4. "So, Mr. President, does that giggling fit mean you had a lunch appointment with 'Senator Choom' again?"

5. Standard Cap Number 1457: "You know what I hate... Amerikkkan Flags... Sh-t, there's one behind me, isn't there?"


Best of Dr. Doom
"Is that Chris Matthews under there?", asked Administrator Jackson, "Now I know why you are smiling..."

Best of  dadoctah
Fed up with Al Green imitations, Barry teamed up with a partner to tackle Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell.

Best of Rodney Dill
"Holy sh*t... you can put lipstick on a pig."

Saturday, June 09, 2012

Take Me Out of the Closet


Before anyone says anything, captions about getting to first base are probably too cliche.



Best of prince of leaves
Trevor was happy - inordinately happy - to be accepted as a team member of the Bad Touch Bears.

Best of prince of leaves
"Since I'm not wearing a cup, I must be happy to see you."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Things you did not know about baseball #4128- While not often talked about, an average of 4 batboys become lost in the bleachers each season. Most are eventually reunited with their teammates.

Best of  Rodney Dill

Oh, put me in, coach - I’m ready to play today;
Put me in, coach - I’m ready to play today;
Look at me, I can be ...Holy F--- put that back in your pants...


Best of arf
With enough practice, we can get you ready for the Penn State baseball team.

Friday, June 08, 2012

Here Comes The Sun


1. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Hah! 
2. "Now this is how you transit the sun. F--- you, Venus!"
3.Star Trek (Plymouth) Voyager.
4. "And then, Bill Maher was catapulted into the sun and everyone lived happily ever after. The End."
5. "OK, you win, it *is* possible to drive to the sun. Here's your twenty bucks."


Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Solyndra ex-CEO defended his company and denied exaggerating their solar powered vehicle's efficiency. "It's extremely efficient when operated in very very direct sunlight. However, it does tend to overheat a bit."

Best ofdadoctah
Big whoop. The valet parking guys do this every time I hand 'em the keys.

Best of JohnS1959
This represents the other three of 25 aerospace jobs the President claimed to have created last month...

Best of Kaptain Krude
"This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs. Any questions... Yes, Darrin? Why is the egg in the frying pan getting bigger? Okay, Darrin, time for you to lie down for a bit."

Best of jimmy
The New Jersey Tanning Mom takes her daughter to summer camp.

Best of Dactyl
Left turn. Albuquerque. Shoulda. You know.

Best of Spin
... and the tiny sperm loses his tail as he attaches itself to the egg.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Mr Sullivan, we've discovered a small polyp on your colon... What concerns us more is the Dodge Caravan."

Best of Steve O
When it absolutely, positively, has to... hang on a second.
How do get something to the sun "overnight?"



Objects in Mirror...






Best of prince of leaves
Hmm...a grandiose albatross that never lived up to its hype. I'm guessing this Orbiter is the Obama.

Best of dadoctah
Fins on cars. They're back!

Best of JohnS1959
This represents 22 of the 25 aerospace jobs the President claimed to have created last month...

Best of Spin
Michelle's Miata

Best of Spineless Vertebrae
Let me guess, the end of this car chase scene involves a crash and lots of explosions. Typical Michael Bay.

Best of Rodney Dill
"I don't care if you are going the speed limit, let 'im pass Etta."

Wednesday, June 06, 2012

It's Almost Thursday, Here's Some Jugs


Obama Holding His Purse

Divine Miss M

Body language you don't need Tanya Reiman to figure out.

(Sorry for the sparse captioning; with as much as I got going on, you'll be lucky to see tittehs tomorrow.)




Best of curly
This scene from the ceremony at The Tomb of the Unknown Teleprompter was broght to you by the stammer "er".


Best of GregMan
"Oh man, do my testicles hurt after the WI recall vote last night."


Best of GregMan
CapThis Standard Caption #3,825.4:

"Damn, I hate the Amerikkkan flag... oh wait, there's one right behind me, isn't there?"


Best of dadoctah
"Gotcha! I didn't say Simon says!"


Best of Jack Reacher
Someone's clinging bitterly to his "gun."


Best of Rodney Dill
Charlie Brown actually became a pretty good General... for a blockhead.


Best of Steve O
Everyone shows the amount of respect they have for the troops in their own way.


Best of Steve O
Obama is appreciative of all this respect. He figures that since he's the Commander in Chief, this is all mostly for him.

This would be a better country with Twice as many open carriers and half as many cops


1. For some reason, Merlene never had trouble returning items without a receipt.
2. How to spot someone who won't be voting for the SCOAMF come November.
3. Who is more likely to get a sympathetic story in the New York Times? The armed, Christian, red state Wal Mart shopper above? Or, an Islamic terrorist who blows up a school full of Jewish children?
4. Michael Bloomberg's worst nightmare; yogurt and green onion potato chips. Also, he hates guns.
5. The Republican idea of a "strap on."



Best of metalgarth
Next person who tries to put me on "People of Walmart.com" will be the last.


Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Tsk Tsk Tsk. That SOB didn't restock my favorite high fiber bread again. Time to make an example of mister store manager.


Best of Whacko
Wanna bet Merlene can take 16 items through the 15 item limit check out lane?


Best of  Spineless Vertebra
"Why, they don't seem to have any donuts I like with the holes in the center. Oh I have the solution to that."


Threadwinner Rodney Dill
Revolver... I don't even know her.

Tuesday, June 05, 2012

Teh Ghey, He Has Dem



1. So, you can't pose for a senior picture in an ROTC uniform or with a bow staff, but *this* is fine and dandy?

2. And Another bridesmaid arrives for Barney Frank's wedding.

3. Much to Ricky's disappointment, not everyone who walked through an OWS encampment got gang raped.

4. "I'll take 'Future Prison Bitches' for $400, Alex."

5. It will surprise no one to learn a similar cutout exists over the buttocks area.


Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Thawtbubble: "I'll bet Ross never felt this sticky in his leather pants."

Best of blue
author of "I Suck at Girls"

Best of sonicfrog
To keep in step with the latest headlines - He's so cute... I could just eat him up!

Best of prince of leaves
Easy-cleaning polyvinylchloride -- what all the fastidious international gay cannibal terrorists are wearing this season.

Best of prince of leaves
His arena outfit may not have been as practical as the other Tributes', but Sector 3's Westy was fabulous while he lasted.

Best of Whacko
Blah, blah, Army of Mom, same outfit, blah, blah, blah.

Twinkle Twnikle...


1. Fresh out of the closet, the Green Lantern introduces his new sidekicks.

2. Ace and Gary, the high school years.

3. "So, Bruce, did it hurt to have diamond studs implanted directly into your nipples?"

4. "Gee, Nicky. Who would have thought two guys with 1.8 GPA's could go to Penn State on full scholarships."

5. "Bruce, your half-assed attempts at bicep swastikas are a disgrace to the Fuhrer's memory." 


Best of Rodney Dill
New superheros Turbo Double Flush Boy and Five Blade Razor Guy enjoying an outing in Livonia*.
(Gratuitous Livonia reference)

Best of  Carpe Phlogiston
Future Microsoft menu icon developers are just itching to make applications harder and harder to use.

Best of GregMan
It bugs me when no matter where you stand his nipples keep following you.

Best of Submariner
The Fightin' Dust Bunnies weren't the best team on the field, but their fans were passionate...




usually with each other.

Best of kg
Not sure what super powers the Green Tornado or the Green F have.

Best of metalgarth
Weather forcasts are done a little differently in San Francisco.


 

Monday, June 04, 2012

Tucker Carlson Goes Full Monor

Screenshot from The Daily Caller




Best of GregMan
I had no idea Mr. Ed was an Obama supporter.

Best of Shayne
When asked if she really supported Obama, she said "nay-y-y-y-y-y-y-y."

Best of jimmy
Parker's self-serving ulterior motives were discovered later that evening, when treasurers discovered the contributions totaled $145,500 and forty-eight tons of carrots.

Mittens on Monday

1. "All right, you got me. I've never organized a community in my life. Guess I'm not qualified to be be president."
2. "Ignore the stinger! I do not SUCK at girls."
3. Standard Cap #93: "Serenity Now!"
4. Addressing dairy farmers in rural Wisconsin, Romney proceeds to demonstrate artificial insemination techniques on an imaginary cow.
5. "... and the pile of money in my third house is roughly this high."


Threadwinner! Threadwinner! Threadwinner! JohnS1959
Following the example of his predecessor, John McCain, Mitt Romney signals a turn to the left as soon as his nomination is assured...

Best of metalgarth
You must be at least this tall to ride my deficit roller coaster

Best of Spineless Vertebra
Hitler salute fail

Best of  prince of leaves
"Arise! Be healed!" Romney the Mormon channels Adventists for his economic policy.

Best of prince of leaves
Mitt fires up the Mormon Tabernacle Choir in a rousing cover of "YMCA".

Best of  Kaptain Krude
"I have HAD it up to here with these muthaf***in' Ron Paulites asking me if I've heard the muthaf***in' good news about Ron Paul!"

Best of Rodney Dill
Dog jumps this high everytime I bring out that car carrier.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
The shocked audience sat slack-jawed as Mittens broke out into his rendition of Walk Like An Egyptian.

God Save the Queen


1. "Damn! Missed Fergie's hips again. Can't bloody well see how."
2. And thus was the 'Camilla Problem' solved once and for all.
3.Alfred E. Neuman was impressed with the Queen's marksmanship.
4. "Bloody peasants!"
5. ORA: "Now who's dead, Morrissey?"


Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
This image flashed through Her Majesty's mind as she accepted the iPod.

Best of GregMan
Frustrated after years of governmental waffling, Her Maj takes the obviious approach to dealing with Britain's muslim immigrant problem.

Best of Julie the Jarhead
Send back the Winston Churchill bust, will you, you SCOAMF!

Best of dadoctah
Three-eighths German ancestry finally makes itself evident.

Best of  Steve O
She looks as cool and as tough as Dukakis looked silly and effeminate. Fancy that.

Best of JohnS1959
"I told Lady Simms-Broyles what would happen if she wore one more stupid hat to a state function", cried Her Majesty...

Best of Dr. Doom
No Your Highness, you aren't the first old queen to fire that weapon", answered Colonel Syngen-Smythe, "We have several in the regiment."

Best of jimmy
Soldier thought-bubble: "I heard she was tough, but I never would have guessed this was what she had in that handbag all these years."

Best of prince of leaves
Wow, the pigeon problem in Trafalgar Square must be totally out of control these days.

Best of  Rodney Dill
The Queen just never could forgive Jake Blues.

Best of Submariner
Next time I expect to be posted on Thursday, "V the K." Have I made myself perfectly clear?

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Stand still, Philip! I warned you what would happen if you uttered one bloody more double entendre about me sitting on the throne too long!

Friday, June 01, 2012

Mittens at the Scene of a Disaster


1. I see that Romney 2012 is now using Photoshop's "Last Known Polaroid Picture of a 1972 Kidnap Victim" setting to process their campaign images.

2. "Are we done here? OK, strap the dog to the roof of the campaign bus and let's move on."

3. The Romney Photo-Op backfired when the Obama Administration listed every press photographer at the event as a job created or saved by the Stimulus.

4. "This factory is only slightly smaller than my house."

5. "And under my administration, this factory will be retooled and used to create my army of nuclear-powered killer cyborgs... I mean cookies... yes, cookies, for orphans."


Best of GregMan
"If elected, I promise every American will have a streetlight surgically implanted in his shoulder."

Best of GregMan
"This administration has squandered billions on pie-in-the-sky green initiatives that don't have a hope of succeeding... oh, damn, there's one right behind me, isn't there?"

Best of JohnS1959
"My fellow Americans, this closed business is yet another example of failed government policies. If I were in charge, I could have raided most of this company's wealth BEFORE it went bankrupt.", intoned Mr. Romney, "Now I ask you which is better - a country where everyone loses or a country where I win?"

Best of Submariner
"... and I'd just like to go on record as saying thar I miss SOTG's posts."

Dad?

Schneider

1. "Yeah, yeah, I have take these supplies back to the Y-M-C-A. Ha! Ha! Ha, you Wal-Mart wage slaces are hilarious!"

2. "Will there be anything else, Ms Napolitano?"

3. Once again, Joe Biden desperately tries and fails to connect with the working class.

4. Key West Walmert Employees have learned to be pretty blase about whoever shows up.

5. "Wow! You can buy 20 oz sodas here. You hicks are so backward compared to us New York sophisticates."



Best of  Carpe Phlogiston
So, honey, are your buttocks real or did you get implants made out of quick-setting cement, super glue, mineral oil and Fix-A-Flat?


Best of Spineless Vertebrae
"Let me tell you about the FABULOUS house we're building!"


Best of Kaptain Krude
"Yes, I AM a macho, macho man. I wish you would stop singing that."

Best of  Submariner
You don't think the guys down at the dock will give me a hard time about my hard hat not matching my shirt, do you?


Best of  Dr. Doom
Bruce: "I'm buying protection in case I pick up a lady tonight. Do you think this will be enough?"
Shaniqua: "Yes - most definitely."


Best of joshua
So, it's my first day on the job and the boss sends me over here to buy some steel toe boots. I'm sure it's for safety reasons but it bothered me that I show up in sandals and everyone is looking at me like I committed a major fashion faux pas or something.

Nanananananana Nananananananana


Sooner or later, one of the poolboys would accept the invitation to meet in the Batcave in three minutes.


Best of Jack Reacher
ORA: Watch them all jump when I yell "Seth McFarlane is on the phone!"

Threadwinner: dadoctah
"Meanwhile, back at the Hall of Tanning...!"

Best of  Spin
Clooney Batman suffered severe nipple sunburn

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Hey, have you heard about that Romney fellow? That Bain is really breaking his back!"

Best of  Mr Hankey
Batman swears to never donate to Goodwill ever again

Best of JohnS1959
"Holy SPF Batman", cried Robin, "I haven't seen so many pale white guys together since the last Romney campaign stop!"