1. "Hey, at least that successful Mormon businessman didn't win."
2. "Didn't your lady parts warn you this would happen?"
3. "Look at the Bright Side, Gay marriage passed in four states."
4. "Hey, Big Bird still has a job. Isn't that the important thing?"
5. "I am sure Obama cares deeply about your situation. Maybe he'll send you a postcard from Hawaii."
6. "Well, look at the bright side, Rush Limbaugh is getting a massive tax increase."
7. "Hey! Now you'll have more time to play with your unicorn."
8. "Isn't it worth losing your job to know that religious organizations now have to pay for abortions and contraceptives?"
9. "Well, now you and Keith Olbermann have something else in common."