1. "Is "Binders full of women" anything like "Folders full of white-on-black gay fisting porn" wondered the SCOAMF.
2. "Much like aircraft carriers make navies obsolete... this iPad with its capcity to hold and download thousands of books would make libraries completely... sheeyit, I better propose a $300 Billion library bailout."
3. The SCOAMF spent hours staring at his iPad, trying to intimidate it. The iPad's likeability ratings sky-rocketed.
4. "Let's check with Apple maps and see if there's a route to victory that by-passes Ohio."
5. "His chocolate arms entwined the loud white MSNBC host, their heated breaths mingled and became one... Dammit, Chris Matthews, stop sending me your fanfic!"
Best of blue
"If I order one of these Skeleboners on Amazon maybe I can get Reggie back......"
Best of prince of leaves
Aide: "Mr. President, you do know that your specially-encrypted iPad is supposed to be used for CIA briefings and not watching the live webcam feed from Man's Country, right?"
Best of GregMan
"Note to self: get 'black on white gay p0rn' removed from the White House firewall's blocking list."
Best of Dr. Doom
"I've got it "I'll have the State Department buy a few dozen of these and have my speeches loaded onto them", thought the President, "They will make lovely parting gifts for foreign heads of state."
Best of Carpe Phlogiston
The cropped picture of the statue of liberty confirms Trump's suspicions that Obamalama's kink is female armpits.
Best of Dr. Doom
"Let's see...D4... dang it", groused the President, "Mitt Romney sank my battleship!"
Best of Rodney Dill
"Hmmmm... I wonder what happens to Clifford the Big Red Dog next?"