Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Clean Up, Aisle 12


1. The liberal press jumped on Ryan for claiming he had saved seventy-five cents at CostCo, when a receipt check showed he had only saved 45 cents. Meanwhile, Obama still denied his administration had ever claimed the Benghazi attack was about a YouTube video.

2. The ice cream and sugared cereals sections were cleaned out because Candy Crowley got there first.

3. "Look at the size of Ryan's gigantic pantry! He must be some kind of crazy prepper!" screamed a pack of elite liberal journalists who had never seen the inside of a Sam's Club.

4. They were all out of airplane glue. Biden got there first.

5. Unfortunately, Ryan was unable to find the four dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts Crowley had demanded in exchange for not blatantly favoring Obama in the debate. The rest, as they say, is history.




Best of Jack Reacher
"There it is! The last shred of American media credibility...Oh, no, my mistake. It's just a box of Trix."


Best of Jack Reacher
Ryan was heard to say "Hey, this looks like that crate at the end of 'Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark,'" and then nobody ever saw him again.


Best of Jack Reacher
In the first warehouse club run by CNN, Republicans aren't allowed to use carts or pay with bills larger than singles, while Democrats get to use motorized scooters and EBT cards.


Best of prince of leaves
"I don't know what all these elderly people are whining about - just look here, cat food's both plentiful and cheap!"


Best of Submariner
Although Phillip had stocked his basement with enough freeze-dried supplies to last through the nuclear winter, he unfortunately chose to leave his water source in the high rad zone outside the Geiger-counter controlled, automatic, vapor-lock bank-vault door...

Best of Dr. Doom
"Lets see, Trojan, check, Lifestyles - check, Rough Riders - check, the pill - check, the morning after pill - check..." mutters Mr. Ryan as he inventories the 47 Percenter aisle at Costco...

13 comments:

Rodney Dill said...

The items were already sorted but Ryan ramrodded his way in an got a picture sorting them again.

dadoctah said...

"Wow, Mitt's basement really is a reflection of his faith. And I'll bet he can recite his entire family tree all the way back to the first lungfish to crawl up onto dry land."

Jack Reacher said...

"There it is! The last shred of American media credibility...Oh, no, my mistake. It's just a box of Twix."

Jack Reacher said...

Ryan was heard to say "Hey, this looks like that crate at the end of 'Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark,'" and then nobody ever saw him again.

Jack Reacher said...

In the first warehouse club run by CNN, Republicans aren't allowed to use carts or pay with bills larger than singles, while Democrats get to use motorized scooters and EBT cards.

prince of leaves said...

"I don't know what all these elderly people are whining about - just look here, cat food's both plentiful and cheap!"

prince of leaves said...

"So was it your innovation to have Staples carry snack items?" But Mitt didn't answer, as he was three aisles over picking out binders.

pr0 said...

[humming idly in time with store music] "Let's get fiscal, fi-is-cal, I wanna get...heyyyy...waitaminute..."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Made in China from refined dog hair and lead.
Product of Brazil. May contain pesticides and live tarantulas.
Grown & Packaged in Botswana under unhygenic conditions by dime-a-day slave labor
Memo to Self- Get rid of all regulations that keep our own hazardous products off these store shelves!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Crap, the cameras are rolling. What the hell does BOGO mean? Unit pricing. Unit pricing. How many times does 13.35 ounces go into 98-cents?? Where's my damned calculator? Where's my wallet?

-OR-

Wow, better stock up on Twinkies now. With hyperinflation coming, these babies will be worth their weight in gold, and they don't spoil!

Submariner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Submariner said...

Although Phillip had stocked his basement with enough freeze-dried supplies to last through the nuclear winter, he unfortunately chose to leave his water source in the high rad zone outside the Geiger-counter controlled, automatic, vapor-lock bank-vault door...



v word - oldfule - covers most of the AARP endorsement of The One, doesn't it?

Dr. Doom said...

"Lets see, Trojan, check, Lifestyles - check, Rough Riders - check, the pill - check, the morning after pill - check..." mutters Mr. Ryan as he inventories the 47 Percenter aisle at Costco...