Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Purty

The Smoking Gun via Shayne



1. One of Barney Franks "bridesmaids" got a little rowdy at the bachelor party.
2. Oh, Larry Craig, where have you been widening your stance this time?
3. Levi's new Bib'alls found a small but devoted following.
4. "Hello, Clarice... slurpslurpslurpslurpslurpslurp." Ang Lee has got to stop remaking movies.
5. "How dare Mitt Romney say I'm a freeloader just because I get five check from the Gubmint ever month. No way I vote for 'im. Course, I wasn't gonna vote for 'im anyways."


Best of metalgarth

Best of USMC2841
He's a lot prettier at closing time. I'm just sayin'.

Best of blue
"With heels, I'm 6'3"!!'


Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Thawtbubble: We need to spice up our sex life, Edgar. Just pretend, Edgar. You look cute, Edgar. Have another drink, Edgar. Nobody will see us cause we'll stay in the backyard, Edgar. But, I really want strawberry ice cream, Edgar. It's late, the Jiffymart will be empty, Edgar.
I'm gonna smack that broad senseless when I get home.

Best of Rodney Dill
...and his height is six foot fun.

Best of  Double the U
And then the mean officer took away my matching wig.

Best of Spineless Vertebrae
"I would've never shot her if the bitch had admitted I looked fabulous in my new dress."

Best of Submariner
Uncle Morty obviously didn't understand when nephew V da K suggested he come to the family Halloween party as a "Pussy Pop."

Best of Jack Reacher
Sure, say it's harmless, but fifty years from now, this will be what Toddlers & Tiaras has wrought.

Best of Jack Reacher
Look at the bright side, Doug. As a unionized teacher, even this won't get you fired.

Best of Cat Whisperer
An open records request finally produces the photograph that was attached to the resume of Obama’s Safe School Czar.

Best of Dr. Doom
Another of the voters that Romney will never convince to vote for him...

Best of GregMan
"I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for those meddling kids and the smell they made when their bodies started decomposing!"

Best of Steve O
The strap of his dress is turned over. Is he ever going to be embarrassed when he sees that!

Best of  Dactyl
It gets worse - there's a 240 pound drug dealer in the holding cell who's wearing the exact same outfit.



24 comments:

metalgarth said...

So what kind of trouble did Madonna get into this time?

USMC2841 said...

He's a lot prettier at closing time. I'm just sayin'.

blue said...

"With heels, I'm 6'3"!!'

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Thawtbubble: My #*(%!@ lawyer says it's gonna cost me over half a million bucks in legal fees and bribes to beat this stock market manipulation and money laundering charge... but 75% of the other "victims" in here will get off pro bono! Romney's right, it ain't fair!


-OR-

Thawtbubble: Thank goodness that PAC supporting Romney doesn't have to reveal names. Hope I'm not late for Mitt's $2500 a plate dinner tonight.

-OR-

Thawtbubble: We need to spice up our sex life, Edgar. Just pretend, Edgar. You look cute, Edgar. Have another drink, Edgar. Nobody will see us cause we'll stay in the backyard, Edgar. But, I really want strawberry ice cream, Edgar. It's late, the Jiffymart will be empty, Edgar.
I'm gonna smack that broad senseless when I get home.

Rodney Dill said...

...and his height is six foot fun.

Double the U said...

And then the mean officer took away my matching wig.

Submariner said...

It wasn't what he got caught doing that upset Fred; it was that cute cop that just kept laughing at his inuendoes.

Submariner said...

Thawt bubble: "Looks like I picked a bad week to START sniffing glue..."

Spineless Vertebrae said...

"I would've never shot her if the bitch had admitted I looked fabulous in my new dress."

Anonymous said...

I'll have to check, but I think "Ocala" means "enumclaw" in the Seminole Timucua language.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/miniature-donkey-sex-bust-576142

...........arf

Submariner said...

Uncle Morty obviously didn't understand when nephew V da K suggested he come to the family Halloween party as a "Pussy Pop."

Jack Reacher said...

Sure, say it's harmless, but fifty years from now, this will be what Toddlers & Tiaras has wrought.

Jack Reacher said...

Look at the bright side, Doug. As a unionized teacher, even this won't get you fired.

Jack Reacher said...

"Recess appointment? Why? Do you think he'd have trouble with Senate confirmation?"

Cat Whisperer said...

An open records request finally produces the photograph that was attached to the resume of Obama’s Safe School Czar.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Major pharmaceutical companies are fighting claims that hormones in the water supply cause serious physical and personality changes. Lobbyists have donated millions to the GOP to blame it all on the devil.

-OR-

1950's beauty queen Edna Swoldt was arrested for assaulting a subway rider who quipped, "Are you a guy in drag or is menopause to blame?"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Here again, Judge Shimpkins? What's it this time, strip search another juvenile defendant in your chambers or expose yourself to the entire courtroom? Don't worry, we'll have you back enforcing laws faster than you can accept a bribe. Nice dress, btw.

Dr. Doom said...

Another of the voters that Romney will never convince to vote for him...

GregMan said...

"Yeah, yeah, me ruv you rong time. Now get the f&*@ off my lawn!"

GregMan said...

"I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for those meddling kids and the smell they made when their bodies started decomposing!"

Submariner said...

When did Bea Arthur start chemo?

Submariner said...

If Ang Lee's remaking Kaptain Kangaroo, I'm guessing this is Mr. Greenjeans?

Steve O said...

The strap of his dress is turned over. Is he ever going to be embarrassed when he sees that!

Dactyl said...

It gets worse - there's a 240 pound drug dealer in the holding cell who's wearing the exact same outfit.