1. "I don't think the waiter was happy with his 4% tip."
2. "This never would have happened if we'd gone to Chick-Fil-A like I wanted to."
3. "But how can he be sure his contact lens isn't in there if he doesn't check?"
4. "Is it hard being a conjoined twin?"
5. "I know extended breast-feeding is a huge among New Age parents, but... SRSLY?"
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"TSA, ma'am. Just checking."
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"Boy they weren't kidding when they said this was a full service restaurant", said Betty.