Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Shark Week


1. Sued under the ADA, Dr. Evil was forced to make his shark tank handicapped accessible.

2.  Somehow, I know Global Warming will be blamed for this.

3. Still, less dangerous than a typical mall on Black Friday.

4. The lobby of the MSNBC building prepares for a visit from Mitt Romney.

5.  And then the ice melted at the San Jose hockey arena, and the mascots came out to play.



Best of Dr. Doom
After they let lawyers start advertising, it was only a matter of time until they started opening branch offices at the mall...

Best of jimmy
"Hey, look--the smug %itches from the Clinique Counter got relocated to the ground floor."

Best of  prince of leaves
Sometimes it takes a little more than a simple "no public restrooms" sign to keep the vagrants out of your lobby.

Best of prince of leaves
This Wells Fargo central branch wasn't taking any chances with the local Occutards.

Threadwinner joshua
Plans to close the mall due to safety concerns were overruled by the mayor who feared that reports of great white sharks would ruin the summer tourist season, the town's primary source of income.

Best of metalgarth
The first ever "Lawyer Appreciation Day" at the mall was also the last.

Best of JohnS1959
The Obamacare physical therapy pool for the elderly...

Best of Mr. Right
"You're gonna need a bigger boutique!"

Best of sonicfrog
Man, the Bond films sure are getting predictable!

Best of  Spin
John Edwards and Rielle Hunter try out their new pool.

Best of Submariner
Not even the super-duper, deluxe, every-other-year, time share deal?!? OK then; here's your gift card. Please take the ground floor exit for courtesy transportation back to your car...

Best of Kaptain Krude
"I'm sick of these mothaf***in' sharks in the mothaf***in' mall!" Some sequels just write themselves.

28 comments:

mpur said...

Sign at top of escalator:

JUSTIN BIEBER! ----->

dadoctah said...

Red Lobster cut a few corners when they implemented their take on a wine cellar.

Dr. Doom said...

After they let lawyers start advertising, it was only a matter of time until they started opening branch offices at the mall...

jimmy said...

"Hey, look--the smug %itches from the Clinique Counter got relocated to the ground floor."

Anonymous said...

The NEW government foundation
in which small business is to open under.

prince of leaves said...

The hypercompetitive partners at Pinworth, Grantham, Evans and Associates saw this and knew the only way to one-up their rivals was to stock the elevators with live piranhas.

prince of leaves said...

Sometimes it takes a little more than a simple "no public restrooms" sign to keep the vagrants out of your lobby.

prince of leaves said...

This Wells Fargo central branch wasn't taking any chances with the local Occutards.

joshua said...

Plans to close the mall due to safety concerns were overruled by the mayor who feared that reports of great white sharks would ruin the summer tourist season, the town's primary source of income.

metalgarth said...

The first ever "Lawyer Appreciation Day" at the mall was also the last.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Ambulance chasers stake out prime "slip and fall" feeding grounds.

-OR-

Oh no, Mrs. Harris, you don't have to sign up for our deluxe fitness gym package. You can leave anytime... but only via the mall's East exit.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

The Steve Irwin County Courthouse was designed by overzealous prosecutors with a private exit for defendants who get off on technicalities.

-OR-

Better Homes & Gardens' feature spread on "Man Caves." Next month, "Ghey Golf Courses with Custom Ball Washers"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Facing serious budget constraints, Metro takes a unique approach to overcrowded subways.

-OR-

Deceased Adulterous Conservative's Thawtbubble: Meh, Hell doesn't look nearly as bad as I'd expected.
Succubus: Oh, this is just Level 1, dearie. Six more escalators, then the high speed DOWN elevator.

Rodney Dill said...

Candygram.... Plumber....

JohnS1959 said...

The Obamacare physical therapy pool for the elderly...

Dactyl said...

Sadly, not one of the mallgoers tasted like peanut butter and snickers.

Mr. Right said...

"You're gonna need a bigger boutique!"

sonicfrog said...

Man, the Bond films sure are getting predictable!

sonicfrog said...

OK, it's an escalator in a mall, right? Well, that's one way to get rid of the scourge that is the Kardashians!

Steve O said...

The new lobby at Sidley & Austin.

Spin said...

John Edwards and Rielle Hunter try out their new pool.

Submariner said...

Not even the super-duper, deluxe, every-other-year, time share deal?!? OK then; here's your gift card. Please take the ground floor exit for courtesy transportation back to your car...

Submariner said...

Clean up on aisle thirt...
Cancel that.

Submariner said...

I knew the cautionary tales against flushing alligators into the New York sewers, but releasing Mako's at Nordstrum's?

Submariner said...

Honey? It maght just be the 60's revisiting me again, but I think I want to leave the mall another way, ok?

Kaptain Krude said...

"I'm sick of these mothaf***in' sharks in the mothaf***in' mall!" Some sequels just write themselves.

Submariner said...

Bill Murray's basement was about what you'd expect.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Metro Subway Authority News Conference: We have good news and bad news for commuters.
Good news - for once, 100% of our escalators are working perfectly!
Bad news - all underground sections of the subway system have flooded.