Monday, June 04, 2012

Mittens on Monday

1. "All right, you got me. I've never organized a community in my life. Guess I'm not qualified to be be president."
2. "Ignore the stinger! I do not SUCK at girls."
3. Standard Cap #93: "Serenity Now!"
4. Addressing dairy farmers in rural Wisconsin, Romney proceeds to demonstrate artificial insemination techniques on an imaginary cow.
5. "... and the pile of money in my third house is roughly this high."


Threadwinner! Threadwinner! Threadwinner! JohnS1959
Following the example of his predecessor, John McCain, Mitt Romney signals a turn to the left as soon as his nomination is assured...

Best of metalgarth
You must be at least this tall to ride my deficit roller coaster

Best of Spineless Vertebra
Hitler salute fail

Best of  prince of leaves
"Arise! Be healed!" Romney the Mormon channels Adventists for his economic policy.

Best of prince of leaves
Mitt fires up the Mormon Tabernacle Choir in a rousing cover of "YMCA".

Best of  Kaptain Krude
"I have HAD it up to here with these muthaf***in' Ron Paulites asking me if I've heard the muthaf***in' good news about Ron Paul!"

Best of Rodney Dill
Dog jumps this high everytime I bring out that car carrier.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
The shocked audience sat slack-jawed as Mittens broke out into his rendition of Walk Like An Egyptian.

17 comments:

metalgarth said...

You must be at least this tall to ride my deficit roller coaster

Spineless Vertebra said...

Hitler salute fail

Anonymous said...

I really need to lower expectations to about... right here. Remember who I lost too last time; Mr. McFlunk.

dadoctah said...

"You want to see my left wing? There! See how silly that looks?"

racerboy said...

Standard Cap #24 - Where will YOU be when your laxative kicks in?

Shayne said...

"I'm a little teapot..."

prince of leaves said...

"Arise! Be healed!" Romney the Mormon channels Adventists for his economic policy.

prince of leaves said...

Mitt fires up the Mormon Tabernacle Choir in a rousing cover of "YMCA".

Carpe Phlogiston said...

NO Soup For You!

-OR-

Perfect Job for Mitt: "With this handy dandy kitchen appliance, you can slice, dice, mince, chop, shred, grate and puree for only $29.95 plus s/h!"

-OR-

Don't worry, folks, these uncontrollable muscle spasms won't affect my ability to sign laws to oppress and persecute any group that doesn't march in lockstep with your religion.

-OR-

There are NO dumb questions! When I tell you to jump, I expect you ask, "how high?"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

I wanted a corn dog... but this'll do.

-OR-

Seriously. When I win, I'm keeping Obamalama on... gonna set him on the front lawn at the White House dressed as a jockey.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

You wonderfully naive gawd-fearing people are invited to a delicious feast funded by my Wall Street cronies right after this last bit of business... would the atheists and OWS supporters in the room please rise and walk thru that door and into the waiting trucks?

Kaptain Krude said...

"I have HAD it up to here with these muthaf***in' Ron Paulites asking me if I've heard the muthaf***in' good news about Ron Paul!"

Rodney Dill said...

Dog jumps this high everytime I bring out that car carrier.

sonicfrog said...

"...And, when you want to make a LEFT turn on your bike... This is what you do...."

JohnS1959 said...

Following the example of his predecessor, John McCain, Mitt Romney signals a turn to the left as soon as his nomination is assured...

Carpe Phlogiston said...

The shocked audience sat slack-jawed as Mittens broke out into his rendition of Walk Like An Egyptian.

-OR-

Disco is dead? The hell you say!

-OR-

Romney points to one of the recently disgraced ex-Secret Service agent sitting in the audience as an example of how the Obamalama administration intentionally adds to the unemployment rolls.

-OR-

There is no "war on women" you slut! We simply want to keep you all barefoot and pregnant. If it's good enough for the Taliban... erm, wait, must.not.ad.lib.

Jack Reacher said...

"...and the Obama years of overly short shirtsleeves end now!"