Friday, June 01, 2012

Mittens at the Scene of a Disaster


1. I see that Romney 2012 is now using Photoshop's "Last Known Polaroid Picture of a 1972 Kidnap Victim" setting to process their campaign images.

2. "Are we done here? OK, strap the dog to the roof of the campaign bus and let's move on."

3. The Romney Photo-Op backfired when the Obama Administration listed every press photographer at the event as a job created or saved by the Stimulus.

4. "This factory is only slightly smaller than my house."

5. "And under my administration, this factory will be retooled and used to create my army of nuclear-powered killer cyborgs... I mean cookies... yes, cookies, for orphans."


Best of GregMan
"If elected, I promise every American will have a streetlight surgically implanted in his shoulder."

Best of GregMan
"This administration has squandered billions on pie-in-the-sky green initiatives that don't have a hope of succeeding... oh, damn, there's one right behind me, isn't there?"

Best of JohnS1959
"My fellow Americans, this closed business is yet another example of failed government policies. If I were in charge, I could have raided most of this company's wealth BEFORE it went bankrupt.", intoned Mr. Romney, "Now I ask you which is better - a country where everyone loses or a country where I win?"

Best of Submariner
"... and I'd just like to go on record as saying thar I miss SOTG's posts."

12 comments:

Jack Reacher said...

The watchdog press remained ever-vigilant at Romney's appearance:
"When government takes taxpayer money.."
"Mormon!"
"...it has a responsibility to..."
"Bain Capital!"
"...assure the taxpayers that..."
"You're rich! Rich!"

dadoctah said...

"I'm so pleased to be speaking to you today here in the heart of the Untied States of Amercia."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

What galls me most about this travesty is that I didn't get a chance to turn things around... by firing the employees and selling off the building and assets piecemeal to make me, my banker and lawyer a tidy profit.

-OR-

Obamalama probably invested your money in Facebook, too. Now me, I could have made a fortune by naked shorting the hell out of that via my Bahamian shell company like all patriotic one-percenters do.

GregMan said...

"If elected, I promise every American will have a streetlight surgically implanted in his shoulder."

GregMan said...

"This administration has squandered billions on pie-in-the-sky green initiatives that don't have a hope of succeeding... oh, damn, there's one right behind me, isn't there?"

Kaptain Krude said...

"It's very simple. This is Solyndra. This is the company that our President decided to put your money into. This is where Solyndra is today, and where America will be if we give our President four more years. Any questions?"

The journalistic media, being the geniuses that they were, then asked Romney about his bank account.

(True story.)

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Presidential candidate facts you did not know: Mittens likes to show up at his soap box speeches hours before anyone else simply because he loves to hear the sound of his own voice.

-OR-

I am a conserva-tionist.
nope
I am a conservatoire
nooo
I am a conversationalist
aww heck
I am a conservatiiiiii
Sorry, I see it on the teleprompter, it's on the tip of my tongue but I just can't say it.

-OR-

People of Earth... the mothership is now loading those whose names begin with F thru J.

-OR-

Unlike Obamalama, I'd tear this building down, build a parking lot and hire 4, yes FOUR full time attendants who'd almost make a living wage! Who is better qualified to ruin America? erm, I mean RUN America.

blue said...

"..and remember, it was during Obama's administration that DC comics announced that the Green Lantern was gay...coincidence???? I think not!"

blue said...

"..and remember, it was during Obama's administration that Richard Dawson died...coincidence???? I think not!"

blue said...

"..and remember, it was during Obama's administration that Snookie was knocked up...coincidence???? I think not!"

JohnS1959 said...

"My fellow Americans, this closed business is yet another example of failed government policies. If I were in charge, I could have raided most of this company's wealth BEFORE it went bankrupt.", intoned Mr. Romney, "Now I ask you which is better - a country where everyone loses or a country where I win?"

Submariner said...

"... and I'd just like to go on record as saying thar I miss SOTG's posts."