Monday, May 07, 2012
'Scuse Me While I Whip This Out
1. "Ladies and gentleman, um, Mr. Conway Twitty."
2. "Ladies and gentlemen, um, I'd like to bring out, um, a very special guest, um, my composite girlfriend!"
3. "Whoa! Sorry, let me fan that one away. Too much eggplant and arugula will give you the most foul-smelling air biscuits you ever smelt!"
4."But tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward; upward, not forward; and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards socialism!”
5. The best part about four years of utter and complete failure: No need to come up with new campaign promises.
Best of Kaptain Krude
"Here boy, here boy! Now where is that stupid dog? ... Oh, right. Awk-ward!"
Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
In an alternate universe, Assistant Vice-Principal Barry Obama tries to joke with the kids who keep plastering him with spitballs during assembly.
Best of Cat Whisperer
Michelle come on up here ... oh, sh*t, I left her back on Air Force One again!
Best of dadoctah
"But tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward; upward, not forward; and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards socialism!”
Best of GregMan
"See, you hold a dog biscuit in your right hand, and the club in your left hand. Then when the dog gets close enough you let him have it, and bingo! Dinner!"
Best of Jack Reacher
"Hey, Pete, why are my lines on the Teleprompter marked SCOAMF? What does that mean?"
Best of JohnS1959
"And so you see, by driving all the manufacturing jobs to Mexico, we have solved the illegal immigration problem", explained the President.
Best of Dactyl
Ha, ha ha, oh you guys are such a bunch of jokers! OK now seriously, who put the dead hooker under the podium?