Monday, May 14, 2012

Garage Bland



1. "And so you'll understand why I am claiming this suburban house in the name of the people. Now, get your white asses outta here!"

2. "Abner, I'm flattered that the POTUS wanted to use our house for a campaign speech; but does he have to keep calling it a 'crackerbox.'"

3. The two retired union activists couldn't wait for the reporters to leave so they could take down that ghastly American flag and replace it with the hammer and sickle that usually flew there.

4. Another hint that Obama's ego was out of control; he told the old geezers that if they smeared the blood of a virgin over their door, he would tell the Death Panels to spare them.

5. "Abner, have you seen Rex around anywhere?"


Best of Dr. Doom
"I don't know", said Maude, "He mumbled something about bitter clingers and redistribution and then asked where he could plug in his teleprompter..."

Best of Dr. Doom
"And as you can plainly see, these people are still driving a gas guzzling SUV", related Mr. Obama, "Have Napolitano send them off to the re-education camps. Maybe a few years of building wind turbines will convince them of the wisdom of my economic policies..."

Best of jimmy
The handlers were smart to put up the black curtain, because the speech-ifying loses a lot of its luster when you can see Waylon Flowers operating the sticks and strings that makes Madame move and talk.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Obamalama blamed an inability to tie shoelaces for the failure of his folksy "Won't You Be My Neighbor?" slogan... not the white crowds chanting, "There goes the neighborhood. There goes the neighborhood."

Best of GregMan
"Shhh, Abner, don't startle him! Eventually he'll get bored and go away."

Threadwinner:  Mr Hankey
Todd & Julie started putting out the scary Halloween decorations early this year.

Best of prince of leaves
"Umm, yooo-hooo! Your audience is over here to your left, Mr. President! Yes, both of us."

Best of Steve O
And then we're gonna go to the LIVING room!
And then we're gonna go to the LAUNDRY room!
And then we're gonna go to the KITCHEN!
And then we're gonna go to the BATHROOM and AIEEERRRGGGHHGHAA!!!!!

17 comments:

best of said...

Good citizens, just eight years ago there was a wealthy arrogant gun grabbing, flip-flopping Massachusetts liberal running against a incumbent president. The American people were not stupid enough to vote for it then, I am hoping you wont vote for it this time either.

Spineless Vertebrae said...

"Just get in the car and drive forward. Please. Pretty please!" Spineless Vertebrae begged.

Dr. Doom said...

"I don't know", said Maude, "He mumbled something about bitter clingers and redistribution and then asked where he could plug in his teleprompter..."

Dr. Doom said...

"He said he could use the side door, but I thought it would be best to open the garage just in case", said Bob...

Dr. Doom said...

"And as you can plainly see, these people are still driving a gas guzzling SUV", related Mr. Obama, "Have Nepolitano send them off to the re-education camps. Maybe a few years of building wind turbines will convince them of the wisdom of my economic policies..."

jimmy said...

The handlers were smart to put up the black curtain, because the speech-ifying loses a lot of its luster when you can see Waylon Flowers operating the sticks and strings that makes Madame move and talk.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

What a downsized campaign would look like if PAC money hadn't totally warped and perverted the process.

-OR-

Obamalama blamed an inability to tie shoelaces for the failure of his folksy "Won't You Be My Neighbor?" slogan... not the white crowds chanting, "There goes the neighborhood. There goes the neighborhood."

-OR-

Both the DNC and the GOP chose Fred and Ethel's home for photo ops. Obamalama waxed poetic about a middle class destroyed by the 1%; Romney served Fred a pink slip and foreclosure papers while praising the strength of US banks that gamble with derivatives.

-OR-

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The only way to bring Democrats and Republicans together.

Son Of The Godfather said...

The Dem plan to ban bake sales so that Obama could corner the market was an abysmal failure.

GregMan said...

"Shhh, Abner, don't startle him! Eventually he'll get bored and go away."

metalgarth said...

Next up on HGTV: "Obama's House Hunters." More proof that he is the first gay president

GregMan said...

"And where, WHERE, I aks you, are da white women? Besides the frumpy old broad behind me."

Mr Hankey said...

Todd & Julie started putting out the scary Halloween decorations early this year.

Mr Hankey said...

...and aftter years of searching forChicago's Public Enemy #1,, I'm proud to announce dat I have personally found Steve Bartman and will deliver him personally to Guantanomo for immediate water-boarding.

prince of leaves said...

"Umm, yooo-hooo! Your audience is over here to your left, Mr. President! Yes, both of us."

Rodney Dill said...

The Federal laws on construction hazardous runoff barriers, finally reached the political process

Steve O said...

And then we're gonna go to the LIVING room!
And then we're gonna go to the LAUNDRY room!
And then we're gonna go to the KITCHEN!
And then we're gonna go to the BATHROOM and AIEEERRRGGGHHGHAA!!!!!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

The White House leaks pictures in a clumsy attempt to negate Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal's accusations that Obamalama has never operated a lemonade stand.