Wednesday, May 09, 2012

The Fakest Indian Since Commander Chakotay

Bad Eagle

1. "Wow, great cheekbones! Are you 1/32 Imaginary Indian too?"
2. "Of course it's okay for me to park my car there. I am 1/64th handicapped on my great, great, great, great, great grandmother's side."
3. "Despite being wealthy, I strongly identify with the 99% of Americans who lie about being minorities in order to get tenured professorships."
 4. "Not only am I part Indian, I served in Vietnam with Abe Blumenthal and was present at President Obama's birth... in Hawaii!"
 5. "Me love you long time, too, honey."



Best of GregMan
"Watch it, kid, or I'll do to you what my great-great-great-grandfather did to the Cherokees. Oh by the way, did I mention that I'm part Indian?"

Best of GregMan
"Did I mention that I also have heat vision and the power of flight?"

Best of jimmy
Professor Slinging Bull hits the streets of Shanghai to find out how much it would cost to have one of those smallpox-laden blankets shipped from China to Scott Brown's office.

Best of Jack Reacher
"My people? Um, unless you all have tenure and live in million dollar houses, nope. Not really."

Best of Spin
"I'm a 'teepee' Indian not a 'dot' Indian. Now hand over that broccoli and beef"

Best of metalgarth
I can take all of you on at once. I'm 1/256th black belt.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
No dear, I didn't claim to invent the Internet. I simply gave Al Gore the idea by telling him how easy it was for my ancestors to disrupt telegraph communications out west.

Best of Dr. Doom
"So do you need to know a secret handshake to get into the peyote stash?", asked Ms. Warren

Best of Jack Reacher
Lizzie was thrilled that the tribe gave her an honorary name, "Walking Eagle." The other translation is "Too full of sh*t to fly."

17 comments:

Rodney Dill said...

"My indian name is 'Dances With Czars,' but I can't pronounce it in my native tongue, it sounds like a cat hawking up a fur ball."

GregMan said...

"I'm a liberal, so anything I do is OK, even lie about my heritage to get a cushy university job. Didn't you know that, you ignorant little redskin?"

GregMan said...

"Watch it, kid, or I'll do to you what my great-great-great-grandfather did to the Cherokees. Oh by the way, did I mention that I'm part Indian?"

GregMan said...

"Did I mention that I also have heat vision and the power of flight?"

jimmy said...

Professor Slinging Bull hits the streets of Shanghai to find out how much it would cost to have one of those smallpox-laden blankets shipped from China to Scott Brown's office.

Jack Reacher said...

"My people? Um, unless you all have tenure and live in million dollar houses, nope. Not really."

Anonymous said...

You look about twelve, do you need birth control? The democrats can help you with that.

Spin said...

"I'm a 'teepee' Indian not a 'dot' Indian. Now hand over that broccoli and beef"

metalgarth said...

I can take all of you on at once. I'm 1/256th black belt.

Rodney Dill said...

"Kemosabe my ass."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

No dear, I didn't claim to invent the Internet. I simply gave Al Gore the idea by telling him how easy it was for my ancestors to disrupt telegraph communications out west.

-OR-

Well, I actually did meet a genuine indian once. I think he was from New Delhi.

-OR-

Havard's Motto - If you can't do, teach.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Correction
Harvard's Motto - If you can't do, teach.
Pundit's Corollary to Harvard's Motto - If you can't teach, become a politician.

Dr. Doom said...

"So do you need to know a secret handshake to get into the peyote stash?", asked Ms. Warren

Steve O said...

Meet the 1%.

tree YAD 061 said...

Indian name, "Fauxahontas"

(shamelessly ripped off from... somewhere)

Dr. Doom said...

Ms. Warren: "Me heap big medicine woman. Me called Festering Leach. Me want casino check."

Little Feather: "Looks like Elizabeth is off the reservation again..."

Jack Reacher said...

Lizzie was thrilled that the tribe gave her an honorary name, "Walking Eagle." The other translation is "Too full of sh*t to fly."