Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Typical Blind Date


1. "OK, OK, Stay cool... I'll pay for your contraceptives."

2. "Tell me about my tiny breasts and belly flab... one more time..."

3. "No.. .YOU iron MY shirt!"

4. "I said... What does Marcellus Wallace Look Like?"

5. Every Mormon Missionary I know has a door-knocking story like this.

26 comments:

dub said...

So......is that a "no" to anal?

Spin said...

Damn lefties, always wanting concessions. "Go ahead take that side of the bed"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

With some women, the onset of PMS is really easy to spot.

-OR-

What?? We were on a break!
ORA Friends

-OR-

I can't tell you the number of times Sweetie's done that with her eyes.

-OR-

WTF? Oh, right, the garbage. I'm on it, babe!

-OR-

Lingerie. Gun. Typical woman... mixed messages.

metalgarth said...

Alternate Universe #36A

Last thing Trayvon Martin saw after trying to stiff his "White Hispanic Escort"

blue said...

Put the toilet seat down, right now or I'll shoot off your....

metalgarth said...

I don't care if Spike Lee did tweet my address. *BANG* *BANG* *BANG*

jj said...

Well, match.com screwed me again!

jj said...

I've got your chalk-faced whore right here byotch....

ILIKECHEESE said...

Oh, so you're gonna go Makarov on me? I thought your, "CoD: IRL" phase was over? Obviously not, now go shoot the Russian mailman so you can make me some breakfast.

dadoctah said...

Okay, okay, take it easy! Go right ahead and *tell* me about Ron Paul!

Submariner said...

OK, OK,
Sometimes "No" means "No."
Got it.

Submariner said...

You're right. It WAS my turn to provide the protection...

Submariner said...

But I thought it was the "right to arm bares." Isn't she wearing too much?

Submariner said...

Call me kooky, but I think she'd be more convincing if she were wearing fur and using a two-handed isosceles stance.

Submariner said...

Say; I have a novel idea - why don't YOU control the remote tonight, dear?

Submariner said...

"You're right, Princess; those AREN'T the 'droids I'm looking for!"

"See, Obi Wan? Jedi mind tricks are not required..."

Dactyl said...

See? Sometimes it *is* okay if the hot scantily-clad babe isn't the first thing you notice.

Spineless Vertebrae said...

"Now, tell me again that my underwear makes me look fat, dub."

prince of leaves said...

Typical Flickr user: "Nice bokeh."

prince of leaves said...

"Dear Guns & Ammo: I never thought this would happen to me..."

prince of leaves said...

Mmm. Foreplay.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Yep, I've got the little woman trained pretty well. I say jump, she asks how... she's right behind me, isn't she?

Jack Reacher said...

"Hey, take it easy. I just said I'd like to plumb the severability of your mandate."

Jack Reacher said...

"Okay, so no sale on the term papers. Got it."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

In Flagrante Delicto
Chuck Lorre's first draft of Charlie Sheen's demise had his head explode "like a balloon full of meat" when Rose caught him with 3 beach bunnies. Lorre changed that to a subway accident: "No balloon ever made is as big as Sheen's head and I want realism."

BananaRepublican said...

Ok, go ahead and tell me about Ron Paul....