Monday, March 26, 2012

Shake it, Newt


1. "It's not only a great metaphor for campaign promises, it also works for first and second marriages."

2. "Now, suppose I convinced you this was an iPad and sold it to you for $600... that's pretty much how the Obama Stimulus worked."

3. "Yeah, I was surprised, too, when I found out Tiffany's sold Etch-A-Sketches."

4. "Mommy said there were no monsters, that they aren't real, but they are..." Oh, sorry, wrong Newt.

5. "See, you can make tits on an Etch-a-Sketch... you just need a very steady hand."



Best of Steve O
Newt finds the prefect medium with which to communicate his ideological philosophy.

Best of Mr. Right
Just at that moment, Ripley screamed, "Get away from him, you ETCH!!!" [Whoops! Sorry, still wrong Newt.]

Best of Spineless Vertebrae
"Well, Outkast told me to shake it like a polaroid picture."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
This is what I use for my vows of fidelity. Find someone better, I just turn it over, shake, instant divorce!

Best of Double the U
...and here is my rocket computer for my moon bases.

Best of Rodney Dill
It has two knobs and the President's teleprompter has two knobs -- Barry and Joe.

Best of prince of leaves
And then his voice shifted to an unearthly baritone. "Just sign here, Jimmy, and all the world shall be yours..."

Best of Submariner
I had the perfect Romney attack ad but the damn Hispanic cabbie took a bumpy road over here, and, well... see?

Best of Jack Reacher
"I don't think these are even made any more. My campaign manager had to pry it off the wall of an Applebee's in Milwaukee."

Best of dadoctah
"Romper, stomper, bomper, boo, tell me, tell me, tell me do...."

16 comments:

Steve O said...

Newt finds the prefect medium with which to communicate his ideological philosophy.

Mr. Right said...

Just at that moment, Ripley screamed, "Get away from him, you ETCH!!!" [Whoops! Sorry, still wrong Newt.]

Spineless Vertebrae said...

"Well, Outkast told me to shake it like a polaroid picture."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

My healthcare plan covers everything and it's free!
Got a fatal disease, chronic pain, too many freckles? Draw a rough sketch on our "Heal Me Lord" Magic Doctor, turn it over, shake 3 times and you're cured! However, use it for unwanted pregnancies and we'll hunt thee down and smite thee.

-OR-

This is what I use for my vows of fidelity. Find someone better, I just turn it over, shake, instant divorce!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

OK, yes, I spent all our campaign funds on these overstock Kindles, but - now hear me out - it was a sound investment. The salesman said his last customer bought a bag of magic beans and flipped them for a king's ransom. He promised that if we put these babies on eBay with a 300% markup, our coffers will be overflowing! What? What?

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Obama lied to me. This teleprompter doesn't work! I looked like a fool standing in front of those people with nothing to say!

-OR-

My choice for Finance Minister assures me this will make the budget deficit disappear. Of course he's a "minister" - our cabinet will be so holy, we'll walk on water.

-OR-

My jobs bill will put Americans back to work, balance our trade deficit AND win the hearts and minds of 3rd worlders. Without further adieu, I give you the first Made in the USA $10 PC!

Double the U said...

...and here is my rocket computer for my moon bases.

Rodney Dill said...

How do I re-boot my new iPad?

Rodney Dill said...

It has two knobs and the President's teleprompter has two knobs -- Barry and Joe.

Dr. Doom said...

Newt unveils his economic plan. Every congressman will be provided an Etch-A-Sketch to write all future spending bills.

prince of leaves said...

And then his voice shifted to an unearthly baritone. "Just sign here, Jimmy, and all the world shall be yours..."

Curmudgeon said...

And the best thing is, you only have to shake it to reboot it.

Submariner said...

I had the perfect Romney attack ad but the damn Hispanic cabbie took a bumpy road over here, and, well... see?

Submariner said...

"... and for you good people of Louisiana, I had Mr. Goodell write out the Saintns' sanction on this iPad 5..."

Jack Reacher said...

"I don't think these are even made any more. My campaign manager had to pry it off the wall of an Applebee's in Milwaukee."

dadoctah said...

"Romper, stomper, bomper, boo, tell me, tell me, tell me do...."

Newt relives his favorite childhood moments.