Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Stallone! Schwarzeneggar! As you've never seen them before!

John Lott and Brender


1. ".... good thing we snuck out of Whitney's room before the paramedics arrived."

2. "How did I get here?" said Ahnuld. "I said something nice about Rick Santorum on Facebook and a bunch of homozexuals kicked the crap out of me."

3. "Somewhere in Hollywood, an innocent girl from the Midwest is being 'harvested' so that her organs might give us life. Gawd, it's great being a celebrity."

4. "I was checked in for heroin addiction, meth addiction, cocaine addiction and nearly overdosing on Xanax... Or as my press release put it, 'Exhaustion.'"

5. "First one to get a nurse pregnant wins!"

Best of prince of leaves
The aging stars discovered to their delight that they could get a two-for-one discount on the rental crane required for their facelifts if they went in on the same day.

Best of prince of leaves
Regulations against steroids in foods meant that they couldn't be processed into soylent green after the death panel finished its work.

Best of Rodney Dill
They got along wonderfully, as even though they were both speaking English, neither could understand a word the other was saying.

Best of GregMan
"Vat, you're here for emergency zpeech t'erapy too, Zly?"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
My gawd, Arnold, your face looks like it froze halfway through that Total Recall procedure.

Best of Double the U
"I got up to pee twice last night!"

Best of mpur
Damn! I woke up in a bathtub full of ice, too!

Best of dadoctah
Dr Venture noticed that the new batch of Hank and Dean clones show clear signs of mitochondrial fatigue.

Best of Submariner
Zo I told zem; "Get to de choppah!" but was too late. Mizzuhs Obalama vas already dere, waiting, grinning...

22 comments:

blue said...

One punch Stallone! That's all I need to take you down.....

Censors Hip said...

Those 2 girls in the mirror sure did a number on us!

Steve O said...

Ahhhnold tells Stallone a joke:

"An illegal alien, a Muslim, and a communist walk into a bar, and the bartender says...


... What'll it me Mr. President?"

Ahnuld said...

It's not a tuma!

sonicfrog said...

Did they really need to make a "Twins" sequel???

blue said...

"Schlemiel! Schlimazel! Hasenpfeffer Incorporated,"

prince of leaves said...

The aging stars discovered to their delight that they could get a two-for-one discount on the rental crane required for their facelifts if they went in on the same day.

prince of leaves said...

I thought the saying "his career is on life support" was only a metaphor...?

prince of leaves said...

Regulations against steroids in foods meant that they couldn't be processed into soylent green after the death panel finished its work.

Rodney Dill said...

They got along wonderfully, as even though they were both speaking English, neither could understand a word the other was saying.

Rodney Dill said...

Both at same time: "I crap bigger'n you."

GregMan said...

"Your kidneys, give zem to me, now!"

GregMan said...

"Vat, you're here for emergency zpeech t'erapy too, Zly?"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Arnold and Sly star in a remake of "It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World."

-OR-

Hey, buddy, Maria's attorney dropped by while you were still unconscious.
Ah, zo that'z why my ahzenholen feelz like a giant gerbil uzed it az a hamzter tube!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

My gawd, Arnold, your face looks like it froze halfway through that Total Recall procedure.

-OR-

The defense explained to jurors that Sly quickly tired of Arnold saying "Ahl be bahck" ever freaking time he went to the bathroom, so he smothered Arnold in his sleep.

Double the U said...

"I got up to pee twice last night!"

mpur said...

Damn! I woke up in a bathtub full of ice, too!

dadoctah said...

Dr Venture noticed that the new batch of Hank and Dean clones show clear signs of mitochondrial fatigue.

Dr. Doom said...

Meanwhile in California, John Wayne is spinning in his grave...

Submariner said...

Zo I told zem; "Get to de choppah!" but was too late. Mizzuhs Obalama vas already dere, waiting, grinning...

Submariner said...

ORA

So they told me "We're going to Candy Mountain, Sly! Wanna come to Candy Mountain?"

Submariner said...

No, Ahnuld; it's YOUR turn to call Nurse Ratched for our sponge baths...