Monday, February 06, 2012

Rand Paul Presses the Meat

Doug Strait

1. "All Right, Alien Fembots. I surrender. You may begin your probing."

2. Rand Paul has a terrifying flashback to his TSA detention. 

3. Rather than take questions, Senator Paul launched into a soulful rendition of "Lady" by Styx.

4. "Geez, look at the size of those long black things. I feel like Andrew Sullivan in a Harlem Bathhouse."

5. "You would not believe how often the line 'My dad's a congressman and he wants to legalize pot' got me laid in college."

Best of blue
OK, OK, I'll demonstrate what "watertight" means!


Best of Rodney Dill
TSA agents employ the use of cattle prods on recalcitrant Rand Paul.

Best of Jack Reacher
"I just asked for clarification--is it the White Zone or Red Zone which does not allow parking?"

Best of Jack Reacher
"You'd yell at kids to get off your lawn, too, if you had 1400 Kruggerands buried under it."

Best of metalgarth
PULL OUR AUTOMATED FINGER DEVICES

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Please be patient, he'll be out as soon as he's done regluing an eyebrow.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Good God, put those things away! Don't you know that Gavin Newsome is around here someplace?"

14 comments:

blue said...

OK, OK, I'll demonstrate what "watertight" means!

curly said...

Don't tase me, biatch!

Rodney Dill said...

TSA agents employ the use of cattle prods on recalcitrant Rand Paul.

Jack Reacher said...

"I just asked for clarification--is it the White Zone or Red Zone which does not allow parking?"

Jack Reacher said...

ORA: Yeah, ladies go crazy for an Aqua Buddha man.

Jack Reacher said...

"You'd yell at kids to get off your lawn, too, if you had 1400 Kruggerands buried under it."

WV: bakedly. That gives me the munchies.

metalgarth said...

PULL OUR AUTOMATED FINGER DEVICES

metalgarth said...

meh. The original format for American Idol auditions was much better.

Rodney Dill said...

"Bend over."

Anonymous said...

"Girls, I'll answwer your questions as soon as you put your vibrators away."

Vinneh

Carpe Phlogiston said...

I don't really have anything to say, I just like to fantasize about you girls holding my thing like that.

-OR-

Please be patient, he'll be out as soon as he's done regluing an eyebrow.

Dr. Doom said...

"Ron Paul?", asked Rand, "Never heard of him..."

Kaptain Krude said...

"Good God, put those things away! Don't you know that Gavin Newsome is around here someplace?"

Kaptain Krude said...

"Hey dad, I've got three microphones pointed at me right now. Yeah, three. That's two more than you've ever had. Maybe *I* should be running for President, eh? Hello? Hello? Operator, we've been cut off!"