Friday, February 10, 2012
Mittens on da Phone
1. "Is this cocksucker residence? Is this Four Two One Five Pussy Way?"
2. "Hello, Republican Voter... this is... um... Kevin... I'm with an independent polling firm and would like to ask you a few questions. Now, if you knew Rick Santorum likes to relax at the end of the day by lounging around the house in a silk teddy, would you be more or less likely to vote for him?"
3. "Hello, Dominos, yeah, I'd like to order a large cheese pizza and sixty million dollars in attack ads to remove the latest obstacle to my inevitability.... Whoops, wrong note, I meant cheesy bread."
4. "Dittos, Rush... first time caller, long time listener. This is... um... 'Bill'... in... um, Ohio, perhaps. Yes, that will do. I just wanted say you're being a bit tough on Romney. He's very popular Rush. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude." Romney never realized his cue card writer was totally trolling him.
5. "Yes, I've been bad. Spank me!"
Best of Submariner
Best of Jack Reacher
"Our records indicate the warranty on your 2009 Toyota is about to expire. For a limited time, we are offering..."
Best of Dr. Doom
"Hello this is Mitt, Thanks for calling 1-DIALARINO.", answered Mr. Romney, "Can we interest you in some socialized medicine today? No? How about government funded abortions?"
Best of Double the U
Yeah I get a lot of people crying at the republican choices.
Best of metalgarth
Have you considered all the benefits of owning your own Amway franchise?
Best of Kaptain Krude
"What? Hillary? I told you to never call me while I'm at work!... Why do you want to know what I'm wearing?... You're wearing what?... Is that even physically possible?... Yes, Gaia, that is hot.... No, no, I'm hanging up now. ...No, I'm serious, I'm hanging up now. ...Because I have a lot of things to do. ...Yes, like beat Santoru... oh, ha ha, you got me on that one."
Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Hello, Joe's Tavern? Will you please call I. P. Daily to the phone?
Best of Submariner
ORA: "Could you please page Mike Hunt?"
Best of prince of leaves
"Thank you for calling 1-800-GOP-RINO, my name is Mitt, how may I pander to you today?"
Best of dadoctah
"Hi, this is Willard from Time-Life Books, calling to find out how satisfied you are with the 'Our Fabulous Century' series we're sending you...."