Friday, February 10, 2012

Mittens on da Phone



1. "Is this cocksucker residence? Is this Four Two One Five Pussy Way?"

2. "Hello, Republican Voter... this is... um... Kevin... I'm with an independent polling firm and would like to ask you a few questions. Now, if you knew Rick Santorum likes to relax at the end of the day by lounging around the house in a silk teddy, would you be more or less likely to vote for him?"

3.  "Hello, Dominos, yeah, I'd like to order a large cheese pizza and sixty million dollars in attack ads to remove the latest obstacle to my inevitability.... Whoops, wrong note, I meant cheesy bread."

4. "Dittos, Rush... first time caller, long time listener. This is... um... 'Bill'... in... um, Ohio, perhaps. Yes, that will do. I just wanted say you're being a bit tough on Romney. He's very popular Rush. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude." Romney never realized his cue card writer was totally trolling him.

5. "Yes, I've been bad. Spank me!"

Best of Submariner
Newt? Mitt.
GREAT job!
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!

Best of Jack Reacher
"Our records indicate the warranty on your 2009 Toyota is about to expire. For a limited time, we are offering..."


Best of Dr. Doom
"Hello this is Mitt, Thanks for calling 1-DIALARINO.", answered Mr. Romney, "Can we interest you in some socialized medicine today? No? How about government funded abortions?"

Best of Double the U
Yeah I get a lot of people crying at the republican choices.

Best of metalgarth
Have you considered all the benefits of owning your own Amway franchise?

Best of Kaptain Krude
"What? Hillary? I told you to never call me while I'm at work!... Why do you want to know what I'm wearing?... You're wearing what?... Is that even physically possible?... Yes, Gaia, that is hot.... No, no, I'm hanging up now. ...No, I'm serious, I'm hanging up now. ...Because I have a lot of things to do. ...Yes, like beat Santoru... oh, ha ha, you got me on that one."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Hello, Joe's Tavern? Will you please call I. P. Daily to the phone?

Best of Submariner
ORA: "Could you please page Mike Hunt?"

Best of prince of leaves
"Thank you for calling 1-800-GOP-RINO, my name is Mitt, how may I pander to you today?"

Best of dadoctah
"Hi, this is Willard from Time-Life Books, calling to find out how satisfied you are with the 'Our Fabulous Century' series we're sending you...."

28 comments:

Submariner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Submariner said...

Newt? Mitt.
GREAT job!
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!

Jack Reacher said...

"Good evening Sir or Madam. How are you? Pause for response. Oh, I wasn't supposed to read that part out loud, was I?"

Jack Reacher said...

"You don't believe this is Mitt Romney? I'll bet you $10,000 it is. How about that, smart guy?"

Jack Reacher said...

"Our records indicate the warranty on your 2009 Toyota is about to expire. For a limited time, we are offering..."

Rodney Dill said...

Hello... my name is Peggy...

Dr. Doom said...

"Hello this is Mitt, Thanks for calling 1-DIALARINO.", answered Mr. Romney, "Can we interest you in some socialized medicine today? No? How about government funded abortions?"

Double the U said...

Yeah I get a lot of people crying at the republican choices.

Chronos the Wonder Pig said...

"yea but if you don't vote for me you get 4 more years of Obama..think about it ...I'm the lesser of 2 evils......."

metalgarth said...

No, I don't want to hear about Ron Paul so quit f--king asking!

metalgarth said...

Have considered all the benefits of owning your own Amway franchise?

metalgarth said...

Hello, McPatterson's. Can I place an order for carryout?

metalgarth said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
metalgarth said...

"If you'd like to place an attack ad against Newt Gingrich PRESS 1"

The Ghost of Achilles said...

"Well, OK, I'll mark down 'All Dead Inside' ... just like the other 75% of Republican voters."

Kaptain Krude said...

"What? Hillary? I told you to never call me while I'm at work!... Why do you want to know what I'm wearing?... You're wearing what?... Is that even physically possible?... Yes, Gaia, that is hot.... No, no, I'm hanging up now. ...No, I'm serious, I'm hanging up now. ...Because I have a lot of things to do. ...Yes, like beat Santoru... oh, ha ha, you got me on that one."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

PAC Cross Marketing: It's perfectly legal. You buy half a million boxes of Girl Scout Thin Mints and I'll appoint you to a plumb ambassorship. Deal?

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Hello, Joe's Tavern? Will you please call I. P. Daily to the phone?

-OR-

How The Candidates Got Their Start - #1 Romney:
"Yes, $3.99 a minute billed to your phone. OK, ready... Hi, handsome, oooh, you've been such a bad boy! I'm going to have to tie you up and spank you. Now strip and wiggle that butt for me, baybeee."

Submariner said...

ORA

"Could you please page Mike Hunt?"

Submariner said...

"Do you have Prince Albert in the can?"
heh-heh

Anonymous said...

"Look, I'll call you later. I can't run for president and play Bingo at the same time."

Vinneh

prince of leaves said...

Policeman on phone: "The calls from Ron Paul are coming from inside the call bank!"

prince of leaves said...

"Thank you for calling 1-800-GOP-RINO, my name is Mitt, how may I pander to you today?"

GregMan said...

"Dell Technical Support. Have you tried rebooting your PC?"

GregMan said...

ORA: "Yes, yes, yes... yeees, no, of course not, yes, yes, 12 1/2, yes..."

dadoctah said...

"Hi, this is Willard from Time-Life Books, calling to find out how satisfied you are with the 'Our Fabulous Century' series we're sending you...."

Submariner said...

"Please don't hang up; this is not a sales call!"

Submariner said...

Which political party would you rather see destroy the USA in 2013 through a blatant lack of courage to do what's necessary to save it? Democrats or Republicans?