Friday, February 17, 2012

The Magnificent Bears of Wal-Mart

Schneider

1. After getting lost in the Auto Parts Department for two hours, Earl was forced to eat his two shopping companions to survive.

2. "Excuse me, Miss, where can I find a product that will get massive skid marks out of a pair of 56-W tidy whiteys?"

3. Earl was later busted for shoplifting six cases of Bud in his fat folds.

4. The hair and stache say "70's Porn Star" the waistline and tattoos say, "Hardcore Gay Fetish Porn Star."

5. From KY Jelly to Horse Harnesses, Walmart is one-stop shopping for all your manwhore needs.

Best of dadoctah
It's a little late in the season, but the Republicans may have finally found someone who can win this election.

Best of prince of leaves
Earl got down to his collarbones before having to run out for a replacement groomer.

Best of Dr. Doom
"Hey Bobby Lee", shouted Bubba, "The family size pack of butt closures is on sale this week!"

Best of Dactyl
Like his cousins Sasquatch and Yeti, a blurry photograph and a couple of plaster footprint casts are all the evidence we have for the existence of Leroy Johnson.

Best of Vinneh
Good to see Ron Jeremy lost a few pounds.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
♫ He ain't heavy, he's neo-normal. ♪ ♬

Best of metalgarth
Did Jack Black run out of money?

15 comments:

dadoctah said...

It's a little late in the season, but the Republicans may have finally found someone who can win this election.

prince of leaves said...

Earl got down to his collarbones before having to run out for a replacement groomer.

Dr. Doom said...

"Hey Bobby Lee", shouted Bubba, "The family size pack of butt closures is on sale this week!"

Dr. Doom said...

How nature warns you to stay away - #432...

Dactyl said...

Foiled by the new spam-blockers, marginal community college students and paper hat fetishists were forced to look elsewhere for their term papers.

Dactyl said...

Like his cousins Sasquatch and Yeti, a blurry photograph and a couple of plaster footprint casts are all the evidence we have for the existence of Leroy Johnson.

Shayne said...

Rosie's never looked so good!

Or

"I'm dead sexy!"

Anonymous said...

Good to see Ron Jeremy lost a few pounds.

Vinneh

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Inside that fat blob is a skinny guy... that was eaten by the fat blob.

-OR-

♩ ♫ He ain't heavy, he's neo-normal. ♪ ♬

-OR-

No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service
I think this country's decline started when gas stations instituted self-service.

Ayyone else find the new word captcha to be a major bummer? I'm wasting more time trying to guess the letters than I am writing captions. I've come to expect this when Google "improves" something.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Metaphor for religious zealots and politicians - Totally oblivious to reality (so on message) that they don't care how stupid they look.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

People of Wal-Mart - The perfect wake up call to religious zealots... abstinence isn't working.

Submariner said...

Maxi pads, mini pads, maternity pads...

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Some guys have all the luck
Ernie tripped on a loose shoe string hidden by his beer belly, fell into a potato chip display and sustained a bad paper cut. Wal-Mart settled for $1.3 million.

-OR-

Thawtbubble: OK, got the beer-flavored douche, now for her Marlboros, Cheezwiz, Fleet enemas and... aw hell, ThelmaLou said I should write it all down.

-OR-

After his humiliating role as Batman's sidekick, Luis Guzman really let himself go.

metalgarth said...

Did Jack Black run out of money?

Mr Hankey said...

Maybe he doesn't crap in the woods any longer