Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Crash and Burn


1. The First Chevy Volt to compete in NASCAR was not a resounding success.

2. Subsequently, NASCAR adopted a very strict "No texting while driving" policy.

3. "Thanks, Peter North. Once again, your legendary ejaculatory volume has saved the day."

4. The first Palestinian NASCAR driver ended his career with a "Bang!" and massive midfield casualties.

5. And when the witch burning was concluded, the actual race could begin.


Threadwinner: Vinneh
"You guys better put it out fast, the owner knows Mitt."

Best of Dr. Doom
Fortunately the fire was quickly extinguished when the first two rows in turn 3 poured their beers on it...

Best of prince of leaves
After seeing the image of Satan in the inferno, President Santorum immediately banned all open flames.

Best of Kaptain Krude
Dr. Emmett Brown's choice of vehicles made Marty McFly much more eager to test the new time machine.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
BURNING MAN... FAIL but quite spectacularly.

Best of Rodney Dill
"Suddenly this naked fat woman came outta nowhere and jumped on my hood."

Best of dadoctah
Hot Wheels and Matchbox are now locked in a fierce battle for the marketing rights.

Best of GregMan
Some Bitter Clingers at Daytona were going to burn SCOAMF in effigy, but when he showed up for real, they figured "what the hell".

Best of Submariner riffing prince of leaves
Let go from Current TV and with nowhere lower to go, a broke and embittered Keith Olbermann protests the right-wing takeover of all media by immolating himself at a NASCAR event.

...and just like his program, no one noticed.

Best of Submariner
Q - How can you tell this ain't taking place in Gaza?
A - No car swarm

Best of dadoctah
I'll never understand why Ford didn't latch onto the "Chariots of Fire" music to sell the Pinto.

22 comments:

Dr. Doom said...

Fortunately the fire was quickly extinguished when the first two rows in turn 3 poured their beers on it...

prince of leaves said...

After seeing the image of Satan in the inferno, President Santorum immediately banned all open flames.

prince of leaves said...

Let go from Current TV and with nowhere lower to go, a broke and embittered Keith Olbermann protests the right-wing takeover of all media by immolating himself at a NASCAR event.

Kaptain Krude said...

Dr. Emmett Brown's choice of vehicles made Marty McFly much more eager to test the new time machine.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Dawn had just begun to cross the bridge when the radio blared out a political ad detailing Santorum's plan to keep women barefoot and pregnant... ATDHE.

-OR-

Ernie just couldn't wait til he arrived at the ballfield to fire up his tailgate party hibachi.

-OR-

BURNING MAN... FAIL but quite spectacularly.

-OR-

Fire Marshall yells, Will someone please remind that nitwit from Co. 8 that you're not supposed to spray water on an oil fire!

Rodney Dill said...

"Suddenly this naked fat woman came outta nowhere and jumped on my hood."

dadoctah said...

Hot Wheels and Matchbox are now locked in a fierce battle for the marketing rights.

Adriane said...

I could'a swore Arnold took out Fireball but hey, that's Reality TV for ya ...

GregMan said...

Some Bitter Clingers at Daytona were going to burn SCOAMF in effigy, but when he showed up for real, they figured "what the hell".

GregMan said...

What happened when Juan Pablo Montoya didn't get off Bubba's lawn.

Submariner said...

prince of leaves said...
Let go from Current TV and with nowhere lower to go, a broke and embittered Keith Olbermann protests the right-wing takeover of all media by immolating himself at a NASCAR event.


...and just like his program, no one noticed.

Submariner said...

Fire Marshall Bill's a NASCAR fan? Who knew?

Submariner said...

Tonight on Mythbusters;

Jaime explores whether flatulence really burns. Adam ramps up the finale with a tank of pure hydrogen. Hilarity ensues.

Submariner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Submariner said...

Q - How can you tell this ain't taking place in Gaza?
A - No car swarm

dadoctah said...

I'll never understand why Ford didn't latch onto the "Chariots of Fire" music to sell the Pinto.

Steve O said...

Unlike Cole Trickle, Montoya took the instructions of his pit boss literally.

Anonymous said...

"You guys better put it out fast, the owner knows Mit."

Vinneh

Dactyl said...

Leroy's proprietary auto fuel formula, made from baked beans, had one unexpected side effect.

Submariner said...

He's.So.Baked...

Submariner said...

Ricky Bobby saved the day by driving the fuel truck out to turn two...

essay samples said...

I like fire!!