Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Scratch That

Schneider


1. "Hurry up with that exchange, I got to get back to my shift at Burger King."

2. "Hold on, I'll pay with with cash. It's kinda damp."

3. "Hold on, my butt closure is coming loose."

4. ORA: Andrew Sullivan goes to the Customer Service desk.

5. Eight years of Swiss finishing school... totally wasted.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Something reminded me I need joint compound, spackle, liquid wood, caulk..."

Best of dub
Uh yeah, I'm here to pick up my photos from my trip to the Sandusky Football Camp. Ouch.

Best of Dr. Doom
Everyone fled in horror after Bubba said, "excuse me while I whip this out".

Best of curly
“Dude! Somebody cut the Preparation-H with CrazyGlue!”

Best of prince of leaves
"Nope, don' fit. Got any bigger suppositories I kin try?"

Best of Army of Dad
Billy Ray stashes his pills while wishing that he coudl break some of his prison habits.

Best of Vinneh
"Hello, hello. I need some Anti Monkey Butt Powder and I need it now."

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Yeah, that second-rate pornographer will never know what him, just like we were when them Germans hit us at Pearl Harbor, eh Miss Huffington?"

24 comments:

GregMan said...

"Gonna need another sock, this one's all used up now."

GregMan said...

"I don't know what happened, all I remember is falling asleep at some guy named Sullivan's house, and when I woke up my butt was real sore."

Jack Reacher said...

"Yep, got my receipt right here."

Jack Reacher said...

"Ahh...I'm looking for an extractor. You know, it...pulls things out."

Jack Reacher said...

"Something reminded me I need joint compound, spackle, liquid wood, caulk..."

jj said...

Under obamacare, the STD clinics are now self-serve at WalMart...

dub said...

Uh yeah, I'm here to pick up my photos from my trip to the Sandusky Football Camp. Ouch.

Dr. Doom said...

Everyone fled in horror after Bubba said, "excuse me while I whip this out".

Anonymous said...

"Dambd, that little black kid slid down there."

curly said...

“Dude! Somebody cut the Preparation-H with CrazyGlue!”

curly said...

“Where can I find lipstick for gerbils?”

curly said...

Sully’s biker shrimp boat had to stop by Wally’s World to pick up some straws.

curly said...

Maurice had to dig really deep to come up with a good reason as to why he would vote for Obama a second time.

prince of leaves said...

"Nope, don' fit. Got any bigger suppositories I kin try?"

prince of leaves said...

Jim later sued WalMart after he was falsely accused of shoplifting a Baby Ruth.

[WV: copre -- I shit you not!]

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Embarrassed Thawtbubble: "Damn, it was back here a minute ago!"
Robber Rule #23 - Never yell, "Hand over the cash!" before yer actually holding yer gun.

-OR-

I'm here for da pictures... of our gang... at the petting zoo. The juxtaposition of skull tats, rotten teeth and drug-addled eyes and those cute furry creatures was a fabulous study in contrast.

-OR-

Desperate for some funny but wholesome photos, VtheK robs a string of CVS photo centers.

-OR-

Operation 1-Hour Service
Yeah, I got a call from Eric Holder's office saying my guns were ready?

WordVerify: COUNWINS - 2012 election headline you don't want to read

Army of Dad said...

"Oh fudge, I forgot my wallet"

Army of Dad said...

Billy Ray stashes his pills while wishing that he coudl break some of his prison habits.

Anonymous said...

"Hello, hello. I need some Anti Monkey Butt Powder and I need it now."

Vinneh

Kaptain Krude said...

"Uh, yeah, uh, I got a delivery here for a, uh, I. C. Weiner. Please sign this while I, uh, procure the package."

Kaptain Krude said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kaptain Krude said...

"Yeah, that second-rate pornographer will never know what him, just like we were when them Germans hit us at Pearl Harbor, eh Miss Huffington?"

Submariner said...

Size? uhhhh, let's see. I think 125# poly should make a proper butt floss for me... Do you have it anything besides yellow?

dadoctah said...

Not a caption, but it seems an awful lot of monors have never been inside a Wal-Mart; that's the pharmacy counter, where I've spent many a pleasant hour waiting my turn and smiling at a genuinely gorgeous Asian pharmacist.