Friday, January 06, 2012

Not Spectacular

Schneider


1. Whoa! Those Repo companies are getting hardcore.

2. "Now that you've dropped out of the race, Mrs. Bachmann, you won't be needing these any more."

3."As you have ordered, I have physically removed the belly rolls from the two wet coed bikini girls. Are the suitable for Thursday, now?"

4. The world's most depressing Subway employee asks if you'd like bologna on your five, five dollar, five dollar foot long.

5. "With these implants, you'll be a shoo-in for that State Department internship."

Best of prince of leaves
"So you're saying," Susan droned, "that these two equine Halcyon suppositories might help make me feel a little less morose?"

Best of prince of leaves
Lucy Kozlowski, the world's least-enthusiastic prosthetic testicle sales rep.

Best of Jack Reacher
"I don't need them, not with my sunny personality."

Best of Dr. Doom
This is all that remains of Pamela Anderson after the NOW finally caught up with her...

Best of Passionate Conservative
THERE ARE FOUR T*TS!!!!

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Your honor, he kept taunting, saying I had no balls. So, I ripped his off and juggled them like this until the police arrived in response to his screams. Penis envy my ass!

Best of curly
“…and here’s what fuels your chauvinistic Hot Babe Thursdays, you disgusting man-pig.”

Best of curly
The instruction video accompanying the “RONCO AT HOME BOOB JOB KIT” was humorless and bloody.

Best of Rodney Dill
Maria Shriver refused to reconcile with Arnold, even though he had his cojones surgically removed.

Best of Vinneh
At the board meeting, Norma explained there was a market for implants for girls who want to be flat chested. Then she was summarily fired.

23 comments:

prince of leaves said...

"So you're saying," Susan droned, "that these two equine Halcyon suppositories might help make me feel a little less morose?"

Anonymous said...

Lucy Kozlowski, the world's least-enthusiastic prosthetic testicle sales rep.

prince of leaves said...

Lucy Kozlowski, the world's least-enthusiastic prosthetic testicle sales rep.

[oops, that was me above]

prince of leaves said...

ORA: "I'm gelling."

Jack Reacher said...

"I don't need them, not with my sunny personality."

curly said...

Thanks to a broken inkjet printer, the Rorschach tests at Dr. Smith’s office became progressively lamer.

curly said...

“Congratulations, Mr. Curly. Now that you finally learned the difference between shit and shinola, its time to progress to more subtle distinctions.”

Dr. Doom said...

This is all that remains of Pamela Anderson after the NOW finally caught up with her...

Dr. Doom said...

TSA Agent Sarah Jones demonstrates the latest enhanced pat down technique...

Kaptain Krude said...

"This is your term paper. *This* is your term paper after we finish writing it. Any questions?"

Kaptain Krude said...

"morose? No, we don't even have that color."


morose = more rose, for the liberals in the audience confused by that sentence.

Passionate Conservative said...

THERE ARE FOUR T*TS!!!!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

I want to assure eveyone that the Universal Healthcare Plan will still provide breast implants for any prisoner who requests them... female OR male inmates.

-OR-

The newest MRE includes a cardboard-like substance that resembles pancakes. Our fighting boys can drizzle a little honey-flavored motor oil over these puppies and enjoy a delicious fiber-rich breakfast.

-OR-

Your honor, he kept taunting, saying I had no balls. So, I ripped his off and juggled them like this until the police arrived in response to his screams. Penis envy my ass!

-OR-

To extend their patent on the insanely profitable Cialis, Eli Lilly has come out with a once-a-month extended dose suppository.

-OR-

Well, for one thing, these Chinese knock-off hormone patches are a nonstandard size. For another, they contained enough active ingredient that male researchers who touched them sprouted 38-D breasts.

Passionate Conservative said...

Ladies and gentlemen, science has reinvented the stress ball.

curly said...

“…and here’s what fuels your chauvinistic Hot Babe Thursdays, you disgusting man-pig.”

curly said...

The instruction video accompanying the “RONCO AT HOME BOOB JOB KIT” was humorless and bloody.

curly said...

Man, Charles Johnson AND his Little Green Footballs icons have really let themselves go.

jj said...

Man, Charlie Sheen is really getting desperate....

Rodney Dill said...

Maria Shriver refused to reconcile with Arnold, even though he had his cojones surgically removed.

Rodney Dill said...

"Who you callin' a boob?"

Anonymous said...

At the board meeting, Norma explained there was a market for implants for girls who want to be flat chested. Then she was summarily fired.

Vinneh

dadoctah said...

Her dad's rich, so, yeah, if I had to I'd do her.

Anonymous said...

You MADE me put in these awful things and STILL you have an affair!
Here, you can have them! >toss<