Best of Rodney Dill
Bend over America.
Best of Rodney Dill
"Auger? I don't even know her."
Best of Army of Dad
Thought bubble: How the hell am I supposed to snort a line of coke off of that!?
Best of dadoctah
ORA: "That's not a drill. *This* is a drill."
Best of Submariner
I heard M'Chel had a yeast infection, so...
Best of double the u
...and that is how we start the process of converting people into Soylent Green.
Best of Artfldgr
Isnt she beautiful? Raul over there will take you behind the curtain and show you how we use it..
Best of Dr. Doom
"Yes sir, it is called the wealth distributor", said the minion, "And with this new version it is no longer necessary for the taxpayer to bend over"
Best of Carpe Phlogiston
AP White House update: Universal Healthcare to cover one form of headache relief treatment... Trepanning
Best of Rodney Dill
"Yes Sir, Aliens live among us and they definitely are interested in anal probes."
Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Damned if I know why 'Chel wants it. Maybe it's a pendant for one of her necklaces?
Best of jj
So how many of these do we need to get all that botox out of Pelosi?
Best of VInneh
"Sir, this is like a Dremel compared to the screwing you're giving us."
46 comments:
Bend over America.
"We can cancel this project, with Barney getting married he no longer needs it."
"..and send one of these to that Jan girl from Arizona."
"M'Chel said bigger!"
"Auger? I don't even know her."
Drill Baby. Drill.
"Now America is really screwed!"
Now I know why Congress"man" Franks said 'Drill here, drill now'.
"I'll teach Brewer to stick her finger in my face..."
Thought bubble: How the hell am I supposed to snort a line of coke off of that!?
Reams of My Father.
ORA: "That's not a drill. *This* is a drill."
I heard M'Chel had a yeast infection, so...
"Let me see if I have this right, Mr. President. We figure out a way to make this thing solar-powered, and Geithner writes us a check for $350 million? Ooooh-kay."
It's the Ambiguously Gay Duo (Plus some short guy with a beard).
...and that is how we start the process of converting people into Soylent Green.
"I'm ready for that guy that works for Mel Brooks next time."
So this was what was making the noise coming from Barneys office? What was the other noise?
IF we replace this years holiday tree with this, we can save a few dollars...
We believe that with this new invention, we can mine more magic pixie dust faster than any prior administration...
Isnt she beautiful? Raul over there will take you behind the curtain and show you how we use it..
With this we can make the really big ravioli for your wife...
With our new program here at Wackenhut, we have brought recidivism to go down to levels never before seen in the prison system
Thanks Bryan, I'm glad you could bring your equipment and help me out with the Brewer problem
"Thanks, gentlemen, but frankly, no fancy gadget could ever improve the way Washington screws the American taxpayer!"
"Yes sir, it is called the wealth distributor", said the minion, "And with this new version it is no longer necessary for the taxpayer to bend over"
"No, no, no, no, NO! Gentlemen, this is simply unacceptable! I said I wanted to screw America on the way out, not tickle her ass with a feather! This needs to be bigger! BIGGER! Do you understand that?"
Yeah, I know this is fantasy. Odumber would never be able to speak this forcefully. He'd have a speech written and deliver it among a whole host of Greek columns.
"M'chel's arms are getting too defined from lifting her eatin' shovel, so I thought I'd give her this nice drill to help break up her food. Put it in the shipping crate and charge it to the taxpayers!"
Noooo, I want to get it through the thick skulls of congressmen that they're destroying the nation.
We'll.need.a.bigger. drill.
-OR-
Something, isn't it? Rosie O'Donnell's vibrator... just in for a 3-month/3,000-inch tune-up and acid-resistant finish recoating.
AP White House update: Universal Healthcare to cover one form of headache relief treatment... Trepanning
Now that's what I'm talking about. High colonics just aren't working the way they used to. You accept checks drawn on the US Taxpayer, right?
The White House physician sent me here to remove some wax from my ears. He's just kidding, right?
No sir, I think your remark at the State Dinner that he was a quack kinda stuck in his craw.
WordVerify: epica - Pica is an eating disorder where people swallow non-food materials such as dirt, feces, chalk or paper. epica is when gullible Internet surfers swallow web site news and health claims without verification.
Can you paint it pink? The wife's birthday is coming up.
Uuuuuh, it's a, it's a, help me out here, it's a wind turbine, yeah, wind turbine! Noe about that taxpayer funded green energy loan?
"Wow, I thought this was an urban legend, just like the Washingtonienne."
"Yes Sir, Aliens live among us and they definitely are interested in anal probes."
Damned if I know why 'Chel wants it. Maybe it's a pendant for one of her necklaces?
No sir, we don't know what it is but, a loan of um, $5,000,000 could shed some light on it.
So how many of these do we need to get all that botox out of Pelosi?
"Sir, this is like a Dremel compared to the screwing you're giving us."
Vinneh
C'mon, sing it with me!
♩ ♫ Making Jobs Out of Nothing At All ♪ ♬ - by AirSupply
-OR-
Mr. President, the tax cuts the Republicans want for their fat cat cronies might help us little guys... for instance, I believe this dental drill for buck-toothed hippos qualifies. Why yes, I did used to work for Solyndra.
-OR-
No sir, not airplane, incline plane. Lemme start over. You know what a ramp is, right? Well, imagine wrapping a ramp around a central post. It forms a helix. No sir, not felix the cat. Focus sir.
WordVerify: reeph - Ebonics for what coral builds.
His anus loosened by decades of abuse, Barney Frank had to get direct Presidential intervention for a butt plug that wouldn’t fall out.
Mr. Phillips Head and Mr. Slotted Head offer screwing options.
The President was not disappointed with his eHarmony match.
"It's not too late, we're already developing titanium butt-closures."
BOHICA!
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