Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Another "Sorry I'm Swamped at Work" FFA

Make me proud, monors



Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Police only found a 2-minute autobiographical video in Horace's tiny apartment, but it explained a lot.

Best of Mr. Hankey
The release of the porn from Bin Laden's compound explain a lot.

Best of Double the U
I keep trying for something but the image of young bald Paul Williams, Jr. keeps popping into my head.

Best of Vinneh
That Henry Waxman has gone wild.

Best of Spin
Beefeater™ subliminal sponsor of the Fulton Street Fair.

Best of Dr. Doom
If Mr. Clean and Rosie O'Donnell had a love child... Issues would abound...

Best of Submariner
If Paul Williams and Sinead O'Connor had a love child, would anyone put it out of our misery?

Best of Matt the K
I don't know, Metalgarth...what DO you get when you cross the lead singer of Judas Priest with Iron Maiden's mascot?

Best of GregMan
Enough already with the Anthony Weiner tweets...

Best of divine miss m
Eddie Munster, his 15 minutes of fame four decades in the past, now reeks of cheap gin and despair.

Best of Dactyl
Joseph Merrick Middle School's stage production of "Mad Max" didn't go all that well, but the after-party was a blast.

Best of sonicfrog
James Carville's younger years were quite turbulent.

Best of Matt the K
Porker, I didn't even Beefeat'er.

King Leer

(Brender also suggested this one)

1. "M'Chel, I've heard what you people lack in intelligence and refinement, you make up for in freaky. Is that true?"

2. Are there any two words that inspire more hot-blooded animal lust then the phrase "French Bureaucrat?"

3. Dominique Gaston André Strauss-Kahn: "President Obama, what do you think about the Sorbonne?" Obama: "Well, Frank Marshall Davis used to say if they were sore afterward, I should just use more Crisco."

4. I see from the president's face someone just told him what escargot was.

5. DSK: "Sure, I'm down for the three-way. Just let me warm up by raping the chambermaid."

Best of Vinneh
“Give it a rest Dom. She already has a f*ckin' socialist in her life.”

Best of blue
"Slow down Dom, as president I can introduce you to pig-boy!"

Best of GregMan
"Didn't I rape you in a hotel once? Oh, sorry, you people all look alike to moi."

Best of jj
Why don't you turn around and show me how you bottomed out that limousine.

Best of Mr. Hankey
Tony Orlando & Dawn - The Reunion Show

Best of dub
For the last time Dom, NO, those are not your curtains.

Best of Rodney Dill
Groper? I don't even know her.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

If Using My Friends' Facebook Pictures as Caption Fodder Is Wrong, I Don't Wanna Be Right


1. NAMBLA shoots for a patriotic image revamp.

2. ORA:"So, Billy, when's the last time you had a throbbing big one?"

3. John Denver's flashback to a childhood trauma would come back to haunt him at the worst possible time.

4. The scandal that got Sam the Eagle fired from the Muppet Show.

5, The Safe School Czar unveils his new mascot, Brewster the Consensual Intergenerational Relationship Eagle.

Threadwinner Double the U
Standard Caption: Andrew Sullivan's Internet search for "Young boys with big peckers" turned out disappointing.

Best of prince of leaves
America, 2023: equal rights activists launch the "Mommy and Daddy Have a Nest" campaign to legitimize cross-species marriage.

Best of dadoctah
Things That Are Creepier Than Clowns: #47 in a series.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
US Fish & Game wanted to charge Billy with defiling a protected species, but they couldn't find a prosecutor who could keep a straight face long enough to outline the charges in court.

Best of Mr Hankey
You just can't control kids' behavior once they leave the nest.

Assistant to the Regional Threadwinner Submariner
So Timmy; do you like raptor movies?

Best of dadoctah
Are we absolutely, positively, one hundred percent *sure* the world didn't end on May 21st?

Best of Vinney
"Billy, let me demonstrate how the term 'spread eagle' came about."

Best of Submariner
The start of the day on which the phrase "The eagle has landed." was co-opted by the sexually deviant agenda...

Best of mpur
You are the wind beneath my wings....

Friday, May 27, 2011

And then M'Chel's 'fro exploded



1. Obama thawtbubble: "Why is she writing the year as 2011?"

2. Obama. "Hey, Liz, why do you always say 'we' when there's only one of you? Don't you know how dumb that looks?"

3. Prince Philip liked his women like M'Chel liked her hair; big, black, and kinky.

4. "Yes, it's right here in the Pythian prophecies; a giantess with a dark halo will presage the End of the World."

5. "B is for Barry, dumb as a stump. C is for 'Chel and her gigantic rump." The queen's love for the works of Edward Gorey was a secret known only to a few Windsor insiders.

Best of prince of leaves
Michelle Obama's terrified reaction caught at the exact moment she glimpsed the green scales showing under the collar edge of the Queen's latex mask.

Best of blue
M'Chel was a bit startled after Prince Phillip goosed her.

Best of John.....just John
Married couples start behaving alike after several years of marriage. Case in point, notice how Barry and M'Chel both hold their balls when they're nervous.

Best of Dr. Doom
"Barak, loan me your pick", whispered Michele, "the humidity here just kills my hair"...

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
"Now then. Just let me sign this, and you're both deported and banned for life. There we go."

Best of Submariner
This.Coupon.Good.For.One.Free.Visit.To.Any.London.Hair-Cuttery...
Liz also gives presents.

Best of Jack Reacher
"That new Chrysler 200 is almost yours, Your Highness. Press hard; it's four copies."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
The Queen often entertained visiting dignitaries by showing how good she was at coloring inside the lines.

Best of Mr. Hankey
...and with that, the entire cast is signed up for the remake of "Get Christie Love".

Best of dadoctah
Triggering a traumatic fourth-grade flashback for Barry, Mrs Mountbatten also took off points for spelling.

Here, let me adjust those for you


1. "Will someone tell Ms. Maddow to clear the set!"

2. WTF MY BOOBS NOT SQUEEZE TOY! LOL!

3. And the greatest bukake money shot of all time was ruined by one anal-retentive fluffer.

4. "Just checking. Nope, I'm still gay. carry on."

5. "Do you reject Satan and all his evil works?"

Best of Dr. Doom
"A choreographer's work is never done", lisped Brucie with a heavy sigh...

Best of metalgarth
Bud Bundy finds out they really do go 'honk! honk! if you squeeze them right

Best of prince of leaves
While mothers were angered and children were confused by the move, fathers heartily approved of the Disneyworld-Hedonism Resorts merger. (A young father is shown here interacting with an updated Minnie Mouse.)

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
When Televangelist Ron Binkels updated the laying on of hands schtick, male viewership jumped 84% and donations (all in $1 bills) flooded his church coffers.

Best of Double the U
Men's Health caption: "This simple technique will make any women wet and submittable."

Best of metalgarth
The first and last CPR instructional video shot by Samuel L. Bronkowitz

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
Captain Spooge's rescues were dramatic, but messy.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Oh, I shouldn't have squeezed so hard. There's silicone everywhere."

Best of dadoctah
How to tell Katy Perry and Marie Osmond apart in the dark.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Even Before the Toast...

Also Brender


1. Distracted by the presence of the iWon, the Queen takes two arrows through the hat.

2.Obama: "Yeah, a bunch of people were killed by tornadoes while I've been here, but since none of them were gonna vote for me anyway, screw 'em!"

3. Queen: "Eeek! A half-negro!"

4. The queen reacts to Obama's request to "Excuse me while I whip this out."

5. Old queens go wild for the Mahogany Marxist. Just ask Andrew Sullivan.

Best of GregMan
"Never you mind where da white women at!"

Best of USMC2841
"I don't understand. They went to war because we taxed them at 4%. How do you do get away with 40%?"

Best of mpur
Good lord! This lawn jockey is alive!

Dawn, head, etc, etc

Best of blue
"Say, didn't we British run your father out of Kenya?"

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
"Your drunken dad died owing us thousands in taxes, it's debtors prison for you young man!"

Best of Mr Hankey
So hand size is a telling feature you say?

Best of Spineless Vertebra
"A handshake is all I can offer right now, but as soon as those cameras are gone I promise to bow to you."

Best of Vinneh
"I'll let you in on a little secret. I...killed Diana. So watch it."

Best of Dr. Doom
"Oh no Barak", replied the Queen graciously, "I never tire of the old royal scepter and orbs jokes"...

Best of Jack Reacher
"Oh, and by the way, Steve Martin wants his hat back."

Best of dub
Here are my keys boy. Be careful when you park my car.

Best of Submariner
"It's TWUE! It's TWUE!"

Best of Kaptain Krude
"So this is the hand that you strangled Bin Laden with, eh?"

Best of any mouse
"Hey wait a minute, when the schedule said i was to meet an old queen, I thought it was Barney Frank!"

Best of Matt the K
The Queen instinctively reaches to cover her hidden wallet.

Two Mules for Sister Sara

1. Determined to show more class than her husband, M'Chel belches "Rule Brittania."

2. Determined to present the royal family with more appropriate gifts, M'Chel presents Camilla with a carrot and some sugar cubes.

3."Back off, bitch! This is my corner!"

4. M'Chel. "No, the flight wasn't too bad. And I beat C-3PO at chess again."

5. Camilla. "Gosh, the presidential limo makes it over those speed bumps just fine when you're not in the back, Mrs. Obama."

Best of blue
"So, you gets to be Queen just by marrying a goofy looking guy wiff big ears? That's a better deal then I got!"

Best of Mr. Hankey
This should be fun...our husbands want us to go on a ride while being chased by paparazzi. What could happen?

Best of Dr. Doom
"Oh yes dear, you should have been to the wedding", gushed the Princess of Whales, "A larger gathering of chalk faced whores, you have never seen"...

Best of Whacko
'Say Michelle, are those heels of yours made with some sort of space age high strength titanium alloy?"

Best of Vinneh
"I'll let you in on a little secret. I...killed Diana. So watch it."

Best of jimmy
Camilla thoughtbubble: "Oh, dear...is she that Oprah Humphries person I've heard so much about?"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Flocculation - The tendency for frumps to clump.

Best of Submariner
"M'Chel, dear, a word of caution - DON'T enter the drawing room. My davenport is covered in the same print as your dress."
"Not any more, Cam. Not any more..."

Best of Matt the K
"No, it's not a f**king hat, I fell into the wedding cake!!"

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Impaler --- I hardly know her!

Al



1. "Was that wrong? Should I have not done that? I tell you I gotta plead ignorance on this thing because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing was frowned upon, you know, cause I’ve worked in a lot of offices and I tell you people do that all the time."


2. "Impaling people is part of our noble culture, you white European fascist!"


3. So, what's the difference between impaling someone on a giant spike and pouring water on somebody's nose? If you're a leftist... nothing.


4. "She made fun of M'Chel's outfits. B-tch had to die."


5. Best of Andrew Sullivan: "I've had bigger."

Best of Mr. Hankey
Syrian Cirque du Soleil practice isn't going to good.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Kids, this is why the CPSC pulled the Land of the Giants Backyard Lawn Darts game off the US market.

Best of dadoctah
♫♪ Peg o' my heart ...♪♫

Best of JohnS1959
Man you REALLY don't want to get caught smoking in public in California...

Best of sonicfrog
Talk about bad luck... As if falling out of the plane weren't enough, Miranda still just couldn't catch a break on the way down.

Best of Submariner
"I'll take 'Chris Mathews Sarah Palin Dreams' for $1000, Alex."

Best of USMC2841
Hell No! I'm not Spartacus. Look what happened to the last guy who said that.

Best of Army of Dad
Emperor dub shows his displeasure at the tiny belly flab roll and bad hair.

Best of Rodney Dill
No abdul, its Bunjee jumping, not Punjee jumping.

Best of Dr. Doom
Man Congolese fast food vendors have it tough...

Threadwinner mpur
Vlad, party of one.

"Playoffs... More like Gayoffs!"


1. "Kobe, I'm open" just took on a whole new meaning!

2. The NBA's Post-Kobe-gay-slur sensitivity training may have gone too far.

3. An extremely personal foul.

4. The team's first clue was the way he shrieked "Fabulous" after every lay-up.

5. Hey NBA. Soccer just called. It wants its gay back.
Best of Mr. Hankey
...it's okay. I know this great suite at the Sofitel that we can go visit.

Best of dub
Maybe NOW Kobe will see how open I am.

Best of Adriane
I'm too sexy for my jersey, too sex for my jersey, too sexy for my sweaty, sweaty, jersey ...

Monday, May 23, 2011

Bam-Bam in El Paso



1. ORA: "Pleased to meet you, Harvey."

2.When asked when he will finally bring unemployment down below 8%, Obama wows the press by doing "The Robot."

3. "We need more illegal immigrants to do the jobs I am not qualified to do."

4. "What about that thing? Is that a hole in the ground?" Obama fails yet another basic IQ test.

5. "You know what I really hate? Big trucks from Nationwide Magazines..."

Best of HLam
"And let me introduce you to my wife...oh damn, she must have run off to Popeye's again."

Best of jj
Is this where the alligators are going?

Best of mpur
As Barry poses for yet another photo op, two truckloads of cocaine and guns drive across the border unnoticed.

Best of metalgarth
I really wish this was a remake of Maximum Overdrive

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"...and teleprompter 4 goes right here..."

Best of Jack Reacher
"I didn't get a harrumph from those folks. See to it."

Best of Mr. Hankey
...and I left the car right there.

Best of Submariner
That citizen still has a few dollars in his wallet. Shoot him, chief.

Will All the America-Hating Marxists Please Raise Their Hands


1. "Well, I inherited the economy from my predecessor, but shooting Bin Laden in the face... that was all me, bitches!"

2. After demanding a high-five for single-handedly taking down Bin Laden, Obama was surprised with the entire military and defense establishment left him hanging.

3. The weakened president could only manage one sad, dispirited jazz hand.

4. "... and the streets will run red with the blood of the capitalist oppressors." Someone accidentally loaded Obama's speech for his San Francisco fundraiser onto the Teleprompter for his address to the CIA. No one really noticed, though.

5. The oldest of the CIA veterans pondered the irony that the POTUS was the kind of Marxist tinpot they were being paid to assassinate back in the seventies.

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
"Yes. With this mighty left hand I personally strangled bin Laden while the SEAL team looked on in awe."

Best of HLam
"Yes, I am the one that called God and had him call off the Rapture. It was me. Just me. All me. You're welcome."

Best of dadoctah
Apophis realizes too late that he's forgotten to put on his kara kesh.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Good-bye middle class, good-bye health insurance overhaul, good-bye balanaced budget, good-bye American freedoms, good-bye second term, good-bye yellow brick road... and good-night Irene.

Best of jj
Excuse me...someone wrote a bunch of stars on this wall. Give me a minute while I erase them...

Best of blue
"Excuse me while I whip this out!'

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Talk to the palm, Israel."

Best of Jack Reacher
"Will the operator of a black Cadillac sedan identify himself? You're parked in a restricted zone."

Best of Mr. Hankey
"You're welcome. I'm so glad I was there to accomplish your mission for you. No more thanks are necessary."

Best of GregMan
"And this is the hand I used to give Frank Marshall Davis a reach-around!"

Best of dub
Sully's search for "negro handjob" led to more disappointment.

Best of Mr. Hankey
Obama demonstrates the power of the dark side...as he lifts his X-Wing from the swamp.

Best of Vinneh
"Wait 'til he finds out the boys down in the cyber lab loaded Tropic of Cancer on the teleprompter."

Best of Submariner
♪STOP!
In the name of freedom♪
♫Before you break the bank♪
What the...
Who the heck let Forbes near ToTUS?

Best of Rodney Dill
"Who cried when Old Yeller died?"

Saturday, May 21, 2011

I'm Still Here

Psonic Phroog


Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
"Yes, Tom. Even to us, you look like an asshole in that chicken suit."

Best of GregMan
Apparently Chicken McDouchebag is on the menu tonight.

Best of metalgarth
ORA: Where's Peter Griffin when we need him?

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
"say, would you two girls kiss and toss your hair while I take pictures??"

Best of Spineless Vertebra
"So, what do you say after this we go to my place and you show me just how much you love animals?"

Best of Submariner
Wanna go to my place after the rally? I'll prove that I AM "finger lickin' good."

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Hey baby, wanna go back to my place and see which comes first, me or your eggs? Heh heh heh... Oh, it's you, Patty. How's the, uh, protest going?"

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
It wasn't until Tom read the "Blessed are the Mercenaries" sign that he realized he had mistakenly wandered into a "Public Execution of Terrorist Activists" rally.

Best of dub
So does this mean you dont want to eat the cock?

Best of Vinneh
"I don't mean to sound holier than thou, but if you look at the facts Jesus' last supper was also vegan."

Friday, May 20, 2011

Love Shack

The Brigade


1. After the apocalypse, trademark laws were not well-enforced.

2. Upscale dining in post-Obama America.

3. "Well, it's this or Denny's..."

4. In an alternative universe where McDonald's didn't get an ObamaCare waiver, costs had to be cut somewhere else.

5. The CBS cafeteria hopes that without Katie Couric's $15 million annual paycheck, there will be money for renovations.

Best of metalgarth
Big Pat, Filet of Carp, 8th Pounder, Swarms of Flies, Room Temperture Coke, melted shakes, sundaes, and road kill pies! And you really don't want to know what's in the McNuggets

Best of Any Mouse
"Do you want flies with that?"

Threadwinner: Uchuck the Tuchuck
"Two all-goat patties, shi'ite sauce, lentils, hummus, muri, laban, onna stale piece of pita!"

Best of Jack Reacher
In a spirit of boisterous competition, the shack was soon joined by an Ardy's, Hardlee's, Burger Kingdom.

Best of JohnS1959
Driven underground by Corporate Accountability International, Ronald McDonald, hires Blackwater to take his operation to the black market...

Best of Rodney Dill
3 Served.

Would Someone Give Crazy Can Head Some Crazy Candy!


1. Nerd mating display.

2. ORA: Dennis Kucinich's rebellious son sought not to block the beams from the mind-control satellites, but to amplify them.

3. Werner von Braun Technical High School presents The Road Warrior.
 

4. "If my lack of social skills doesn't keep the girls away, I bet this will!"

5. And in his senior year, Tyler was voted 'Most Likely to Become a Second Rate Pornographer."

Best of Jack Reacher
Conspicuous displays of wealth in the form of returnable cans will get you robbed in a heartbeat in Michigan.

Best of Matt the K
A crestfallen Kenneth realizes the frequency is NOT in fact 1200.

Best of Submariner
The school nurse took one look and sent Timmy to see Dr. Pepper.

Best of metalgarth
Super, technical ORA, that only IT geeks will understand. At Pepsico, the penalties for code not compiling are pretty harsh

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Madison Avenue's lust for product placement venues leads to the creation of a Clueless Shills Facebook page. Friend it and get a free hat or t-shirt!

Best of Adriane
All right, which of you people wrote in to Mythbusters about protecting yourself from EMP?

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
"That's right girls," Devon thought slyly, "Check out this six pack, uh-huh, uh-huh..."

Best of Jack Reacher
Laugh if you must, but he swears the comment threads at LGF load faster when he wears this.

Second Best of Matt the K
Dew Boy's instablility was traced back to the time Duff Man molested him at Beverage Camp.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Not Enough Hair Tossing


Beauty and the Bomb

The Brigade


Best of David
Standard cap #27: Something something queefs.

Best of dub
That's quite a burning sensation you got there.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
If it's Thursday, Dawn's head must be exploding.

Best of jj
The punishment for not wearing a burka in Iran can be quite severe.

Best of dadoctah
In retrospect, the promotional campaign for Fukushima Light & Power was ill-timed.

Best of Submariner
Hillary mused; "On second thought, I don't think I'll take this one for my intern program. MY queefs must be the most powerful at State..."

Best of Army of Dad
And everyone thought the 'Bimbo Bombs' headline was directed at the latest J Lo movie.

Best of Army of Dad
IED, IUD, what's the difference?

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

A Big Yellow Hand for the Dead Pope



1. "Awww... they're just inflatable." Andrew Sullivan's ultimate fisting fantasy was, alas, not to be.

2. You know, those are gonna come in useful for the massive Face Palm the next time Obama announces a new economic policy.

3. So, Princess Beatrice does gloves, too. Who knew.

4. Vatican flash mob.

5. The Vatican's new dress code was intend to prevent the spontaneous public masturbation that had been running rampant in St. Peter's Square.

Best of Submariner
This was Queen Elizabeth Wave Training 101. Why did they bring a picture of a dead pontiff?

Best of Submariner
While most of the church embraced the "Seig Heil to Benedict" papl edict, Francine stayed true to her Johnny Paul heart.

Best of blue
Confess to the hand

Best of metalgarth
The re-do of Hands Across America totally missed the point of the original... BTW What was point of the original one?

Best of Son Of The Godfather
OSPA - Obscure South Park Alert: "And here we see the crowd writhing with anticipation, ready to catch the communion wafers thrown by His Holiness, as is tradition. This is great day for Italy, and therefore, the world."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Opponents to sainthood hastily formed the Whack Him Upside His Head protest group and marched on the Vatican.

Best of Rodney Dill
Through a coincidence of fate Hellboy was able to pass mostly undetected.

Best of Jack Reacher
Some "Let's Make A Deal" contestants know how to game the system.

Best of Matt the K
The faithful line up to pimp-slap Sinead O'Connor.

Best of GregMan
In his first miracle following his beatification, Blessed John Paul the Great makes everyone's Pope hand strong.

Best of dadoctah
"We're Number Five!"

Best of VInney
Oddly, the Episcopal gloves had the rainbow colors.

Busted



1. "Sorry guys, you can't do that here, this isn't a public library."

2. "Fashion Police, I'm going to have to confiscate those shorts."

3. "Oh, sorry Miss Maddow and Miss Degeneres. Carry on."

4. "Sorry, fellas. It's only protected speech if you're pissing on the American flag."

5. I am really hoping this *isn't* the set up to a second-rate pronographic three-way.

Best of HLam
"No, Officer, I cannot stop in midstream so that you can collect the evidence."

Best of sonicfrog
How bad have things gotten in San Francisco - The cop busts the guy NOT peeing in public!!!!

Best of dadoctah
Figures. The tea party finally gets them to build the border fence and then this is how they treat it.

Best of Dr. Doom
Bill and Ted's excellent adventure takes a disturbing detour...

Best of jj
But officer, I have euromisotisis and might die!

Best of dub
Excuse me guys, but your stances are a bit too wide. Please come with me.

Best of Vinneh
"Come on guys. Put them away. What do you think this is IMF headquarters"?

Best of Jack Reacher
"Hey, you guys! Have you seen George Michael? Oh, wait; there he is."

Best of metalgarth
Alternate future #14655: Illegal immigration will be ignored at the federal level but special stormtroopers will fine you if pee on an endagered chipmonk. (Whaddya mean that isn't an alternate future?)

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"No, officer! Stay away! It's a Penis Flytrap!"

Best of Mr Hankey
The San Francisco Fire Dept

Best of Rodney Dill
Move over boys, let a professional show you how to diddle in the bush.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Gentlemen, the rectory bay window is right on the other side of that shrubbery! No, Father O'Flanagan isn't pressing charges... oddly enough, he, um, just wanted me to thank you.

Best of dub
Sully was once again angered by Googles poor match to his search for young boys with big bush.

Best of Matt the K
Plaid and Lascivious Behavior

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Oh, Let's Pile On, Shall We



1. "Remember when I said I'd use a condom... I lied!"

2. "Nah, my wife won't care... she is a Kennedy, after all."

3. ORA: "As my friends Hans and Franz would say, I am going to knock you up!"

4. "Pssst, the number for Planned Parenthood is 1-888-BABYVAC Just sayin'."

5. "Don't worry about it, it's not like you're Bristol Palin. Thank Gaia society doesn't hold old politicians to the same standards as young teenagers."

Best of dub
Get to da choppah!!

Best of USMC2841
The Sperminator.

Best of metalgarth
Schwartzenegg'er? I hardly know 'er

Best of Vinneh
"You know 'Love Child'. It's PC for bastard."

Best of jimmy
Arnie forgot the eleventh commandment: "Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff."

Best of Jack Reacher
"My wife doesn't understand me, which is a good thing, under the circumstances."

Best of mpur
Come with me if you want to f**k.

Best of prince of leaves
"Hasta el juego de paternidad, baby!"

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Your clothes... gib dem to me!"

Best of jj
Its OK. I'll call obama. He knows how to speak Austrian.

Best of Spineless Vertebra
"Well I can assure you that's not a cell phone in my pocket."

Look, It's Gay Hitler!


1. "Heil, Sweetie!"

2. As Andrew Sullivan's dementia progressed into the inevitable anti-Semitic rants, he began Google Image searches for "Hitler teabags"

3. Pat Buchanan on Spring Break.

4. In between YouTube rants about current events, Der Fuhrer enjoys kicking back.

5. In retrospect, this image would have worked out better for Newt than that "Paul Ryan sucks/Yay Obamacare!" thing.

Best of Matt the K
Mein Camp

Threadwinner: metalgarth
"no... on second thought let's just go with something more basic. Like a nice brown shirt"

Best of metalgarth
Only known picture taken of Hitler taken after the Germans bombed Pearl Harbour

Best of Dr. Doom
Dateline Berlin May 17, 1939
The famous artist Herr Greenbaum unveiled his portrait of Der Fuhrer this morning in Berchtesgaden. Der Fuhrer was reportedly not amused. Herr Greenbaum was not available to comment...

Best of jj
Who's that behind those Foster Grants?

Best of Vinneh
"Vee understand zhare are Chews in Del Boca Vista. No"?

Best of prince of leaves
Alternate Timeline #9176-442A: The NAZI "Party" amounted to little more than a drunken spring break in Ibiza.

Best of Shayne
Hey, it's Roseann Barr's son!

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Little known British Royalty Factoid - The Queen was so perturbed by Prince Harry's first choice of wedding attire that she had him locked in the Tower of London for a fortnight.

Best of sonicfrog
The real reason for the divorce - Arnold's other love child...

Best of dadoctah
And yet another GOP dark horse throws his hat into the ring.

Best of Submariner
Higgins finally "Has it up to here!" with Thomas.

Best of mpur
Well, looks like they finally found U.K.L. Lee.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Children Are Starving in India, Mainly Because of This Kid



1.Pedo bear saw there was no need for him here and proceeded to the next village.

2. "She's been on a binge of comfort food ever since Sh-t My Dad Says was canceled."

3. (Kid on left) "Hey! Didn't I used to have a brother?"

4. "The School Lunch program had to be cut back so that the teacher's pensions would be covered. Welcome to Chicago."

5. "This D-Con brand cereal tastes... funny."

Best of Double the U
Hello, Thank you for calling Weight-Watcher's technical support. How can I help you.

Best of usm
The latest documentary from Baliwood..."Million Pound Baby".

Best of Jack Reacher
"Hey, Osama, how's it going? Have a seat. Your other seventy virgins will be here in a minute."

Best of Dactyl
Jack Sprat and his wife, the early years. (ORA?)

Best of Mr Hankey
Not all cows are sacred.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Star Jones, the early years.

Best of Kaptain Krude
Part of me wonders if that is the flour she is supposed to be rolling in.

Best of sonicfrog
Aanandihta, not having great command of the English language, mistook one kind of desert for another and rushed right over to the Caption This web site when she heard it was Twink-e Tuesday.

Best of Army of Dad
Rahij is pissed that ever since their marriage was arranged his future wife didn't care about her figure.

Best of Submariner
A young Bary Soetero makes a poor decision and takes M'Chel out to dinner on their first date. This would not be the last poor decision he would make.
When E True Story returns after the break; Jeremiah Wright.

Best of dub
The QA department at Charmin has met its match.

Best of divine miss m
The Michelin Man has a lot of splainin' to do.

Best of Mr. Hankey
Slumdog Chowhound

Best of mpur
Yum Dog Millionaire.

One More F4A While I Catch Up


Frankly, this is only slightly more grotesque than whatever Hef is doing these days.

Best of Mr. Hankey
The real reason Usama was upset at the USA had more to do with the failure of his TV Pilot.

Best of Adriane
How to Stuff a Wild Bikini with Dolmas and Baklava was a popular title in certain parts of the world ...

Best of Rodney Dill
Girls: "Can we sea you again?"
Osama: "I'll keep an eye out for you."

Best of prince of leaves
Osama's first night in Paradise was working out well...until he figured out that he was actually in Gitmo, these were not three of his 72 virgins, and the "pillows" they were about to whack him with were actually bags of steel shot, broken glass, and rock salt.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

More Star Wars Related FFA

From Ace


Threadwinner: Dr. Doom
"You're right Leia, that is an effective distraction", called Luke, "But now Han won't fit down the garbage chute, that little hard proby thing is sticking out of R2, and I don't even think I can describe what it is doing to Chewbacca. C3P0 is strangely unaffected though"...

Best of Dactyl
This must be where that thermal exhaust port led to.

Best of Submariner
Then Han said "Let the Wookie win..." so I did, and, well, to make a long story short, I'm expecting a litter in November.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

In which V the K is just too lazy

Blogger was off-line Thursday night and all day Friday, so, no new posts and no best ofs. I am spending a Saturday doing recreational activities (wakka chikka wakka chikka) so here's what I was going to post Friday, 'cept now it's a free for all.



Best of Dactyl
I have altered the continental breakfast menu. Pray I don't alter it any further.

Best of blue
"Of course my manufacturing certificate is from the United States - how can you question that!!"

Best of Submariner
Dub calls a presser to pronounce another THB "hideously fat and butter-faced."

Best of metalgarth
Dick Cheney holds a press confrence to announce his intentions for the 2012 election.

Best of David
So this is how liberty dies...to the sound of Democrats' legs tingling.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Darth lost the respect of his stormtroopers when he started joyriding through the Death Star on a Segway yelling, "Wheeeeee!" in a sissy voice.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

If she doesn't look good, remember, I have an eye injury

Tit Bandage


Best of Son Of The Godfather
Hey, has anyone used "Hypnotic Abdomen" for a band name yet?

Best of Dub
Last Thursdays chick was so fat, she probably works the Burger King drive thru.

What?

She's right behind me, isn't she?

Best of Robert
After lancing a couple of zits, the bandages will need to stay on for a couple of weeks.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

The Moderates

Wednesdays with Sondra



1. Apple launched its new iSlam with an effective viral marketing campaign.

2. Additional protesters arrive in Wisconsin to support the unions.

3. Why all the convenience stores in your area will be closed today.

4. Dearborn High School throws an end-of-the-year Pep Rally.

5.  Islam: It's like the Westboro Baptist Church, only with a billion members.

Best of Jack Reacher
Fine print on sign: The World is defined as any area without a strong central government, susceptible to death cults, which may or may not harbor terrorists. Offer void where prohibited by the U.S. military.

Threadwinner: dub
    Smaller sign reads "Iron my turban bitch"

Best of Mr. Hankey
    ..and then the crowd dropped the signs and broke out into a Flashmob performance of "Rock The Casbah"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
The strike for higher wages lost a lot of steam when someone finally translated one of the signs for the illiterate NYC cabbies.

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
    I Slam!
    You Slam!
    We All Slam!
    For Islam!

Best of dadoctah
    Once again the marketing guys at Adult Swim put on a promotional stunt that gets blown *completely* out of proportion.

Pew Pew Pew!

Wednesdays with Sondra


(I injured my eyeball and I'm supposed to stay away from computers for another 24 hours, so... free for all)

Best of JohnS1959
Preparing for his campaign trip to the west coast, the President brushes up on his gang signs in order to curry favor with likely voters...

Best of Jack Reacher
"...and then I said, 'This is for America, bin Ladin!' Pretty cool, huh?"

Best of Rodney Dill
Playing the game Rock-Paper-Scissors-Badass-Islamic Martyr with Obama quickly became predictable.

Best of Submariner
"Eenie, meenie, minee, mo'"
Obamalama vets the new Economic Recovery Czar.

Best of mpur
ORA: Where's Jive Lady when you need her?

Best of Mr. Hankey
"V the K" gets a poke in the eye from "O the P"

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Man Barack, you're finger shore is skinny! Jus' like your resume! Too bad your finger ain't your wife, eh?"

Best of Dactyl
And then I poked V the K in the eye like THIS, and now he can't make any captions. That'll show him.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

The Mask


1. Joss Whedon's Lone Ranger remake--- LIKE!

2. "Worry not my plump little sister, I shall protect you from dub."

3. "I don't wanna brag, but every menstrual cycle in the five county area is synchronized with mine. I'm sort of the Chuck Norris of Lesbians."

4. "It's all in the wrist, baby!"

Best of USMC2841
Victoria's Secret identity.

Best of Kaptain Krude
Ang Lee will be kept far away from the remake of Witchblade. Far, far away.

Best of Dactyl
In their latest adventure, Electrawoman and Dynagirl meet Army of Mom's closet.

Best of Submariner
I think I'm gonna like the Bronkowitz remake of 'Xena; Warrior Princess.'

Best of Submariner
Her mask is actually an upside-down, peek-a-boob bra for dub's ideal female.





5. The Enterprise crew always lamented that the holodeck never malfunctioned and brought Commander Riker's fantasies to life.

"Sad to see a man looking for his balls and finding nothing but net."



1. "I bow to you, Mr. Shuttlecock."

2."The ball acted stupidly."

3. "I call foul, Mr. Referee. Chris Matthews was waving his tits at me."

4. "What do you think of my glutes, kids? Are they fabulous or what?"

5. The illegitimate sons of Jake and Elwood blues look on the president makes a f--kin' retard out of himself again.

Best of blue
Needing a job in 2013, Obama auditions for the role Of Alexander Scott in the newest I Spy remake

Best of USMC2841
Once you've had your head up there so long you really can't even feel the racket.

Best of jj
Damn you Gere, get that gerbil out!!

Best of GregMan
"Now watch as I pull a reason to spend another few trillion dollars we don't have out of my ass!"

Best of Jack Reacher
First the White House said he hit the shuttlecock, then nearly hit it, then that the wind acted up, then that there never was a game in the first place. No more questions, please.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Mimicking Bawney Fwank at the last White House mixer.

Best of Submariner
Thawt bubble; "If that 100% typical white boy Agassi can make a shot between his legs, then a 50% Arab Muslim can surely..."
HOLY FRAKKIN' ALLAH THAT HURT!

Thradwinner: Dr. Doom
No longer content with merely bowing and apologizing, the President takes to center court at Wimbledon and begins to spank himself to atone for amerikkka's transgressions...

Best of Army of Dad
"...and this is what all the white people along the Mississippi should do (bend over and hike up their pants) Bush hated black people during floods, now we are getting even!"

Best of Mr. Hankey
Just another black man showing off as he adjusts himself mid-thigh.

Best of Cricket
After authorizing the mission to kill OBL, Obama's head slowly begins to revert to its original position.

Monday, May 09, 2011

Warheads

Sondra K


Best of Carpe Phlogiston
After the Apple IPhone's bars fiasco, nobody was surprised when told that maintaining a good wireless signal will require a special, slightly larger antenna.

Best of prince of leaves
Unfortunately for the reputation for seriousness and gravitas of the Obama administration, the terrorist attack on downtown Miami happened to coincide with mandatory Funny Hat Friday.

Best of prince of leaves
The White House photographer later turned up mysteriously dead, after his new broad-spectrum camera inadvertently captured an image of the Administrations' Drakh minders.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Should I be bowing to them?"
"No, Mr. President."

Best of americanelephant
For some as yet unknown reason, when the president said, "ABORT!", the whole team quickly placed giant IUD's on their heads.

Best of Adriane
And then, they all chanted in unison: Im-ho-tep! ... Im-ho-tep!! ... Im-ho-tep!!!

Best of jimmy
The leaders sat spellbound as Princess Beatrice telepathically broadcast to the assembled group the next stage of her far-reaching plan to avenge the long-ago humiliation of her mother by the world press. Hillary finds herelf ruing the day Bill commented that even he wouldn't touch that "dumpy Sarah Ferguson".

Best of Submariner
Hillary; "Was Mr. Cleese SURE these would keep away Vorpal Rabbits?"

Best of Dactyl
Step right up folks! Toss the ball through the center hole and win an Obamacare waiver! Step right up!

A Mad Bomber Wearing a Mad Bomber Hat. How Often Do You See That?



1. And another vote is cast for Al Franken!

2. Trendy mad bomber hat. Distressed Bomber jacket. Elegant manicure. Moammar is just one Pabst Blue Ribbon away from being the All-Time King of the Hipster dictators.

3. "The infidels have sent us this Holy Quran, handled with white gloves and deep respect. Let's cut their tits off and spit on them."

4. Rumors that Leona Helmsley faked her death and had a sex change remain rampant.

5. "Of course all the pages are blank; it's Obama's Book of Consistent Foreign Policy positions."

Best of USMC2841
Why do you need my address? We like to send out a mailer.

Best of mpur
And yet the TSA waved him right through security.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
For a while after his death, Pernell Roberts sightings were almost as numerous as those of Elvis.

Best of jj
Let's see....Achmed...party of six...

Best of dadoctah
Mr Kotter's sweathogs have really let themselves go.

Best of Adriane
'Ha!' thought Crazy Mo, 'I'd like to see Beatrice & Eugenie upstage this hat...'

Best of entistic
The hat: Yet more evidence that Libya and Nort Korea are truly part of the Axis of Evil.

Best of Mr. Hankey
That's right, if you sign today you can get 2 extra weeks at our Orlando timeshare location.

Best of Mr. Hankey
I love looking through guest books to see who else has been here. Oh look, a SEAL team was here at Usama's just last week!

Best of blue
See here my friend, if you sign up for The Hair Club for Men, you too can have a hat like mine....

Best of Matt the K
"Hey look, he dedicated it: 'Dearest Mo, thanks for the continued distraction, almost done disappearing folks here! Yours in Despotism, Bashir'"

Best of GregMan
ORA: Man, Doug McKenzie has really let himself go.

Best of Submariner
ORA: I am Quinn. I am here. Why is everyone not "jumping for joy?"

Best of Jack Reacher
"When we find Waldo, I want the f***er executed. He wastes my time!"

Best of HLam
Mo and his beau sign in at the Elvis Presley Chapel of Love in Las Vegas.

Best of Dactyl
The Arabic version of "My Pet Goat" is 300 pages long, contains no illustrations, and you don't wanna know what they do to the goat.

Greatness Measured in Courics


1. Gallant makes a low-ball guess on how full of sh-t Goofus is.

2. As Obama listened to the clean, articulate European, he realized he had never been so aroused.

3. Later on, they conspired.


4. Hm, am I imagining things, or is that the ash-heap of history behind them. 


5.  Rumors that Leona Helmsley faked her death and had a sex change remain rampant.

Best of RonF
The load of $h!t he's trying to feed me? Oh, about this big.

Best of GregMan
Just then the black-furred tribbles attacked, bringing the news conference to a quick and bloody end.

Best of Submariner
"In the name of the lord I command the evil spirit of socialism to depart! Out, damn you."

Best of jj
But I already have an iPod....

Best of blue
"Barry, it took someone with balls this big to order the hit on Osama...so that's why I think Hillary did it!"

Best of Spineless Vertebra
"Now to show you my best Gilbert Gottfried impression."

Best of Rodney Dill
I dropped the baby... I don't know why.

Best of JohnS1959
Bed Time Stories with Barak
...So then,boys and girls, they slapped a 50% value added tax on all goods and services and the evil rich were taxed out of existence. And everyone lived happily ever after...

Saturday, May 07, 2011

Confident! Confident! Dry and Secure!



1. "Yippee! Daddy just dumped mommy for another lady, so, she strapped us into the car and is taking us to the lake!!"

2."... and then, when Anakin won the pod race, he yelled, 'Yipppeeee!"" (Why Billy is an only child).

3. "I dropped my bottle, I just wet myself, and I'm about to pass out in the back seat... Yippee! I'm just like Dad."

4. "Rich Corinthian Leather is Awesome!"

5. "Yippee! We're gonna be on America's Wildest Police Chases!"

Friday, May 06, 2011

Zamboner

Al


1. A whore brings more cocaine, Act IV of Charlie Sheen on Ice. 

2. This is supposed to make me feel better about the Wings getting swept in four. Actually, it kinda does.

3. "If one more monor asks me for a snow job, I'm shoving this shovel up his a$$ sidewise."

4. She must have a "date" with Bill Clinton later, she's got the ice ready to put on that and everything.

5. I definitely have to start biting into more York Peppermint patties.

Mistakes Were Made


1. Yeah, the aftermath of my first beer was pretty much like this, too.

2. "Whew! That was close! Good thing I'm a too old for the Safe School Czar's tastes."

3. Cocaine on the floor? Dead bodies in the background? This is either a Miami Vice rerun or Charlie Sheen's "Winning" again.

4. "He tore off my door and ripped the intestines out of my roommate just to get to our stash. That bear really does f-cking love cocaine."

5. Well, that was $20,000 in tuition well spent.

One Moment of Glory

The more Dear Reader basks in his glory over killing OBL (which someone else actually did, BTW), the more he reminds me of another historical figure whose life was a complete failure except for one moment of glory.


Thursday, May 05, 2011

Got Mammory Fluid?

Now, Here's an Idea


FoxNews should really think about hiring even hotter newsreaders and posing them in bucolic settings with their underwear hanging out. MSDNC and CNN would be watched by Barney Frank, Andrew Sullivan, and Matt Yglesias. That's about it.

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Doll House


1. "Tell ACORN we got this election in the bag!"

2."Bud Bundy had a garage sale."

3. "Surrounded by women with air-filled heads? I thought I was just on 'The View.'"

4. "I bought them with the profits from my second-rate pornography business."

5. Phil only felt comfortable around women who were his intellectual equals. He later dumped his wife and married Katie Couric.

Best of Vinneh
    "Quick someone dress one up like Bin Laden and get a Polaroid."

Best of Mr. Hankey
    Lady Gaga's puppet handlers finally come clean. Still no word on who is controlling Joy Behar.

Best of Double the U
Their marriage improved after they added toys and accessories. The marriage ended when she realized she didn't need him around anymore.

Best of Jack Reacher
    Meanwhile, in the MSNBC Green Room...

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
I'm not saying FEMA messed up again, but when they came pounding on our door and told me and Bertha to provide shelter for these tornado victims, I was like WTF?

Best of dadoctah
Because they refused to take part in his campaign photo-ops, Congressman Whiteguy had to bring in doubles for his daughters.

Best of dub
    It goes without saying that we would never make a fat love doll here at DubCo.

Best of prince of leaves
"I call them 'cybernetic life-form nodes', or cylons." 150,000 years later, the cycle repeats itself, albeit somewhat less sexy this time around.

Best of USMC2841
    I like to refer to it as the "Mormon on the Cheap" plan.

Best of divine miss m
    Gianni would roll over in his grave thinking about things people do with the inflatable Donnatella Versace doll.

Best of mpur
    "Oh, they're really no bother," said Gladys, "well....until the weekly clean up day. That is a little disgusting."

It's Called Orgasmatron


1. I don't know what it is, but the GITMO detainees gave up Bin Laden forty seconds after it was plugged into their rectums.

2. Visitors to London were baffled by what exactly the Obamas' gift to the newlyweds was.

3. I don't know what it is either, but they spent $40,000,000 in Stimulus on it.

4. The device Bush used to steer Hurricane Katrina into the black neighborhoods of New Orleans is now on display in the Smithsonian.

5. Apple's military division unveils the iMine; more expensive and less effective than other weapons, but it makes our troops feel superior for using it.

Best of USMC2841
    Keep shooting. It's just a minor quake. They build these reactors to withstand anything. Too soon?

Best of Vinneh
    Even a gerbil can be replaced.

Best of Jack Reacher
    "...and this is where the Cook County ballots come out."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    The new massage shower head by Pollenex is specially designed for today's larger woman.

Best of dadoctah
    It was then that I suddenly realized: Ron Popeil had finally gone utterly mad!

Best of dub
    Worst.Kidney.Stone.Ever.

Best of prince of leaves
When Dr. Tokara suddenly dropped the camera and started speaking in gravely backward Latin, the other Large Hadron Collider scientits knew they had discovered the Devil Particle by mistake.

Best of Spin
    "Ok, now give me playful".
    "now pouty"

Best of JohnS1959
    The new iSatellite will be used to capture personal information from all of Apple's spyPhones.

Best of GregMan
    I don't know what it is either, but I bet it needs more than a couple of "D" cells to start it vibrating.

Best of Rodney Dill
    Now all I need is the Illudium Pu-38 Explosive Space Modulator.

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

So, just what did the Navy SEAL use for a catchphrase before he offed Bin Laden?

With some assist from the AoS Morons


1. "Dead Goatfrakker says what?"

2. "Mazel Tov!"

3. "Say 'Allahu Akbar' again, I dare you, motherf--ker! I double-dare you! Say 'Allahu Akbar' one more time!"

4. "Look right here, and wait for the flash."

5. "You're going to want to put some ice on that."

6. "Kneel before Zod!"

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Excuse me while I whip this out!"

Best of Kaptain Krude
"I'm ordering a whiskey bin Laden. That's two shots and a splash of water."

Best of blue
"Here's Johnny!"

Best of Jack Reacher
"We start filming 'Weekend At Osama's' in ten minutes."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Okay, we'll give you more of a chance than you gave the people in the Twin Towers.
How about a 10-second head start?
Ready? Set?
1...
bang bang

Best of mpur
That's right goatf***ker, you're being taken out by the weakest US President in 30 years.

Best of Oiao
"President Bush sends his regards!"

Best of dadoctah
"NOBODY puts Baby in a corner! Wait, what?"

Best of Rodney Dill
"Screw you. I work for Mel Brooks."

Best of Dr. Doom
"Hello Mr. bin Laden", said the SEAL, "We have a bet. I bet that I could sew your dead a$$ into a pig carcass and sink you in a cesspool. My buddy here bets you won't fit into a pig carcass. What do you bet"?

Best of Army of Dad
"And Shepherds we shall be
For thee, my Lord, for thee.
Power hath descended forth from Thy hand
Our feet may swiftly carry out Thy commands.
So we shall flow a river forth to Thee
And teeming with souls shall it ever be.
In Nomeni Patri Et Fili Spiritus Sancti."

Best of Army of Dad
And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know My name is the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon thee.


Best of Army of Dad
"Flawless Victory!"

Best of dub
This is gonna hurt worse than Dub's eyes on most Thursdays.

Best of Rodney Dill
If Rigor Mortis last for more than four hours please seek immediate medical attention.

I Feel Pretty, Oh so pretty...

The Princess Boy via Van Helsing


1. "They'll be sorry they made fun of me when I grow up to be Mayor of Chicago."

2. The Safe School Czar brought a date to the White House Easter Egg roll.

3. Zaphod's son beat his father's record by three times being selected "Galaxy's Worst-Dressed Sentient Being."

4. Suddenly, my position is pro-bullying.

5. Still more fashion sense than M'Chel.

Best of dadoctah
    Bieber Fever starts early.

Best of Jack Reacher
    "Oh, Mr. ROTC recruiter! Yoo hoo!"

Best of Shayne
    Okay, Mr. Polansky. I'm ready for my close up.

Best of mpur
    Suck it, Kate Middleton!

Best of prince of leaves
    Exhibit #829385519 in the inevitable future parricide trial.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
    Yeah, my mommy wanted a girl. What gave it away, Sherlock?

Best of Mr. Hankey
    The sparkles made it easier to track Bin Laden's couriers.

Politicians Sitting on Their Asses While the Troops They Despise Make Them Look Good


1. Obama forces his staff to watch his First Term Vacation slides... all four million of them.

2. Day 19 of the "Should we or should we not take out Bin Laden" Seminar focused on deconstructing the paradigm of bellicosity in the context of transglobalism.

3.They were utterly fascinated by the display... would the bouncing logo ever precisely carom off the corner of the screen?

4. Obama began his presentation, "Now, as you can see, despite our best efforts, a few small sections of Amerikkka are not totally boned yet."

5. All work at the White House stops for "Snuff Film Tuesday."

Best of Army of Dad
"Joe, see if we can file charges for use of excessive force, they shot him twice in the head!"

Best of Dr. Doom
"So are we agreed?", asked the President, "One large with sausage and onions, half with anchovies and half with pineapple"...

Best of Vinneh
The always original Joe Biden sighed, "I love it when a plan comes together."

Best of Jack Reacher
Biden: "Look! The Sham-Wow picked it all up! Didja see that?"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Biden Thawtbubble: "Man, this is a complicated plot, I'm getting sleepy. Does Bin Laden get away? They don't look like seals, but then I never understood why they were called frogmen, either. Are these actors or is this reality tv?"

Best of Jack Reacher
"Look, Joe, it's just a parody. That isn't really Hitler, and those captions are just made-up."

Best of Rodney Dill
worst.bachelor.party.ever

Best of Mr Hankey
Biden is amazed at the graphics on what he assumes is "Call of Duty 5".

Best of blue
"I left my golf game early for this?"

Threadwinner: Adriane
2 shots, 1 Head ...

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
Yes, I think I will award myself the. medal of honor, after all I had to leave my golf game early for this shit

Best of prince of leaves
Everything was going according to plan...until some joker at Bagram decided it would be funny to Rickroll the uplink.

Best of Rodney Dill
"So how is Operation OMGWTFBBQ going?"

Best of Silhouette
Someone did put Baby in the corner.

Monday, May 02, 2011

Mr and Mr Elton John



1. "(Ahem) Back off, Superfag. He's taken."

2. "Big deal, so you've done the Archbishop of Canterbury. Like, who hasn't?"

3. "Well, if they had invited M'Chel, none of us would have been able to see around her ass."

4. "I agree, the drugs were way better at Limbaugh's wedding."

5.Elton is disappointed by Lord Mountbatten's response to his greeting of, "Well, hello sailor!"

Best of Vinneh
    Looks like there was at least one more Beefeater at the ceremony.

  
Best of Jack Reacher
    "What about that one? Is that one real?"
    "Probably a codpiece."

Best of blue
    Using the wedding program as a guide, Elton points out the members of the royal family that would have to be notified if his blood test comes back positive.

Best of Double the U
    "Had him", "Had him", "Had him", "ooooh Had him!"

Best of Dr. Doom
    "Hey", replied Sir Elton pointedly, "I didn't get a harrumph from that guy over there".

Best of dadoctah
    Aiieee! Gojira!!

Best of USMC2841
    I wore that same outfit for my concert at the Troubadour. No, Not his. Hers.

Best of jimmy
    "The Duke of Edinburgh doesn't give a damn any more. Look--he's taking a whizz on that tree right there in the aisle."

Best of Dactyl
    Tom Hanks, Stuart Smalley, and Johnathan Winters, not quite fitting in with the crowd at the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Best of Spineless Vertebra
    "You think we're super gay? Check out Chris Crocker over there."

Best of prince of leaves
    "Oh look, how very traditional, Prince Charles entering the Abbey on horseba-- oh, no wait, that's Camilla..."

Best of Rodney Dill
    Kagan's aged a bit since becoming a supreme

White Boys Can Not Be Allowed to Jump



1, "So, the score is apparently H-O-R to Get-The-Hell-Back-to-the-oval-office-and-do-your-damn-job-you-feckless-son-of-a-bitch."

2. "Every time he dribbles, the debt increases by $68,000... ain't that a wonder?"

3. "Don't be silly, Joey, he's America's first black president. Of course, he knows where to score some blow." (ATDHE)

4. "Why is he apparently playing basketball on a tennis court?" "Well, Jimmy, the president just ain't that bright."

5. Billy laments, " Can anybody step in for this guy? Anybody? For Mr. Motherfrakking March of Dimes"

Best of Double the U
    "la-da-da-dee-da-dee, ON SWEET GEORGIA BROWN!" Eventually Obama grew bored and returned the basketball to the children.

Best of dub
    Obama thought bubble: "Did he really just challenge me to a game of 'M'chelle'"?

Best of jj
    If anybody blocks the president's shot its off to the FEMA re-education camp!

Best of Submariner
Demonstrating that "All blacks are natural athletes" is just an unfair stereotype, Barry O rolls another gutterball on the shuffleboard court.

Best of dadoctah
    Welcome to the premiere of "Have You Got More Game Than A Fifth Grader?"

Best of prince of leaves
    Ginger kid channeling Chris Matthews: "When I look at his ass in those tight Sans-A-Belts, I get a funny, tingly feeling up my leg..."

Best of Mr. Hankey
    Barry is still 4-square champ of the playground.

Best of Vinneh
    "He travels so much I guess he is a Globetrotter."

Sunday, May 01, 2011

One More




Best of Jack Reacher
"I think she's hungry. She keeps muttering about English crackers."

Best of blue
M'Chel: "Hey, if Barry can photoshop his birth certificate, why can't I be the third page?"!"

Best of prince of leaves
Bringing up the rear of Kate's bridal train was Michelle's caboose.

Best of Oiao
It just occurred to me that Mich'hell would make a lot of Soylent Green.

Best of Submariner
UK DOT Regulation 345.a(13)
Extra wide loads require red and yellow warning flags posted at teh eztreme edges. A warning siren shall sound immediately upon engaging reverse gear.

Best of dub
Oh god....what happened to Halle Berry?!?

Best of jj
M'chelle delivers the obama's wedding gift. An iPod loaded with M'chelles exercise routine in a leotard!