Thursday, March 31, 2011

Sweater Puppy?

Hot Scifi Women


Stargate Atlantis - Larrin
(OK, this pic isn't from SG-A, but who cares?)

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

So, a Plushy, a guy in a Tiara, and the Fruit-of-the-Loom Banana Guy Walk into a Bar


1. Recruiting offices just haven't been the same since Don't Ask, Don't Tell was repealed.

2. 'Nappy the Black Pussy' is now the official mascot of Rutgers Women's basketball.

3. Charlie Sheen's Google search for "Wide Open Pussy" was ... curiously acceptable.

4. By this point, Kobe was so used to being a cliche he just shoved the ball down the cat's throat.

5. After the NCAA ruled that the name "Lakota Warriors" was offensive to injuns, the school changed its name to the more acceptable "Big Black Pussies."

That's No Way to Charge a Battery


1. "You okay Ms. Lohan? I mean... Lindsey?"

2. You just know there's a redneck in the front seat sayin' "Hey! I didn't even spill my beer!"

3. "Damn you, Mapquest!"

4. Numerous design flaws were evident in the initial design of the Car-tapult.

5. Among its other shortcomings, the Chevy Volt was a real pitch to recharge.

Best of dadoctah
"Okay, everybody remember where we parked!"

Best of Dr. Doom
"Honey - could you stop by the rental place on the way home and get the cherry picker again", asked Mrs. Smith on her cell phone. "...Yes dear I'm right inside the school zone on Elm street".

Best of Double the U
Early versions of using a car phone had some connection issues.

Best of USMC2841
Recalculating.

Best of mpur
Standard Cap #527: "Them Duke boys were in a heap of trouble..."

Best of molson
I swear officer I had to swerve to avoid some dipstick in a Spiderman outfit with the letters NYC on the front.

Best of Adriane
I sympathize! Really I do! A couple of Jolt colas and I'm wired for days...

Best of Submariner
440, 441; whatever it takes...

Best of dub
The Black Panthers fail at trying to intimidate the white guy that just moved into their neighborhood.

Best of Matt the K
The new Alpine Sky lift they built in Watts proved to be a big hit.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

With a Mayor This Stupid, Who Needs Photoshop

Sorry, my mind is just too boggled to caption right now.


Best of dub
Captain "Need Your Cock" to the rescue!

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Bloomie ignored the instructions that came with his new sex swing and ended up with a ginormous hernia, hemorrhoids and absolutely no good loving.

Best of metalgarth
Someone needs to reduce (or possibly up) Stan Lee's dosages.

Best of Oiao
Howard Stern has really let himself go.

Best of prince of leaves
Mayor Bloomberg realizes belatedly that he should have investigated the NYC Folsom Street Fair before committing to attend. Especially before committing to appear on the X-frame.

Best of Submariner
I thought you said Sotomayer...

Best of mpur
Bloomberg showcases the few fun things it's still legal to do in NYC.

Best of kg
No bulge.
Made you look.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Gouge Your Eyes Out

Van Helsing

1. "So, Mr. Lee, tell Entertainment Weekly where you got your inspiration for remaking The Mikado."

2. (Turns stool over.) "Theating for four!"

3. "OK, that's one good idea. What other ways can we think of to protest cuts to Performance Arts grants."

4. Lady Ga-Ga begins running out of ideas.

5. Thwarted by the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell... Corporal Max Klinger tries a new tactic.

Best of JohnS1959
Karaoke night at the militia compound is getting a little weird for some of the brothers...

Best of Spineless Vertebra
Needless to say, Ang Lee's remake of V For Vendetta bombed in the box office.

Best of dub
With fans like this, its no wonder Boise State isnt being taken seriously.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Senility is about the only explanation for Hugh Hefner's approval of this month's cover girl.

Best of mpur
I'll be glad when Barney Frank leaves office so we don't have to look at the intern audition photos anymore.

Best of dadoctah
"Doctor, I brought that stool sample you asked for."

Best of Oiao
Transgendered Ninga 'Gay'shas you can only 1/2 see.

Best of prince of leaves
Among the 4000+ "kill team" pictures leaked to the media, *this* was the most shocking and disturbing of all.

Best of Spin
"Does this unicorn tat make me look gay?"

Best of Adriane
Chalk faced Whore!!!

Monday, March 28, 2011

Mmm... Kinky

Sondra K


1. Andrew Sullivan is getting kinda desperate don't you think?

2. The amount of security was grossly disproportionate to the number of participants in the Detroit 5K Fun Run.

3. "Farting in your general direction" is a preferred tactic of lefty protestards worldwide.

4. Abercrombie and Fitch just doesn't want old, fat people in their stores, deal with it.

5. "Don't worry men! Our plastic salad trays will protect us from his projectile turds."

Best of GregMan
Having thoroughly enjoyed his first cavity search, Andrew Sullivan hopes lightening strikes twice.

Best of Mr. Hankey
Andrew Sullivan invites the officers to look for Mubarek possibly hiding in his butt.

Best of dub
WATCH OUT!! Mr Gere is firing gerbils at us again!!!

Best of Spineless Vertebra
Somebody watched Braveheart a little too much.

Best of Submariner
Henri was never one to let a high colonic go to waste...

Best of Submariner
Sometimes I like the odd sporting events on ESPN Alternative at 3 am. This one? Not so much.

Best of Submariner
Young Sully tries protesting; "Go ahead; Let's just SEE if your "battering ram" can breach MY portal..."

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Look out! Gas attack!"

Best of JohnS1959
Barney lets fly with some of his own tear gas...

Best of Vinney
Strapped for time CBS combined Katie Couric's latest trip to the Middle East and her colonoscopy piece.

Best of Adriane
OK. Here's how it went down ... The French speaking Belgians pointed and said, "Conasse!" Then the Dutch speaking Belgians pointed and said, "Lilleke Natnek!" And the next thing you know, a riot broke out!!!

Wide Open



1. ♪"He's got M'Chel's ass... (clap) in his hands. He's got M'Chel's ass (clap) in his hands...!" ♪

2. "Ulullulululululululululululululululululululululululululululululu!"

3. "Um, Kobe, I'm... uh... oven? WTF is wrong with my, um, Teleprompter?"

4. "The UN says 'Bomb Libya.' The UN says 'Clap your hands.' Now hop on one foot. Ha! I didn't say 'The UN says...'" Hillary was still the same old bitch.

5. "Praise Allah! M'Chel is finally wearing something that doesn't look like it came from upholstery world."

Best of Double the U
"That better be rain and not spit."

Best of Submariner
They took my umbrella at the door!

Best of metalgarth
"If you're a commie and you know it, clap your hands"

Best of Carl Carlson
"20 odd seasons on this show and that's the best love interest you could find for me?"

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
"...and Allah, if you are looking fro female suicide bombers, do I have a candidate for you!"

Best of blue
"Why does the band always play Big Bottom by Spinal Tap when ever we enter the room?"

Best of Kaptain Krude
Can we wait until he actually does something deliberately good before giving him a wax statue?

Best of JohnS1959
"Come on people - I gave you my brackets - I drove all the way down to ESPN - I flew all the way to South America to do... something - I forget what all. What else do you expect from me?", grumbled the President.

Best of Dr. Doom
"Yes general, that is right, VCU has destroyed ah... my bracket picking credibility and is um... a clear and present danger to Amerikkka", stammered the President, "I want you to call in one of those air um... strike things like we did on Gadaffi. Only this time don't miss on purpose".

Best of mpur
I remember when we were younger and M'Chel's ass was only this wide.

Best of dadoctah
"Ol' Man Ribbah, dat Ol Man Ribbah...!"
And then Dawn's head began venting radioactive coolant....

Best of Adriane
Proof of the Law of Conservation of Tackiness: Somebody cleans up M'chlle's dress, and Obama's necktie goes off the Rez...

Saturday, March 26, 2011

And Now, Another Episode of "Twink Hospital"


1. "I was diagnosed with terminal leukemia, but the ObamaCare Death Panel calculated my value to society and would only pay for a broken arm.

2. Billy learned the hard way not to each for the last shrimp when Michael Moore was next in the buffet line.

3. "Ha! A's for the whole semester, a guest spot on Elle Degenerate and those 'bullies' expelled. Sometimes, it pays to be gay."

4. "I'm gettin' an enema? F--kin' A'!"

5. "And the principal said technically *I* was the bully for wearing an American flag patch in front of those Mexican students."

Best of Rodney Dill
"Yep, Daniela Ruah's boobs are real."

Best of Submariner
After the doc's stiffened his left wrist, Larry Bird's jump shot was deadly.

Best of Submariner
I was jerking off and my wiener exploded...

Best of prince of leaves
The bionic arm implantation a success, Oscar Goldman told the surgeons to complete the boy's upgrades and have him delivered to his Fire Island weekend house.

Best of prince of leaves
Junior veterinary intern Skyler Frost is happy to have survived with minimal injuries the first successful attempt to artificially inseminate Rachel Madcow.

Best of jj
Ron Jeremy's gay fluffer files for Workman's Comp...

Best of GregMan
" A rectal thermometer? F--kin' A'!"

Best of Spineless Vertebra
"My mom made me play football so I wouldn't spend my time smoking weed. Way to go mom!"

Best of dadoctah
Pre-op, of course. C'mon, give me a tough one!

Friday, March 25, 2011

Carpe Selachimorpha



1. No, Randy, you're supposed to jump the shark.

2. "Randy, stop squeezing that trial lawyer. You wanna get us sued?"

3. "For my next impression, Ozzy Osbourne."

4. Deep in his redneck mind, Randy questioned whether it was worth a $5 and a can of Skoal to put his junk in the shark's mouth.

5. "I will love him and squeeze him and call him George."

Best of metalgarth
"Lil Jaws"... EPIC FAIL

Best of Submariner
Shark's thawt bubble; "If he's holding me with both hands, then what is that in my... hey, HEY, WHOA!"

Best of Jack Reacher
Sharks: The community organizers of the sea.

Best of Adriane
"Candygram!!!"

Best of Spineless Vertebra
"And now to demonstrate how B. Rabbit did in the rap battle at the beginning of 8 Mile."

Best of dadoctah
"Next I'll show you my Steve Irwin impression."

What, too soon?

Best of Kent Brockman
"I, for one, welcome our 100' tall Shark Choking Overlords"

Best of Dr. Doom
Later Bobby would tell his friends he 'got lucky' and ask them to smell his fingers...

I always get stuck behind this guy

blue


1. And somehow, it's still less stupid-looking than any SMART Car.

2. Yeah, Dennis Haysbert isn't going near this one.

3. The really amazing part; there are 78 illegals hiding in there.

4. Eventually, Obama succeeded in stopping all oil production in the USA and created the Third World Country of His Dreams (or the Dreams of His Father, anyway).

5. Retardatron was one of the more pathetic Transformers.

Best of metalgarth
The Kabul 500 garnered top ratings on ESPN7

Best of Submariner
Don't worry; we here at Crazy Adul's will bring the car swarm to YOU!

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
AAA's attempt to expand its emergency towing services overseas has been slow to catch on.

Best of metalgarth
it's all that was left after Dawn's head exploded on I-70

Best of dadoctah
One of Click and Clack's fans after NPR funding is cut.

Best of mpur
GM rolls out the "Not So Smart Car"

Best of Matt the K
Stuck with a lemon from Mad Mohammad's???...then come on down to Crazy Achmed's -- where all our Minivans are Half-Off!!!!

Best of Matt the K
Father, I have brought home Minivan from Sendai. Needs a little work I know, but at such a bargain.

Best of jj
Must be near the AZ-Mexican border....the hubcaps are missing...

and then Pedro's head exploded...

Best of Vinner
It's the new Chevy Bris!

Best of dub
Top Gear, Kabul was a failure from the very beginning.

Best of dadoctah
Yeah, but line up twenty of these in a row at the gym and hot chicks in spandex will claw each other to shreds to work out on them.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Stupid Hippie Gets Cheneyed

Al


1. Another liberal learns the hard way not to mouth off to Dick Cheney when he's been drinking.

2. "Well, Lena, you should have known better than to mouth off to Chris Brown."

3. "All dub said was 'Have you ever considered Jenny Craig?' You didn't have to rip his throat out with your teeth."

4. "Hon, do you think you might be taking this Twilight obsession a little too far?"

5. "Who ever would have thought pestering hunters in the middle of duck hunting season could have led to a shooting accident?"

Best of USMC2841
Hippy Season! Rabbit Season! Hippy Season! Rabbit Season! Rabbit Season Hippy Season! Oh crap! You're despicable.

Best of Submariner
Al Franken experiences "that time of the month."

Best of Dr. Doom
Hmmm... maybe the ducks don't need to be rescued. In fact maybe they are bloody tired of being rescued. Did you ever think of that?

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer to watch Night of the Living Dead in black&white, not this newfangled colorized version.

Best of jj
PETA activist Jen tried giving Knute mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Unfortunately, Knute was still conscious.

What??? Too soon?

Best of blue
"...and if you ever try to vote conservative again we'll hit you with two baseball bats!!"

Best of Double the U
This place is great, I ordered a bloody Mary and two people bring me one!

Best of molson
That went well. What do you say we give it another try?

Best of Silhouette
Rainbow began to rethink her whole "tooth brushing is a capitalist male construct" worldview.

Best of prince of leaves
Unfortunately, even though Patient Zero was identified almost immediately, it was too late to stop the zombie outbreak.

Best of Mr. Hankey
Wanting her own 15 minutes of fame, Julie decides to start up a local chapter of the Ellen James Society.

Best of Spineless Vertebra
After one session, the National Organization for Women regretted their decision to sue Fight Club for committing affirmative action towards females.

Grandma, No!


1. "Cut my Medicare to pay for Cowboy Poetry, will ya!"

2. Barney Frank just doesn't even give a crap how he is perceived any more.

3. dub's grandma responds to yet another suggestion to "lose the saddlebags."

4. Helen Thomas welcomes a new Jewish family to her neighborhood.

5. "No, grandma, the point is you *can't* pick our friend's nose!"

Best of Rodney Dill
"Alright, who told Grandma what a teabagger is?"

Best of metalgarth
Sometimes Hallmark makes the exact card with the sentiment you are trying to express. I'm sending this one to President Carl tomorrow.

Best of metalgarth
Fine, maw, we get it. You didn't like your Mother's Day gift in 1994. Get over it already.

Best of dub
Worst.Prostate.Exam.Ever.

Best of Vinney
Those drugs have taken a toll on Charlie Sheen.

Best of dadoctah
I think I liked Tracey Ullman better before she started doing "edgy".

Best of molson
Ever since Grandma got the arthritis real bad, this is all she can do.

Best of Justin
Ma Maybelle, doing her part to ensure the game of Red Rover would be invigorating at the annual Hatfield/McCoy reconciliation picnic.

Best of Dactyl
Well, judging from the red bandannas I'd say this is the 'Crips'.

Best of prince of leaves
"The nice people in the purple shirts told me if I got on the bus and went to the capitol and stuck my finger out at Governor Walker, there'd be cookies and blueberry soup after."

Best of Spin
The runner-up for the Miss Hamtramck MI pageant.

Best of Jack Reacher
In her defense, there appears to be a shitload of kids on her lawn.

Best of dadoctah
At the last possible moment, Jeff Foxworthy's career is saved!

Best of Submariner
Army of Grandma finds out she didn't have a "Best Of" this week.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Oh Yeah, Tuesday


1. "Dude, if you don't stop squirming, I'm never gonna catch that gerbil."

2. Glee is holding auditions for a new wrestling coach character.

3. "Why do you guys have to ruin every family picnic with your homoerotic oiled leather wrestling?"

4. "Why can't you just wipe in the stall like other men?"

5. "Dammit! Give me your turds!"

Best of Vinney
In an effort to promote preventive medicine, there were free prostrate exams given on Key West.

Threadwinner: GregMan
One time, at TSA Training Camp...

Best of Submariner
I warned you not to make a pass at AoM in front of AoD. But would you listen? No-o-o-o-o-o. Hold still while i get our rugby ball back; we still have a couple of scrums to go...

Best of Submariner
Hold still, Bruce - I need to make an emergency Vodaphone call to Ronaldo!

Best of Double the U
Once again Jim, you have confused an ass and a hole in the ground.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Most viewers did NOT like the new version of Friends, particularly the scene where Ross is stuck in leather pants and Joey tries to help. Next, a review of the episode with Chandler's third nipple.

Best of Rodney Dill
"Mom toldya not to run with Scissors."

Best of molson
If you want to know what I had for breakfast, you could just ask.

Best of Submariner
Oh for the love of Gaia; Franken was declared the winner. You can stop searching for lost votes, already!

Best of Dactyl
Worst...scavenger hunt...EVER.

Best of Dr. Doom
"Nope no ducks to rescue down here", cried Bryce...

OHAI SLUM PEEPS!

Pic and Threadline stolen from Sondra K.


1. "So, which of the 59 states am I in today?"

2. "50 points for every white person you nail, driver."

3. Forget the economy/ or debts unpaid/ Don't talk about war/ I'm on Vacay/Burma Shave

4. "M'Chel, if you let off one more silent-but-deadly, I'm gonna say 'F--- the Secret Service' and roll down a damn window!"

5. "Dammit, we'll never catch up to them Duke boys!"

Best of Vinney
"Let's get stoned and go through the carwash. Driver..."

Best of Submariner
I'm squishing their, um, heads.
I'm, uh, squishing their, uh, heads!

Best of Rodney Dill
"Whaddya mean I gotta sit in the back... RACIST!"

Best of Mr Hankey
"Let's move that tree over there...and some new flowers on that median...maybe some paint on that wall..." - Obama organizes his community on the fly.

Best of molson
No don't look up yet. Just hide the crack pipe for Daddy. People are watching.

Best of divine miss m
"Someone call AAA; I'm locked in!"

Best of GregMan
"Driver, stop at that burger joint so we can order some working-class food that we'll pretend we are going to eat to look like we are one with the little people."

Today's Pre-Captioned This

Monday, March 21, 2011

Faces of Death




1. "Madame Secretary, how many couches had to die to make that overcoat?"

2. Hillary Clinton does her impression of Monica Lewinsky on her way to the sperm bank.

3. Whenever touched by a man, Hillary reflexively responds with her "spitting cobra face."

4. ORA: Sarkozy couldn't help expecting her head to start malfunctioning and reveal Arnold Schwarzeneggar underneath.

5. Hillary is disappointed to learn that 'the swap' was not Mrs Sarkozy.

Best of blue
"Hillary dear, in France women don't spit they swallow."

Best of Whacko
"So, Mr. Frenchie Frenchman, now that we have been at war with Libya for two days, have you surrendered yet?"

Best of Vinney
"Well, I've never"!
"Maybe, you should."

Best of Spineless Vertebra
Hilary in the process of revealing her true succubus form.

Best of Double the U
Hillary worked a good loogie and then Sarkozy told her there was no French custom of spitting in other people's mouths as a greeting, that the other guest were appalled at her actions.

Best of Submariner
Hillary learns that the phrase she thought meant "I am delighted to be here." actually means "I have three testicles."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Testing the new Hilary inflatable. Squeezing right arm makes bug eyes, left makes tongue stick out with raspberry sounds, push the boobs in and head bulges. Hugs trigger realistic farty sound! Sarkozy's ordering the X-rated model - no frumpy clothes, more features.

Best of Rodney Dill
Messin' with Snatchsquatch.

Best of Dr. Doom
"I agree completely that we can't afford to leave him in power, President Sarkozy", sympathized the Secretary of State, "But he is the duly elected President of the United States and he has two more years in his term"...

Threadwinner: Submariner
Watchu talkin' about, Willis?

Best of Adriane
"Out! OUT! Demons of Stupidity!", shouted the famous, but doomed French exorcist.

Best of Submariner
Then the Hill-Dawg's head turned a 360 and she asked for a crucifix...

Shake Hands With the Mighty Gonga!

From Al (By the way, much like the anticipated anti-aircraft fire above Klendathu (ORA), posting will be random and light. The day job is crushing me this week.)
1. "Don't sweat it, Moammar. I could never bomb a fellow Mus... a fellow human being."

2. "Wait! If you're Gaddafy, who did I just bow to?"

3. "Look, Mo, I'm sorry for what happened to your cows, but we had intelligence that that beach was a staging area."

4. "You look fabulous in those drapes, Moammar. M'Chel is so jealous."

5. Moammar was amazed that even after pulling all five fingers, Obama's farts scarcely made a sound.

Best of JohnS1959
"Hello again Moammar" greeted the President, "Speaking of carnage, how is your bracket doing? Louisville's loss in the first round is absolutely slaying mine"...

Best of Mr. Hankey
"Why yes Moammar, I do have some changes in mind that will involve you"

Best of jj
Chaiman zero, "So how is Jim Rockford, Angel?"

Best of blue
"OK you win Mr President, I'll give you 4 goats and six camels for M'Chel."

Best of Vinney
"Mr. President, your brackets suck. If I remember correctly you picked the Steelers over the Packers."

Best of divine miss m
Last time I saw fabric that tacky, it was the bedspread in a cheap hotel in an even-cheaper 70s porn film.

Best of Submariner
Tripoli, right? Can I trade in M'CHel for some smelly pirate hookers?

Best of Oiao
Obama: "Moammar! You could have at least, uh, respected me, um, by having a little African child on, ahh, your back! You have ruined our photo-op...."

Best of Double the U
So if I buy 100 boxes of Tag-a-Longs and 100 boxes of Lemon Chalet Cremes from Malia's girl scout troop and you will call your military off?

Best of dub
So we're agreed, you'll be Fashion Czar.

Best of metalgarth
I guess I missed the episode of the Simpsons where Carl met up with Corporal Klinger

Friday, March 18, 2011

Figures on a Beach


1. How bad was the tsunami? Kobe beef washes up on the shore of San Diego.

2. When training for Pamplona, it's best to start slowly.

3. Impervious to global events, Hillary, M'Chel, and some friends enjoy some "Me Time" on the beach.

4. "On second thought," J.J. Abrams decided, "Let's go with polar bears and a smoke monster."

5. "You blew it up! Gawd Damn You All to Hell!" The dramatic finale of Planet of the Cows.

Best of USMC2841
We will return to "Bloodbath at Normandy" sponsored by Chik-Fil-A after this brief message.

Best of prince of leaves
Bessie (center) thought bubble: "Dangit...can't enjoy a day at the nude beach without some body-shamed loser in a Speedo showing up."

Best of JohnS1959
Soviet Women's track and field Coach Dmitri Anatov, seen here in happier times relaxing at a Black Sea resort with his team.

Best of Double the U
Wow, Spring Break sure has changed, I guess we do have an obesity problem.

Best of Dactyl
It's a moo-nami. Get it?

Best of curly
Entrants of the “Michelle Obama Lookalike Contest” take a break in their grueling schedules and enjoy a relax afternoon at the beach.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
The stupid gringo didn't pay enough attention to the discount tour company's name: "Galápagos-like Adventures, where you cavort with sea cows!"

Best of Mr Hankey
Where The Cows Are

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Theez peezful creachurs bask in ze midday sun, blissfully unaware zat ze great Jacques Cousteau iz but an armz length away from zim. Truly, zey are magnizent creachurs. Az I slip back into ze oshun, I take one lazt look and wonder at ze marvelousness of eet all."

Best of Rodney Dill
Stunt doubles for Snooki at Jersey Shores.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Hey, has anyone seen Bessie lately?
Last I heard, she was hanging around Lady GaGa.
Uh oh.


Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Arrgh! My Eyes!

One Fish, Two Fish, Dead Fish, Blue Fish

<<...>>

1. And that is why Rosie O'Donnell is banned from Lake Manitotawoc

2. Ariel, Sebastian, and Flounder were sadly among the casualties.

3. Atheists point to the spontaneous emergence of Rosie O'Donnell from the primordial ooze as proof of Darwinian evolution.

4. The Axe Effect... for lesbians.

5. 'Ow to speak Australian: bouillabaisse.

Best of GregMan
Man, Justice Sotomayor's queefs are deadly!

Best of blue
"We evolved into that????"

Best of Mr. Hankey
Those Massengill commercials are getting even more graphic...

Best of Submariner
Crop out the top third of this photo and I imagine that this is what impending fertilization would look like to the ova...

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
In this photo, my assistant finishes exploring a mysterious black hole where all kids' dead goldfish end up after being flushed down toilets.

Best of prince of leaves
"Swim for your health, dear," Mr. Trowbridge said to his well-insured wife, as she backed slowly into the pool he'd stocked earlier with thousands of pirhana.

Threadwinner: prince of leaves
"It's sorta like dynamite fishing," Bertha explained, "only with cabbage."

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
Hillary leaving politics.

Best of Justin
From the unused photos taken to accompany the Helen Thomas interview in Playboy.


Best of Rodney Dill
Dat's how lutefisk is made, ya der hey.

Because St. Patrick's Day Falls on a Thursday

So it would be disturbing to wait until tomorrow to post this pic from Brender


1. On the left, the typical private sector employee pension. On the right, the typical unionized public employee pension. Not shown, the massive fiscal hangover.

2. As their relationship grew stale, Gerald Fitzpatrick (right) needed to get a lot more drunk to find Patrick Fitzgerald (left) spongeworthy.

3. You think this is bad, you should see the size of the spleef Gerald Fitzpatrick fires up on 4/20.

4. ORA: "Hey, Gerald, Norm's gonna be really pissed when he sees you drank his beer," Cliffy warned.

5. Dub needed a lot of beer goggling to cope with the morbidly obese Thursday babes.

Best of JohnS1959
I see the President is having another Beer Summit. Guess which one is the Union Rep and which one is Joe Taxpayer...

Best of Rodney Dill
The one on the right seems to be overcompensating for something.

Best of Submariner
Looks like Dirty Jobs is doing a show on dialysis donors...

Best of Submariner
Looks like that ain't the first time he gripped something like that and sucked the head off it. I'm just sayin'...

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
The Red Green Show is back with a St. Paddy's Day special!

Best of Spineless Vertebra
There's a joke about the ratio of their penis sizes in here somewhere....

Threadwinnuh: Mr Hankey
Guess which one is preparing for a date with Kathy Griffin tonight!!

Best of Vinneh
Tea time in Oz. And if you notice the pinkie is properly extended before the guzzle. But sadly the scones were served late.

Best of dadoctah
Why the tall/grande/venti system never caught on in Ireland.

Best of Rodney Dill
Some people take bigger doses of Arrogant Bastard Ale than others.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Clashing Motifs


1. "Piet Mondrian gets me SO hot!"

2. "Yeah! We're making out right in the middle of your Ash Wednesday Mass! Take that, Christers! Now, respect us and give us marriage rites or the shirts come off!"

3. "Father Houlihan is getting SO jealous."

4. "Let's make out here, where our clashing plaids will provide camouflage from the bullies."

5. The Vatican would come to regret appointing a 'Safe Cathedrals Czar.'

Best of GregMan
Nothing like a little Modernist Pr0n to get the juices flowing.

Best of Matt the K
Sulu misuses the holodeck to reimagine his high school days with Capt. Kirk.

Best of Submariner
Call me a clinger, but I don't think Ellen should be allowed to direct any more ABC After School Specials...

Best of dadoctah
"...and by the power vested in me by the Westboro Baptist Church, I pronounce you -- uh -- hold on, I've got the word for it here somewhere -- just a second...."

Best of Oiao
Meanwhile, back at the MSNBC set for the 1st Annual Rachel Maddow look alike danceathon for (enter bitter lesbian Progressive backwards cause name here)........

Best of prince of leaves
Inside the V mothership, Tyler is inaugurated into the secret inner rites of the Peace Ambassador Program.

Threadwinner: Spin
ORA: Judy tenuta's "My dad wears plaid" will not be sung at their wedding.

Best of Spineless Vertebra
"Love you too. Let's get ready for the Justin Bieber concert tonight."

Best of Dr. Doom
"Want to see my Elite Eight now", asked Phil?

Best of Adriane
Ang Lee's remake of Braveheart couldn't even get the Wallace clan tartan right ... but then, nobody goes to Ang Lee films for historical accuracy.

She actually has both of those outfits

Army of Mom


1. If you think the bride and groom are scary, wait 'til you see the ring bearer.

2. The only two viewers of Al Gore's Current TV network were married this week in SoHo.

3. ORA: "We're on our way to a 'come dressed like a Neil Gaiman character' party.

4. Keith Olbermann's unhappy viewers keep a lonely vigil outside MSNBC headquarters.

5. Soon after Raven and Moonblood's arrival in France, the anti-Burqa law was repealed in an emergency session of the Assembly.

Best of blue
"Lets see if they have a Taco Bell in this town."

Best of GregMan
Death definitely does not become her. Or him, for that matter.

Best of Adriane
I know Hollywood is running out of ideas, but zombie Emma Peel and John Steed?!?

Threadwinner: dadoctah
Electra Woman and Dyna Girl have really let themselves go.

Best of Jack Reacher
So now Ang Lee is remaking "The Great Gatsby," I see.

Best of prince of leaves
The first rule of Taco Bell Tranny Fight Club: there is no Taco Bell Tranny Fight Club.

Best of Matt the K
All else being equal, the one with bigger t!ts gets to wear the bra...

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
TSA airport guards live for days like this.

Best of JohnS1959
Meet the Seargeant at Arms and the Majority Whip of the Berkley, CA City Council...

Best of metalgarth
With any luck that's the arena where "2 freakazoids enter and no freakazoids leave"

Kickin' Off Tuesday with a Tranny Fight at Taco Bell

Ace

Language Warning, Monors. NSFW

Monday, March 14, 2011

Pull!


1. The Palestinian version of The Office is punctuated by Mohammed al-Scott's tagline: "That's what she said, so I had her stoned to death for her blasphemies."

2. "Aieeee, Allahzilla!"

3. "Let me guess, you crapped your pants during the last Zionist attack and now you are stuck to your chair. Am I right?"

4. Even after the Apocalypse, Staples will be there for all your office supply needs.

5. "Here come the Zionist Apaches; I call dibs on the ensuing chair swarm."

Best of GregMan
"I believe you have my stapler, infidel!"

Best of blue
"hey Achmed - did you hear that Owsley is dead?"
"No way, damn - he made the best Orange Barrel, sorry to see him go."

Best of mpur
And now, Achmed will demonstrate the terrorists lack of understanding of basic physics.

Best of Jack Reacher
Everyone knew that one day Jim would push Dwight just a little too far.

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
"If I get the angle just right, the recoil will scoot me about eight feet straight back. Or flip me over on my head. Either way, we're going to have some laughs!"

Best of Submariner
JACKASS: Pali Edition

Best of Mr. Hankey
Crazy Abdul is shooting down prices at Office World

Meanwhile, Back in Crapistan


Free Republic via Al



1. "The new weapons have arrived from the ATF. Praise Allah!"

2. Nice camo, Ahmed. Do you see a frakking tree within 800 miles of your position?

3. ROFLMAOWFMAKAAZ. (Roll on Floor Laughing My Ass Off While Firing My AK Aimlessly At Zionists)

4. (Guy on left) "Dude, have you ever looked at your hands? I mean, really, really looked at your hands?"

5. "Here at Crazy Abdul's, we're taking aim at high prices on used pick-ups and Hyundais."

6. Morticia and Gomez were secretly pleased when Thing joined the Intifadah.

Threadwinner: dub
(Guy on left) OMG a double rainbow.... *sobs*...its so, so, beautiful.... *sobs*... look at it... oooooh....*sobs*.....

Best of metalgarth
"The B Team"

Best of jj
Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum in Independence Day II. Never really caught on...

Best of Submariner
Let me know when I have the angle right and my glorious rounds begin falling in the Zionist Day Care!

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Terrorist Casual Fridays are way cooler than in any Manhattan office. They let their rags down, shoot at clouds and totally skip that pray to Mecca stuff. Good Times!

Best of Jack Reacher
"To your left, Ahmed. Do you not see it? It's the cloud that looks like a pig. Shoot it! It's haram!"

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
This week on "Jihadi's Funniest Videos:" Buttstock meets ballsack and mayhem ensues!

Best of Dr. Doom
The Libyan Biathlon Team still needs a lot of work...

Best of Vinney
"On the next episode of Top Shot each team member fires from the call to prayer position."

Look for the Union Dingbat

Freep via Al, who notes: "Ruger just announced they are coming out with a new pistol in honor of the Wisconsin protests. It will be called the Union Worker; it doesn't work and you can't fire it."


1. (Standard Caption #1) "Ia! Ia! Cthulu Fhtagn!"

2. The troopers silently debated who smelled worse, the hippie or the elderly, unwashed mule-farmer with irritable bowels behind her who had just eaten four full plates of kim chi.

3. Meanwhile, the sane part of America wondered, "Why can't we just bring in some bulldozers and Rachel Corrie these people?"

4. Flashing back to Woodstock, the aging hippie calls out for 'Freebird' to a band that now exists only in the drug-addled haze of her mind.

5. "Goddess Gaia, I pray that in your infinite peacefulness and mercy that you will have all Republican's faces gnawed off by rats."

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
Sherri's Lenin impersonation would have been letter perfect if only she'd been willing to shave off her hair and let her goatee grow.

Best of GregMan
After years of not shaving her pits, Loretta still can't understand why men flee like frightened antelope from her upraised arms.

Best of Dr. Doom
Even a reading from the Book of Armaments couldn't eliminate the shame of the protesters. And the Lord did grin...

Best of HLam
"Hmm, I don't know, let's take a quick measurement. YES! My a$$ IS bigger than the rotunda dome."

Best of Rodney Dill
pies lesu domine (THWACK) dona eis requiem (THWACK)

Best of jj
Bald guy in lower left, "Look, a Wendy's coupon" at which time Michael Moore immediately tackled the guy, sending him and six others to the ICU.

Best of dadoctah
And everyone agreed it was the most memorable performance of Nessun Dorma they'd ever heard.

Best of Jack Reacher
"During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!"

Best of prince of leaves
"Ruuuuuuoooaaaaahhhhhh!" When the protestor pointed at him and let out an unearthly shriek, Meade Althouse knew he had been outed as not being one of *them*.

Best of Vinney
The crowd started to disperse when Karen told the union thugs there was free coffee and donuts in the breakroom.

Best of Submariner
Minnie expresses her displeasure at Kobe's lack of response to "I'm open."

Threadwinner: Mr. Hankey
Julie holds up the lyrics for the flash crowd performance of Shirley & Company's 1974 international disco hit.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

RetroSoap Saturday: ObamaCare Edition



1. "I guess the surgery was a success. So, can I still call you 'dad' or would you prefer 'my other mom?'"

2."You mean, one of the little bastards lobbed a paper wad so hard it lodged in your skull?"

3. "I was sure that Death Panel would have voted by now, I wonder what the hold up is."

4. "So, what is it this time, mom? Syphilis or heroin withdrawal?"

5. "So, the diagnosis is, you swallowed a fly and perhaps you'll die?"

Best of dadoctah
This week, on a very special Hot In Cleveland, Valerie Bertinelli drops in on Gabrielle Giffords.

Best of Submariner
Jon Edwards was pretty much happy with his surgery results. With the exception of the dry listless hair, of course...

Best of Jack Reacher
"I don't care if he calls you a goddess, Mom, you can not keep partying with Charlie Sheen."

Best of Matt the K
Tonight, on a very special Laverne & Shirley Reunion, Laverne's daughter learns the truth about 'Uncle' Squiggy.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Don't bother pushing that CALL button, Aunt Mae, I coldcocked the nurse on the way in. No hard feelings, but I had today in the death pool, so close your eyes and count to 10.

Best of Submariner
A simple mix up, really, Mrs. Mueller. You're throat will be scratchy for a few days and won't ever have to suffer tonsilitis. And little Shenaynay Washington won't have to worry about Planned Parenthood recommending an abortion.Ever.

See? Everybody wins...

Best of metalgarth
This week on 'House'. An episode just as stupid as the last 2 that have been shown.

Threadwinner: Double the U
It is so nice that Maureen Dowd can visit the one person that think she is a brilliant writer while she is in the hospital.

Best of jimmy
Daughter Lily's thoughtbubble: "Okay, that's $1000 apiece for the corneas; a cool $500k for the heart; probably $300K for each kidney....too bad she's such a lush, or we'd get two mil for the liver. I wonder if anybody would take those sculpted nails?"

Best of GregMan
ORA: "Yeah, Ma, I know my birth certificate says 'Clonus Corporation', so?"

Best of Oiao
"Promise you won't eat the Soylent Green for two weeks after the Death Board pulls the plug."

Best of JohnS1959
"Sue, I have discovered the one good thing about Obamacare", said Sheila, "I don't get put in a double room with those annoying Canadians and their 'I can't wait fifteen months for my transplant' and their 'I can't travel all the way to Calgary for my knee replacement - eh hoser' stories any more"...

Best of Vinney
"When you passed out we got you to the nearest hospital."
"A hospital. What is it"?
"It's a big building with a lot of patients inside, but that's not important right now."

Best of Mr. Hankey
I'm sorry you don't like the giant cochlear implant stuck on the side of your head - but that's what Obama-care paid for...

The Former Ladder


1. "The view of the cheerleaders is way-y-y-y-y-y-y better from up here."

2. "My situation is precarious, but I'm still looking down on everybody else; I must be a Californian."

3. ORA: "First I play with Kobe, then Mommy came, and I play with Mommy. We play Daddy! We had a awfully good time! Now, I want to play with YOU"

4. "The Safe School Czar will never get me up here, especially with his Achilles tendon sliced open."

5. With the entire maintenance staff on strike, Wisconsin elementary schools resort to scab labor.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Uh, Dad, you lied to avoid work, you lazy bum. This OSHA warning label about the top step does NOT exclude kids, so let me down!

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Yep, Mrs. Robinson, that ballast will definitely need to be replaced. Uh, now to broach a delicate subject, but how do you intend to pay for all of this work?"

And then, the bow-chikka-wow-wow music kicked in...

Best of Jack Reacher
"Yeah, I can cut him down. Kinda pointless now, though. I'm just sayin'."

Best of dadoctah
They say something snapped inside Mr Wizard the day he offered "Timmy, let me teach you about gravity".

Best of Submariner
'Twas a nitch job at best, but in these tough economic times, Billy was happy to be the Kotex-changer for the 50 ft woman.

Best of Vinney
"Do you think Selena Gomez would go for a precocious electrician"?

Threadwinnner: Mr Hankey
Little Kyle's new girlfriend Yoko kept telling him to climb a ladder to see her art.

Best of Spin
"Wow, ennui looks a lot different from way up here"

Friday, March 11, 2011

Life in Plastic, It's Fantastic

Mark Steyn@NRO



Best of metalgarth
the truly sick intercourses of the world are looking for this kind of girl on girl action.

Best of Double the U
"Unrealistic" in what way?

Best of blue
Damn, the one in the middle is hot!!

Best of GregMan
Huge cans, small brain... now if we can just tape her mouth shut we'd have the perfect woman.

Best of Oiao
Amazon Shrunken Head Barbie was not noted for significant oral talent but had other attributes that made up for it.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Bleached Blonde. No Brains. Big Fake Boobs. They're a dime a dozen all over southern California.

Best of Vinney
"OK Sarah, here's the plan. We'll use her for the HOV lane and on weekends we'll pimp her out to the Omega guys. It's a win-win situation."

Best of prince of leaves
"...and with our proposed grant, we plan to build whirling-blade-of-death 'hands', and then animate the completed golem and release her to wreak sweet, sweet justice on the male oppressors in our community."

Best of prince of leaves
The multi-function tool arbors on its arms were not the only upgrade to the latest version of NASA's "Robonaut", scheduled for delivery to the lonely and isolated astronauts on the ISS by the final Shuttle flight.

Best of Submariner
I guess my fantasies of Barbie giving a little head were on target, no matter HOW sick they were, eh?

Best AfterSchool Special Ever


1. The Girl Whose Weren't as Firm and Perky as the Other Girls, an ABC AfterSchool Special.

2. "So, you wanna wrestle on the floor and toss our hair around or something?"

3. ORA: If Joss Whedon had anything to do with this, the girl on the right is about to kick some serious ass.

4. European condom ads are the best!

5, "Mrs. LeTourneau stole my boyfriend, too. I say we cut that b-tch."

Best of Vinney
"That sucks. Hooters turned me down too. I don't understand it."

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
"...and if you are good at it, men will give you money!"

Best of Jack Reacher
I see someone's planning on being a union organizer when she gets older.

Best of GregMan
The new NPR after-school special, Heather Has Two Strap-Ons, was an immediate hit in the offices of the Safe Schools Czar.

Best of HLam
"Yeah, Mom, I hid your Vodka bottle in the old tire in the back of our trailer park. Did you have to follow me all the way to school to ask me that?"

Best of blue
"Your grandfather is Ray Bradbury?? No way!!
I'd sure like to f*ck him...."

Best of Rodney Dill
So Billy Jo, ever seen a grown woman naked?

Best of jj
Girl on left, "Sure I'll take you to the party. After a couple of lines, Charlie Sheen doesn't care..."

Best of Spineless Vertebra
"Look, how 'bout we settle this dispute like ladies. Let's just go on a talk show and discuss it on a couch with our legs crossed and hands on our knees."

Meanwhile, on another couch


1. "Chatting on the couch is so awkward, you wanna wrestle on the floor or something?"

2. "No kidding? You're also interviewing to be Mr. Sheen's personal biyatch?"

3. "This couch will be perfect for our farting contest."

4. "Well, I've interned for Elena Kagan and Janet Napolitano, so, you bet your sweet ass I know how to use a strap-on."

5. "So, is this your first time at Planned Parenthood?"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Aren't we little hypocrites? Have you noticed how we stare at and talk to each others' chests, too?

Best of USMC2841
Many women were confused by Apples unveiling of the "maxIPAD".

Best of Jack Reacher
"We need to come to some sort of agreement. Twitter will only allow one account called SKANK69."

Best of Vinney
"Yes, at Excaliber Escorts we do have a dental plan."

Best of dadoctah
"So, how long are we supposed to sit here smiling politely at each other before we yield to our natural impulses and tear each other's throats out?"

Best of Submariner
"So what do YOU use on your "heaviest of flow" days?" - Typical feminine conversation according to Madison Ave execs.

Best of Mr Hankey
I don't know why more of our gay friends didn't show up when told them we were going to a Tea Party??

Wednesday, March 09, 2011

Portrait of the Unionized Public Employee Earning His Salary and Bennies

Van Helsing


1. And then the Taxpayers' Heads Exploded.

2. "Sorry, Ma'am, this is a little out of our expertise. Have you tried calling Greenpeace?"

3. "Poor fella, read his manifesto and got all tuckered out."

4. "Did Mr. Grimmis have any enemies? The Hamburglar? Mayor McCheese? The Fry Guys?"

5. "Oh, you can ignore that. It's just our Scare-dub."

Best of HLam
"We were going to trace a line around that dead body but there's not enough chalk in the cruiser."

Best of Wesley M.
"Seriously, when was the last time five of us cops could stand around some guy splayed out on the ground not have to be afraid of the camera? Cherish the moment, gentlemen. Cherish. The. Moment."

Best of Dr. Doom
Hard day at the public trough, eh buddy?

Best of Adriane
Well I for one, am grateful that he's not European and he's not at the beach ...

Best of Submariner
Killed me Mal; killed me with a salami.

Best of Vinney
"Is anyone here a marine biologist?!"
a la Seinfeld

Best of Oiao
Quick! Someone roll him over and save the little black kid he is crushing!

Best of blue
So, did that Tsunami wash anything up here?

Rodney's Idea, my execution
Oh the huge manatee

Best of dub
And then Dawn's scale exploded.

Best of Matt the K
I for one welcome our bloated, slothful, dirty-footed Overlords.

Best of Submariner
So what's up with Stills, Nash and Young?

The Couch Potatoes

Brender


1. "So, how was your date with that Dahmer fella?"

2. Actually, the straw hats are the fetish. The Saran Wrap was just a weird kitchen accident.

3. Under ObamaCare, skin grafts were considered too costly for burn victims.

4. Lakeview High School presents its spring musical, Weekend at Bernie's.

5. A douchebag enters its pupa stage and will emerge in twelve months as a fully-formed frat boy.

Best of Rodney Dill
Lady Gaga's date

Best of Dr. Doom
The Donner Party discovers tamales...

Best of GregMan
Well I see everything's all wrapped up here.

Best of jj
Can you guess which one of Hilliary's interns screwed up on the job and will be found in Ft. Marcy park

Best of Spineless Vertebra
When did Dexter Morgan start letting people hang out with his victims before he chopped them up?

Best of Spineless Vertebra
I'd do crazy things too if I smoked joints as big as the one on the floor.

Best of prince of leaves
Luckily for the pod people, the frat brothers had never seen "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" and had no idea what the vaguely-humanoid vegetable really was.

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

Cos and Hef

Al

1. "I'm not sure why we're here on a Tuesday, Hef, but I'm sure it has something to do with your hat."

2. Cos pitches an idea for a show on the Playboy Channel: Whores Say the Darnedest Things.

3. "Anyway, Bill, at my age, I have to keep some nubile girls around at all time in case I need some swabbing on the old poop deck."

4. Bill Cosby and Hugh Hefner were married earlier this week in a traditional Scientology ceremony.

5. "No, Hef. I refuse to quote Cleavon Little solely for your amusement."

Best of blue
Boy, the skipper & Gilligan has sure changed!

Best of metalgarth
"She put the Jello Pudding Pop where????????"

Best of Mr. Hankey
Cos and Weird Hefner take a pose

Best of Vinney
Time hasn't been kind to The Captain and Tennille.

Best of Rodney Dill
Hef: "You just have to pronounce 'pudding' differently to be my spokesperson."

Best of dadoctah
Turn-ons: cuddling, the beach, long walks in the rain.
Dislikes: dishonest people, arresting someone just for stealing a piece of pound cake.

Best of Wesley M.
After yet another delightful fundraiser, Alcee Hastings thanks Hugh Hefner for his continued support...

Best of Snowdog
Re #5: Come on, Hef. You'd loan Viagra and Miss March to Randolph Scott.

Best of Spineless Vertebra
"Hey Jamal, you should hop on my back like you use to always do when we were kids"

Boob Fight!



1. So, Subby, how do you like your prom dates so far?

2. Sarah and Emma once again come to blows over 'Kirk v Picard'

3. But are they Bill's interns or Hillary's?

4. Two skanks enter! One skank leaves! Two skanks enter! One skank leaves!

5. The ultimate geek fantasy; two moderately hot skanks re-enact the fight between Frodo and Samwise.

Best of prince of leaves
The Henderson Twins never could handle their booze -- probably because they shared a single, conjoined liver.

Best of prince of leaves
Dr. McCoy had to admit, he sorta liked this particular transporter malfunction.

Threadwinner: metalgarth
Does anyone really scour the internet for 'lukewarm girl on girl action'?

Best of blue
Outtakes from the rejected TV commercial for strap-ons

Best of Dactyl
The cellphone is there in case Dub calls.

Monday, March 07, 2011

Hand Jive

Brender

1. "Whoa, back up sailor. Three ways are an extra $50."

2. "I see Mr. Newsom's head lice have ignited something of a forest fire."

3. "I just wanted you to know, Mr. President, I haven't had a gag reflex since the seventh grade." "Shut up, Newsom. I'm... um... talking to the lady."

4. "Mr. President, when the Teleprompter reads '[jazz hands]' you do this, you don't just play with your crotch."

5. "My apologies, Mr. President, I was just going to update you on the latest turmoil in Libya. By all means, proceed with your golf game."

Best of Double the U
Ok boys, enough with the bending over bowing everyone knows you both are good at it.

Best of blue
"Why Mr President - are you starring at my tits or just looking for your teleprompter??"

Best of jj
Mr. President, he is much better at it than I am. Did you see him with that microphone?

Best of Schteveo
Put that thing away Mr President!! I believed it was bigger than his,no need to show me.

Best of prince of leaves
"In short, sir, we're just not going to be able to hide the truth any longer: none of us in your administration has *any* idea what we're doing."

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
"...Then, as President Calderon descends the stairway, you'll both take three steps back and bow simultaneously as he walks between you..."

Threadwinner: Spineless Vertebra
"Um, Mr. President, talk to the hand is only an expression... and my hand won't actually speak back to you."

Best of Submariner
She: "No, thank you. Fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruben."
Gavin's thought bubble; "Not MINE Mr. President, not mine..."

He Came For The Protests, He Stayed For the Deep Fried Fatballs



1. "Bring me Solo and the Wookie!"

2. "All your twinkies are belong to me!"

3. Having Michael Moore show up at the protest was a brilliant move. By standing between the protesters and the cameras and acting as a gravitational lens, he created the illusion the crowd was twice the size it actually was.

4. The only thing more fat and bloated than a union pension plan shows up in Madison.

5. Moore couldn't wait to read his manifesto to the crowd. Not surprisingly, the phrase "grilled cheese" appeared more than 34,000 times.

Best of Rodney Dill
"That's no moon...."

Best of Submariner
...and then we're going to McDonald's; and then were marching on Wendy's; and then we're hitting Whattaburger; YEEEAAARRRGGGHH!

Best of metalgarth
Comic Book Guy's support for the Madison County Moonbats ended once he found out they prefered DC Comics to Marvel.

Best of GregMan
"Wisconsin, get in mah bellah!"

Threadwinner: Jack Reacher
"I have in my hand a list of five hundred kulaks who are hoarding property belonging to the proletariat. Let's get them! Wait--is that a Wendy's over there?"

Best of Vinney
CBS announces Michael Moore will now be starring in Two and a Half Men. The rest of the cast is fired.

Best of blue
"Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy - I am the center of attention again!"

Best of Snowdog
Everyone should use union labor. (Under his breath: Unless of course they are making a "documentary" about the evils of capitalism.)

Best of JohnS1959
An inconvenient truth: According to Algore Micheal Moore's flatulence has more impact on global warming than all of the reindeer in Finland...

Best of Adriane
Whale, whale, whale ... if it isn't Micheal Moore ....