1. In an alternate universe where people's position in society is based solely on personal merit, Michelle Obama laments that the $9.98 hair straighteners were all sold out by the time she got to the WalMart.
2. "And just why do those racist crackers call it Black Friday?" Shaneeque demanded of no one in particular.
3. In her drug-addled haze, Whitney Houston wonders where the rest of her entourage went and when the video shoot starts.
4. The worst part is, everyone assumes from her LDYGAGA license plate that she's a gay man.
5. I never realized it until know, but the Boob Belt is essential to pulling off the M'Chel Obama "throw on a bunch of random ugly clothes" look.
Best of HLam
Shaneeque heads for the door smuggling a 60" Wide Screen in her jammie bottoms.
Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Thawtbubble: Oh dangit, they're out of the extra heavy duty jumbo vibrator batteries!
Best of prince of leaves
After the unfortunate incident in the abandoned WalMart, Columbus added another rule: "Just because it shuffles and speaks incoherently, it doesn't mean it's a zombie."