Friday, December 09, 2011

Spock Prepares to Eat a Baby

Schneider


1. "Yeah, good luck getting child support in Roddenberry's moneyless utopia."

2. "So, Bones can heal a wounded Horta but he botches a simple abortion? Most illogical."

3. One of Spock's less pleasant duties was dealing with Jim Kirk's many, many paternity suits. Once again, he sets his phaser to "Disintegrate."

4. Spock travels in time to drop young baby Katherine Janeway on her head and save Starfleet from the Worst Captain Evah! Unfortunately, he failed to consider the causality loop.

5.Ann Dunham's other mixed baby was similarly destructive to the Vulcan economy and society.

41 comments:

resume writers said...

hehe very very cool

mpur said...

No! I said DOCTOR Spock!

GregMan said...

"Just tell everyone his father is from Kenya and leave Vulcan the hell out of it."

Rodney Dill said...

Dammit Jim, I'm a Science Officer, not a wet nurse.

Rodney Dill said...

Boldly going where no man has gone before.

Rodney Dill said...

"....AND WHAT THE HELL'S THAT SMELL!!!!"

Rodney Dill said...

My error, I forgot to tell you Vulcan babies are born with a full set of very sharp teeth.

metalgarth said...

1 day after after suggesting a "sci fi" crossover sketch to Allen Brady, Rob Petri stood in line for his unemployment check.

metalgarth said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
metalgarth said...

In the next "special edition" of The Empire Strikes Back, Vader says "No, Luke, Spock is your father"

metalgarth said...

"Sulu is the father? Highly illogical"

Double the U said...

After their meeting, Carol Burnett never tugged on her ear again.

Double the U said...

Spock can be seen here performing the not-so-famous Vulcan circumcision.

prince of leaves said...

"We need a cover story, Spock. Mind meld with them and make Betty and Barney believe they were abducted by aliens from Zeta Reticuli -- I always hated those lizardoid bastards."

prince of leaves said...

"Um, Spock? I'd say you did a little more than mind-meld while the two of you were drunk that night."

prince of leaves said...

Going for the obvious: "Phaser/communicator/deflector/universal translator/warp core/transporter? I never even touched her!"

dadoctah said...

It won't live. It was born wearing a red shirt.

Dr. Doom said...

The Vulcan metabolic cycle requires them to mate every seven years - no matter what. This leads to unfortunate but predictable results...

Dr. Doom said...

The little known origin of the Ferengi...

Dactyl said...

One of these days... TO THE MOON, UHURA!!

Dactyl said...

In order to quiet the wailing infant, Spock applied a Vulcan neck-pinch, thus causing it to grow up to become Pauly Shore.

jimmy said...

Spock: "I've come to take the miniature human back to his home planet."

Carol: "Thank God! Tim Conway has been getting on my nerves for fifteen years."

straight8 said...

Lucy, you got some 'splainin' to do.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

StarDatingTips Log 23.4.912
Spock attempts the highly controversial Vulcan Breast Meld, only to discover that even in the 20th Century the darned females usually wouldn't cooperate without a free dinner and movie first.

Dr. Doom said...

Later in a quiet moment on the bridge McCoy asks Spock how she was. Spock replied, "Wow she was really hotty!"

dadoctah said...

"No, ma'am, that's not the proper way to handle dilithium."

dadoctah said...

"Congratulations! It's a Romulan!"

jj said...

How Sheldon Cooper envisions his childhood.

WV: stdroo....the disease you get after having sex with a kangaroo

Matt the K said...

Carol's slackjawed expression was not part of the bit...she happened to see Sulu fluffing Waggoner stage right.

Matt the K said...

With quick rewrite, and Nimoy's boots below his pantalooned knees, "Spock on Golf" became a huge hit.

Matt the K said...

"You don't like 'Klingon Uranus Spock'??? Fine, we'll just go with 'Todd' then...

Matt the K said...

"I too find the extreme height of the striped wall in your tiny apartment highly illogical."

Matt the K said...

"My actions are reprehensible, for I have failed to offer the earth saying "Don't go in there" after depositing a massive photon dump in your rectal waste receptacle."

Matt the K said...

When vulcanized rubber fails.

dadoctah said...

Because attempts to repeal the fourteenth amendment were unsuccessful, Spock's "anchor baby" meant he could stay in the country indefinitely.

Anonymous said...

The Sci-Fi Variety show was just another dumb idea from the Mind of CBS.

Vinneh

Spineless Vertebrae said...

Oh now its an alien who falls in love and has a baby with a human? I'm starting to catch a trend in these Stephenie Meyer books.

Submariner said...

ORA;

I'll take you home again, Kathleen...

Submariner said...

I.SEE.A.FREAKIN.BUNCH.OF.LIGHTS!

Submariner said...

Yeah?
Well New York ain't no city on the edge of forever, bub!

Submariner said...

KAHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNN!



Can't believe that was still available at number 41!