Friday, December 23, 2011

Scenes from the War on Christmas

The Brigade


1. Santa finally decided coal was too good for all those motherfrackers on the Naughty List.

2. "'Happy Holidays' my ass you secularist motherfrackers!"

3. Michael Bay remakes 'Miracle on 34th Street.'

4. Ambushed in Detroit, Santa digs in and calls for close air support.

5. Santa almost made it out, but then someone made a racist comment, Dawn's head exploded, and shrapnel caught him right in the giblets.

26 comments:

blue said...

Santa was happy to grant Abdul Mubdi's wish of 72 virgins.

HLam said...

"What luck! 8 Reindeer all at once! I'm gonna need something a little bigger to bring them all down at once."

Spineless Vertebrae said...

Call of Duty: Christmas Edition

prince of leaves said...

After the spate of Red Rider-related lawsuits, Santa took a more hands-on role in quality control.

prince of leaves said...

* Holographic sights and armor-piercing rounds sold separately.

Dr. Doom said...

Even Santa hates going to the mall this time of year...

Dr. Doom said...

"Eat lead Fluffy you filthy rodent", muttered Santa as he rocked the Easter Bunny's world with the SAW...

Dr. Doom said...

"And now for a musical interlude", quipped Santa, "I shot Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen; Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen. But the most famous reindeer of all, I tied up in Enumclaw..."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Santa's Thawtbubble: "Just like pizza shops and cabs, you must serve Section 8 housing complexes whether you want to or not." Damn the ACLU!! This is messing up my timetable. Serenity NOW!!

-OR-

bzzz SLEIGH ONE! SLEIGH ONE! Meeting heavy resistance, Rudy. crackle Circle round and take out that yellow Camero lowrider in the parking lot north of my position! Damned illegals. crackle bzzz

Spineless Vertebrae said...

Santa tries to fit in with his Detroit fan base.

Submariner said...

Why did you THINK it's called "Red Cell?"

Submariner said...

Santa gets the towle heads to duck behind a Mercedes in order to grant little Ahmed's Christmas wish for a car swarm.

Submariner said...

Hey, Pete; what's the legal limit on reindeer?

Blitzen said...

Sadly, those who wish for "world peace" have no idea of what it takes to achieve that goal.

GregMan said...

What happens when those kids don't get off Santa's lawn.

jimmy said...

Santa is forced to pull out the heavy artillery in order to get the last pair of Michael Jordan sneakers out of the Galleria Mall.

Dactyl said...

When little Billy asked Santa for some 7.62 rounds for his daddy, he probably should have specified IN A BOX!!

Submariner said...

How Bad Santa handles little ones that wet on him...

Submariner said...

"When Santa 'up the chimney he rose/ only to find Enumclaw-ites having their way with his sleigh-pullers; well, wouldn't you kind of snap also?"
The Defense begins to build its insanity defense.

jj said...

Well if Best Buy wants a war with Santa, war it is!

Jack Reacher said...

"This will teach them to storm the doors like animals to fight over Playstations."

curly said...

♪ Hescos roasting as I open fire..♫

mpur said...

The war on Christmas escalates.

Submariner said...

ORA

Take that, Panzer Clause!

Army of Dad said...

ORA
They shocked Santa's balls.

Hunnybuns said...

Santa's Slay