1. Santa finally decided coal was too good for all those motherfrackers on the Naughty List.
2. "'Happy Holidays' my ass you secularist motherfrackers!"
3. Michael Bay remakes 'Miracle on 34th Street.'
4. Ambushed in Detroit, Santa digs in and calls for close air support.
5. Santa almost made it out, but then someone made a racist comment, Dawn's head exploded, and shrapnel caught him right in the giblets.
26 comments:
Santa was happy to grant Abdul Mubdi's wish of 72 virgins.
"What luck! 8 Reindeer all at once! I'm gonna need something a little bigger to bring them all down at once."
Call of Duty: Christmas Edition
After the spate of Red Rider-related lawsuits, Santa took a more hands-on role in quality control.
* Holographic sights and armor-piercing rounds sold separately.
Even Santa hates going to the mall this time of year...
"Eat lead Fluffy you filthy rodent", muttered Santa as he rocked the Easter Bunny's world with the SAW...
"And now for a musical interlude", quipped Santa, "I shot Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen; Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen. But the most famous reindeer of all, I tied up in Enumclaw..."
Santa's Thawtbubble: "Just like pizza shops and cabs, you must serve Section 8 housing complexes whether you want to or not." Damn the ACLU!! This is messing up my timetable. Serenity NOW!!
-OR-
bzzz SLEIGH ONE! SLEIGH ONE! Meeting heavy resistance, Rudy. crackle Circle round and take out that yellow Camero lowrider in the parking lot north of my position! Damned illegals. crackle bzzz
Santa tries to fit in with his Detroit fan base.
Why did you THINK it's called "Red Cell?"
Santa gets the towle heads to duck behind a Mercedes in order to grant little Ahmed's Christmas wish for a car swarm.
Hey, Pete; what's the legal limit on reindeer?
Sadly, those who wish for "world peace" have no idea of what it takes to achieve that goal.
What happens when those kids don't get off Santa's lawn.
Santa is forced to pull out the heavy artillery in order to get the last pair of Michael Jordan sneakers out of the Galleria Mall.
When little Billy asked Santa for some 7.62 rounds for his daddy, he probably should have specified IN A BOX!!
How Bad Santa handles little ones that wet on him...
"When Santa 'up the chimney he rose/ only to find Enumclaw-ites having their way with his sleigh-pullers; well, wouldn't you kind of snap also?"
The Defense begins to build its insanity defense.
Well if Best Buy wants a war with Santa, war it is!
"This will teach them to storm the doors like animals to fight over Playstations."
♪ Hescos roasting as I open fire..♫
The war on Christmas escalates.
ORA
Take that, Panzer Clause!
ORA
They shocked Santa's balls.
Santa's Slay
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