Monday, November 28, 2011

Teleprompter on Dead Tree


1. Note: "Beware of a fat bearded guy with hipster hornrims."

2. Note: "Hi there, Barry. Remember me? Chicago bath house, August 2005? Let's just say Solyndra gets $535 Mil and this remains our little secret, K?"

3. Note: "wE HaVe YR TelePromptER. We Demand $500M in cash by MiDNight."

4. "See! My, um, tax reform would also, um... fit... on a postcard. It just says, um... 1. How much did you make? 2. Send it in."

5. Obama's 3x5's just contained the talking point "Republicans suck" accompanied by crude drawings of genitalia.

Best of Double The U
 You must make copies and pass this note to ten legislators and positive things will happen in your life.

Best of racerboy
    "...and I'm Barack Obama. Go fuck yourself, San Diego."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Best of andthenblammo!
    And my fortune is: 'President of US with hole in pocket feel cocky all day!"

Best of GregMan
    "Meet me in the men's room at 6PM. Love, George Takei."

Best of Kaptain Krude
ORA: "Sir, you are in great danger. This kook by the name of Johnny Smith thinks he can see the future, and is trying to kill you. Follow me, and I'll take you to safety, President Stillson."

Best of Dr. Doom
The worst part of being Chris Matthews' intern was delivering his love notes by hand...

17 comments:

Double The U said...

You must make copies and pass this note to ten legislators and positive things will happen in your life.

racerboy said...

"How do you keep a moron busy?
See other side..."

racerboy said...

"...and I'm Barack Obama. Go fuck yourself, San Diego."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Nappy haired girl, please step aside and let our token white boy COME ON DOWN and play The Price is Right!

-OR-

Johnny Dingle? Congratulations, the ACLU's been whining that too many illegals have been deported, so you've been chosen as the first white citizen to be kicked out of the country! Why? Just because we can.

WordVerify: pertstic - Boobies drooping? Nipples catatonic? Just one touch of Ron Popeil's Electrified Pertstic will have your saucy little puppies standing at attention all day long!

andthenblammo! said...

And my fortune is: 'President of US with hole in pocket feel cocky all day!"

andthenblammo! said...

"...........And, um, I personally, uh, read letters from, uh, Americans with, um, concerns; This one begins, uh, Dear SCOAMF.....??"

dadoctah said...

"What do you want? They made me turn in my Blackberry at the inauguration."

GregMan said...

"Meet me in the men's room at 6PM. Love, George Takei."

GregMan said...

"Your fly is unzipped."

Kaptain Krude said...

"'You're... a ... Jive-ass ... turnkey.' What? That doesn't make any sense. What does a prison guard have to do with being 'jive-ass', young man?"

Kaptain Krude said...

ORA: "Sir, you are in great danger. This kook by the name of Johnny Smith thinks he can see the future, and is trying to kill you. Follow me, and I'll take you to safety, President Stillson."

Kaptain Krude said...

ORA: "That's not how you spell 'fellatio'."

jj said...

Instructions for Presidential Urination:

1. Find Men's room;
2. Find empty urinal;
3. Unzip pants;
4. Admire unusually small penis with Presidential Seal on it;
5. Urinate;
6. Wipe off shoes;
7. Tip Secret Service Agent.

Submariner said...

"That wasn't chicken in your lunch today at the Red Dragon ..."

Submariner said...

"Dirty Sanchez?"
You, um, don't LOOK, uh, Latino...

Dr. Doom said...

The worst part of being Chris Matthews' intern was delivering his love notes by hand...

Kaptain Krude said...

"Jobs I am qualified to have in 2013"