Monday, November 21, 2011

Mittens Are Hysterical


1. "Whew-Eee! That was a beauty! I told you guys, no one can pass gas like the Mittster!"

2."OK, I got almost through 'This health care law will save money and provide coverage for millions...' without cracking up. Let me try again."

3. "... We call it, 'The Aristocrats!'"


4. "Stop laughing, you guys! I really am a conservative! And I can beat Obama! Cut it out!"

5. "And then Jerry guessed her name was 'Mulva.' Funniest damn thing I ever saw."Best of Rodney Dill
Damn Ted... You look pretty good for a dead guy.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Everyone laughed when dead Kennedy the zombie staggered into the room growling "Feed me brains" and Mitt's witty retort was "You'll starve if you expect to find any in a roomful of politicians!"

Best of Jack Reacher
"Budget-busting? Well, we can drive off that bridge when we come to it. Am I right? Huh? Oh....he's right behind me, isn't he."

Best of Jack Reacher
"...and it pays for itself with these term papers we'll sell online."

Best of Submariner
"...and Gerald Fitzpatrick! HA! that one always kills me..."

14 comments:

essay said...

Nice post. Thanks for sharing!

Rodney Dill said...

Damn Ted... You look pretty good for a dead guy.

jj said...

Damn!! Start a camera and see if Schumer can't break that 100 yd dash in under ten seconds...

blue said...

"You know guys, we forgot to say April Fool when we voted for Obama rather than Hillary! Oh well, I guess the joke's on us!"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Everyone laughed when dead Kennedy the zombie staggered into the room growling "Feed me brains" and Mitt's witty retort was "You'll starve if you expect to find any in a roomful of politicians!"

-OR-

Did you hear the one about a priest, a Scientologist and a Creationist who walked into bar? You did? Well, have you heard about Ron Paul?

-OR-

No, really guys, have you heard about Ron Paul?


Off Topic: If Mr. Dissertation actually reads these posts, will he use "the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor" in a paper and attribute VtheK as the source?

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Sorry, Rodney, I wrote my captions around 9:30 AM, fell asleep with the PC on, only just opened this tab and posted. Didn't realize you also spotted the dead guy. :-)

Jack Reacher said...

"Budget-busting? Well, we can drive off that bridge when we come to it. Am I right? Huh? Oh....he's right behind me, isn't he."

Jack Reacher said...

"...and it pays for itself with these term papers we'll sell online."

dub said...

Mittens: "And then the cop just blasted them with pepper spray!!"

Crowd: "Oh my god that is awesome!! HA HA HA HA!!!"

mpur said...

"...and then it's MY turn!"

Anonymous said...

Who says Mitt doesn't have a sense of humor? They had an office pool and Mitt put down $10 that Ted would be dead by June.

Vinneh

P.S.: I'm back.

Submariner said...

"...and Gerald Fitzpatrick! HA! that one always kills me..."

Submariner said...

So then Hillary says to me "You better stand back whilst I whips dis out!"

Double the U said...

The Science Fair

According to Principal Brian Williams, the school science fair this year was "very educational." At the same time, Principal Brian Williams announced plans to quit the school system and become a President. "It sounds like a safer job," the Principal said.

Several soft projects were disqualified this year. The experiment on Animal Magnetism by Nancy Pelosi was canceled before we could plug in her dog. The project by Barney Frank on Gravity's Effect on First Graders was canceled when the custodians wouldn't let him borrow a ladder. And the nuclear-powered spoon built by Rush Limbaugh was taken away by the police, who said Ron Paul will be back in school "any day now."

Mitt Romney won second prize with an experiment that asked, Can dog Learn Karate? (The answer was yes.) The dog tossed Principal Brian Williams over a congress office and left the science fair. Anyone who sees them should call the main office.

Hilary won first prize with her TNT tomato. By planting seeds in gunpowder and watering them with nitroglycerin, she grew tomato that explode when you drop them. "What a dynamite idea," the Principal joked angry. So far, nobody has figured out how the prize-winning tomato got into the salad served to the Principal at lunchtime. Just to be safe, though, the Vegetable Surprise has been taken off tomorrow's lunch menu.


Adlibs are so much fun!