Monday, October 10, 2011

SCOAMF Story Time


1. "... and the brilliant, handsome man promised them hope and change and the children loved him forever and ever... unless they wanted to see their parents rounded up and sent to the FEMA camps."

2. "You see, um, children... some people, have, um... more puppies than they should and um, they should all die."

3. "That's right, children. Um, everybody who turns in their parents to Attack Watch gets a puppy."

4. "But, sadly, the obstructionist Republicans in Congress didn't want any children to have any puppies at all..."

5. Tragedy ensued when one child asked if the puppy was "spayed" and got hauled off to sensitivity camp for using a racial epithet.

Best of Jack Reacher
Investigation reveals the Solyndra loan documentation displayed a startling lack of specifics.

Best of rodney dill
"I Won!!!"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Then, M'chell pulled out her eatin' shovel and scooped up... a puppy!!!

Best of blue
"Yes children, unless I am re-elected, your mommy will be forced to cook a puppy for your dinner!!"

Best of jj
It's ironic that there is a picture of Moe Howard on the wall. So does that make obama and biden Larry and Curly?

Best of Submariner
M'Chel has some, uh, great recipes for, uh, them. They fit, uh, perfectly! uh, on her, um eatin' uh, shovels...

Best of Dr. Doom
As it turns out, Uncle Zeituni's Cabin was not the page turner the White House Press Secretary had hoped for...

Best of Dactyl
Barack Obama: not that good at peek-a-boo.

Best of prince of leaves
"Today, children, we're going to be learning about Narcissistic Personality Disorder!"

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Ew, someone puked on the floor. Can we get a Jew... a janitor in here?"

Best of Oiao
Irony = When a two dimensional caricature of you has more depth than your 3 dimensional life.

37 comments:

Jack Reacher said...

Investigation reveals the Solyndra loan documentation displayed a startling lack of specifics.

Jack Reacher said...

Yes, Sammy Davis Jr. was a consummate entertainer, I agree. ATDHE.

Jack Reacher said...

ORA: I see "My Pet Goat" has been updated.

rodney dill said...

Obama reads MY PET GLOAT to members of Congress.

rodney dill said...

"I Won!!!"

rodney dill said...

"This is what Killing terrorists feels like."

"Cheney wrote his book, and I wrote mine."

Dreams of my Fatwa

"I'll tax you my sweetie, and your little doggie too."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

No, you little punk, the teleprompter wasn't airbrushed out!

-OR-

Thank you, children, for using the school PC and GIMP to create this custom version of Little Black SamBO.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

After spotting this photo on VtheK's blog, ACLU ambulance chasers filed suit to have the teacher, principal and 7 unnamed John and Jane Does tried and executed for displaying banners that perpetuate facial/racial stereotypes.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Then, M'chell pulled out her eatin' shovel and scooped up... a puppy!!!

-OR-

No, ya little punk, it's not a typo and wasn't supposed to say... "and the DNC searched high and low for... a puppET!!!

blue said...

"yes children, unless I am re-elected, your mommy will be forced to cook a puppy for your dinner!!"

jj said...

It's mine....All mine....

jj said...

It's ironic that there is a picture of Moe Howard on the wall. So does that make obama and biden Larry and Curly?

Submariner said...

"What do we call it? The Aristocrats!"

Submariner said...

It's what fer dinner when you serve Chicago style...

Submariner said...

M'Chel has some, uh, great recipes for, uh, them. They fit, uh, perfectly! uh, on her, um eatin' uh, shovels...

Dr. Doom said...

As it turns out, Uncle Zeituni's Cabin was not the page turner the White House Press Secretary had hoped for...

dadoctah said...

"Mind you, this version has been adjusted to your reading level. The high-school edition specifies 'Portuguese water-dog'."

wv: opandles. What you grab onto to pick up Ron Howard.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Once upon a time a sitting president had the gall to sue two states that were simply trying to catch and deport illegals, a civic duty the federal govt has intentionally ignored for years. To buy off the judges, he offered each ... a puppy!

Dactyl said...

Barack Obama: not that good at peek-a-boo.

Anonymous said...

"And, um, children, when I was in the, ah, Senate, they told me to quite being such an nagger, um, about the bills I never submitted or got passed.

-Oiao

prince of leaves said...

"Today, children, we're going to be learning about Narcissistic Personality Disorder!"

prince of leaves said...

As usual, the President brought his overweening ego for Show and Tell.

prince of leaves said...

"No, Jimmy, the question is not 'What did Mr. President like to set fire to when I was a little boy in Hawaii'..."

prince of leaves said...

Ever eager to top his predecessor, Obama continued to read for almost *fifteen* minutes while the *global economy* collapsed in flames.

Kaptain Krude said...

"All right, which one of you little bastards piddled on my shoe?"

Kaptain Krude said...

"Ew, someone puked on the floor. Can we get a Jew... a janitor in here?"

Rodney Dill said...

"This book is about a puppy, there is no fiddle in it."

Anonymous said...

"I thought I settled the birth certificate issue...KID"!

Vinneh

sonicfrog said...

God.... May be good and all that... But I.... I'm like... Tony th Tiger... I'm GREAT!!!!!

Submariner said...

Who knew blood would spread like that?
Now; would any OTHER child like to ask impertinent questions about Kenya?

Anonymous said...

Irony = When a two dimensional caricature of you has more depth than your 3 dimensional life.

-Oiao

dub said...

I'm rich beotch!

Kaptain Krude said...

"I, um, believe that, um, children are our, um, future. I, um, however, am the, um, present."

Kaptain Krude said...

ORA: Where's a Milo when we need him?

Submariner said...

"...and this is how I felt after being taught Socialism by Frank Marshall Davis. Would any of you like ME to teach you about wealth redistribution so you can feel like this?"

Anonymous said...

Little Billy: "You must be really proud of your latest autobiography, aren't you Mr. President."
Barack: "What makes you say that Billy?"
Little Billy: "Because you can sure as hell tell this one wasn't ghostwritten by Bill Ayers!"

Anonymous said...

Barack Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the discussion on the Word ‘tragedy.’ So our illustrious president asked the class for an example of
A ‘tragedy.’

One little boy stood up and offered: ‘If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is Playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a Tragedy.’

‘No,’ said Obama, ‘that would be an accident.’

A little girl raised her hand: ‘If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a Cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.

I’m afraid not,’ explained Obama. ‘That’s what we would call great loss.’

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Obama searched the Room. ‘Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?’

Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet voice He said: ‘If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a ‘friendly fire’ Missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.’

‘Fantastic!’ exclaimed Obama. ‘That’s right. And can you tell me why that would Be tragedy?’

‘Well,’ says Johnny, ‘It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell wouldn’t be a Great loss… And you can bet your ass it’s probably not an accident either.