Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Look at me, I'm as Helpless as an Intoxicated Moose in a Tree

Racerboy


1. Police were called this morning to break up a domestic disturbance at the home of one "Rocket J. Squirrel."

2. "Are you all right Mrs Jessica-Parker?"

3. Moose: "That damn honey badger did this to me... and he just doesn't care!"

4. ORA: Mr. Greenjeans enacted a gruesome revenge for all those avalanches of ping-pong balls.

5. There was a note on the carcass that read simply, "Ann Coulter, you're next. (signed) S.P."

Best of Dr. Doom
Bullwinkle's escape from Enumclaw ends in tragedy...

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
This photo is begging for a Dr. Seuss caption.

Best of Rodney Dill
Big racks are not a crime.

Best of GregMan
The Justice Department's "Mooserunner" program goes horribly wrong.

Best of Rodney Dill
The moose didn't buy insurance? Let's just let 'im die.

Best of dub
The Enumclaw Sheriffs Department found only the moose and 6 empty boxes of Butt Closures. Based on the evidence they believe they have identified 6,345 possible suspects.

Best of Rodney Dill
Methinks there was some cannabis in the muffin.

Best of racerboy
Apparently Prom Night in Enumclaw ends much the same as in any other small American town...

Best of Steve O
We got a description.
Put out an APB for a squirrel wearing a blue... something on it's head.

43 comments:

Rodney Dill said...

...and then the wheels came off the Sarah Palin campaign.

Rodney Dill said...

Palintropy - the tendency in any political discourse for civility and rational discussion to decline and degenerate.

Rodney Dill said...

Moosferatu

Dr. Doom said...

Bullwinkle's escape from Enumclaw ends in tragedy...

mpur said...

Once again, Bullwinkle gets drunk and thinks he's the flying squirrel.

Rodney Dill said...

Once the Heimlich maneuver was performed, both Bullwinkle AND Rocky were saved.

Rodney Dill said...

(Ok, one last time)
"PENIS GOOD TIME NOW"

(it just keeps working)

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Moose BDSM
Nobody in Eunemclaw will acknowledge it even when there's a 800-lb moose in the room.

-OR-

Long suspected of being a closet drunk, the Tea Party's iconic mascot is finally outed after a night of mixing too much "medicine" with too little tea.

-OR-

Rush Limbaugh on Oxycontin. He's sure let himself go, probably didn't feel a thing

-OR-

An older Dean Wormer still finds the oddest things left in his yard.

-OR-

Winthrop's Mayor Diddle declares war on neighboring Eunemclaw after a minor jurisdictional dispute escalates into moose-catapulting.

-OR-

This photo is begging for a Dr. Seuss caption.

Rodney Dill said...

Big racks are not a crime.

GregMan said...

The Justice Department's "Mooserunner" program goes horribly wrong.

GregMan said...

"Bad moose, bad moose, watcha gonna do! Watcha gonna do when they come for you!"

Rodney Dill said...

The moose didn't buy insurance? Let's just let 'im die.

Uchuck the Tuchuck said...

Crickey! We've just stumbled onto the extremely rare and beautiful Saskatchewan Nocturnal Three-toed Treemoose! What a beauty! Let's see if we can get a little closer!

dub said...

The Enumclaw Sheriffs Department found only the moose and 6 empty boxes of Butt Closures. Based on the evidence they believe they have identified 6,345 possible suspects.

dub said...

Mrs Obama, you ok?

dub said...

Using my handy flashlight, I found the next model for the Thursday photo shoot.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

We don't need no steenking blow up dolls!"
Conservative parents like Floyd Dulmarn, his father and his father's father repeatedly vote NO whenever Eunemclaw tries introducing sex ed to the classroom. "If cornholing a moose or grizzly was good enough for my pa..."

Rodney Dill said...

It aint' called Moose Juice for nuthin'

Al Gore said...

"You see! Global warming is making the trees grow so fast that the moose can't get out of they way."

manthy said...

LOL - Cool Blog - I needed a good laugh today.

http://ismanthyhere.blogspot.com/

JohnS1959 said...

A drunken moose stuck in a tree is the best metaphor for the Obama administration economic policy I have seen to date...

Carpe Phlogiston said...

@JohnS1959
Sad thing is, fat guy with flashlight is a great metaphor for impotent Republicans who have no legit plan for removing dead mooses but instead will hang another moose atop it and gamble that maggoty fat cats and bankers can eat the carcasses before the tree collapses.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Look Travis, I was wrong to assume turkeys could fly... but this time Herb swore the parachute was strong enough to support a moose!
ORA WKRP

essay writing service said...

Poor animal!

Rodney Dill said...

Valet parking never knew quite how to handle Palin's ride.

Rodney Dill said...

Methinks there was some cannabis in the muffin.

Anonymous said...

"Hey guys,do you think you could stop the jokes and get this branch out of my ass"?

Vinneh

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Ron Popeil's Canned Hunting Preserve ensures that even a blindman can walk away with a nice trophy. Choose from: Moose on a Stick, Shooting Ducks in a Barrel, Swinging Burlap Bag o' Cats, Leggo My Leghold Trapped Beaver and the popular Feral Pig Skeet Shoot.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

business phone call derailed train of thought

Ron Popeil's Canned Hunting Preserve ensures even a blindman can walk away with a nice trophy. Choose from: Moose on a Stick, Shooting Ducks in a Barrel, Swinging Burlap Bag o'Cats, Leggo My Leghold Beavers and the popular If Feral Pigs Had Wings Skeet Shoot.

racerboy said...

What's Swedish for "cheap date"?

racerboy said...

Apparently Prom Night in Enumclaw ends much the same as in any other small American town...

racerboy said...

Drunk moose's mating call...

"Did those damn elks leave yet?!?"

Submariner said...

Sorry Mr. Ranger, sir, but Bullwinkle finished before I did and just left me hanging here...

Submariner said...

Well, like Aslan said, I tried to leave it to the Beaver but...

Submariner said...

The Mrs. said she'd give me any "favor" I wanted if I'd just pick her an apple...

Kaptain Krude said...

"PENIS GOOD TIME NOW? No, sorry, that's the other end!"

Kaptain Krude said...

"And the last thing I remember is a knock on my door and a guy muttering something about hearing the good news about Ron Paul, and the next thing I know, I'm up this tree!"

Kaptain Krude said...

By the way, V, is that a Ray Stevens reference in the title, or something else?

dadoctah said...

"This was no boating accident! Wait, what?"

JohnS1959 said...

@CarpeP
Amen to that. What would a perfect metaphor for the fair tax look like?

Dr. Doom said...

@essay writing service
Perhaps you could write a poignant essay on the plight of inebriated ruminants in America. I am confident that V the K would post it here for our critical review...

Carpe Phlogiston said...

@JohnS1959
"Fair" and "Tax" can't really be used in the same sentence when corrupt career politicians are flushing a country down the toilet by gaming the system.
Metaphor for a VAT tax would be the moose drowning in a giant oak wine barrel.
Metaphor for a FLAT tax would be dead moose in middle of a monster truck rally.

Steve O said...

We got a description.

Put out an APB for a squirrel wearing a blue... something on it's head.