Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Whoever That Is Has Really Let Herself Go

Divine Miss M

(It's Sinead O'Connor)

Captions from an Ugly Chick Thread at AoSHQ

1. She was so ugly as a baby, her mom had to feed her with a slingshot.

2. She's so ugly, that when she went to the zoo, the guard said: "Thanks for bringing her back."

3. She's so ugly that when she tried to enter an ugly contest they said, "Sorry, no professionals."

4. She's so ugly that when she goes to the bank they turn off the surveilance cameras.

5. She's so ugly that when she checks into a hotel, she's required to post an additional deposit for possible carpet cleaning.

Best of USMC2841
She's so ugly Big Foot comes out of the woods to take pictures of her.

Best of metalgarth
Rumor has it the prom was cancelled in fear that she was someone's date.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Ethel was disappointed with her 3rd Place finish in the Televangelist Idol contest.

Best of Spin
The Pope wasn't all that 'tore-up' since Sinead let herself go.

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
She's so ugly that Lemmiwinks was refused to enter.

Best of Censors Hip
That women so ugly the pope tore up her picture.

Best of Rodney Dill
...and just after 10 weeks of attending the Hillary Clinton School of Beauty.

Best of Rodney Dill
"What hump?"

Best of GregMan
Rosie O'donnell finds religion. Religion runs away screaming.

Best of Matt the K
It's been seven hours and fifteen years
Since you took my mirror away
I eat out every night and sleep all day
Since you took my scale away...

Best of divine miss m
My new diet includes an 8 x 10 glossy of this on the fridge door and a wallet-size on every pint of Ben & Jerry's.

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
It's over, it's over!!! The fat lady is singing!!

43 comments:

Hooray for Captain Spaulding said...

Mmmmm... I'd use that roll right there under the cross. Juicy. Juicy.


WV:dogis (No. I am NOT kidding)

USMC2841 said...

She's so ugly Big Foot comes out of the woods to take pictures of her.

metalgarth said...

Rumor has it the prom was cancelled in fear that she was someone's date.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Taking a page from VtheK's success, the church leaders launched Beer Belly/Muffin Top Sundays.

-OR-

David Attenborough anxiously whispers: I'm hoping this is just a freak coincidence, and not a sign that the creature caught in the purple deep sea net spawned.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Sorry! We seem to have had a slight wardrobe malfunction-

David Attenborough anxiously whispers: I'm hoping this is just a freak coincidence, and not a sign that what was caught in the purple deep sea net spawned.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Betsy claims the cross must work because she's never even seen a vampire. Vampires we spoke with have a different explanation.

-OR-

Mr. Blackwell's 2011 Worst Dressed Women's List will continue just as soon as Richard finishes with the airsick bag.

-OR-

Ethel was disappointed with her 3rd Place finish in the Televangelist Idol contest.

-OR-

The new Salvation Army uniform was met with mixed reviews.

Spin said...

Get thy self to a nunnery.

Spin said...

The Pope wasn't all that 'tore-up' since Sinead let herself go.

Spin said...

Pray she doesn't name you in the paternity suite.

sonicfrog said...

Extreme ORA: Andrew Ridgley's latest attempt at a solo career has gone about as well as George Micheal's latest latest stint in rehab.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Nothing Compares To Moo

Son Of The Godfather said...

Pope John Paul II laughs from high above.

blue said...

She's so ugly, that...
....her birth certificate was an apology letter from the condom factory.
....when she looks in the mirror, the reflection looks back shaking it's head.
....even the elephant man paid to see her.
....she didn't get hit with the ugly stick, she got hit with the ugly log.
....people hang her picture in their cars so their radios don't get stolen.
....even the tide won't take her out.
....when she got in the tub, the water jumped out.
....she could scare Cujo off a meat truck.
....even Bill Clinton wouldn't sleep with her.
....the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
....

Chronos the Wonder Pig said...

She's so ugly that Lemmiwinks was refused to enter.

Chronos the Wonder Pig said...

make that-
She's so ugly that Lemmiwinks refused to enter.

Censors Hip said...

That women so ugly the pope tore up her picture.

USMC2841 said...

Can we just move on to Thursday?

Rodney Dill said...

...and just after 10 weeks of attending the Hillary Clinton School of Beauty.

Rodney Dill said...

"I... ate... a baby...."

Rodney Dill said...

"What hump?"

Rodney Dill said...

Hasn't she Amy Whinehoused yet?

(too soon?)

Dr. Doom said...

Meet the newest Bishop of the Episcopal Church...

metalgarth said...

Hasn't she Amy Whinehoused yet?

(too soon?)


Nah, that jokes has been 5 years in the making.

GregMan said...

Rosie O'donnell finds religion. Religion runs away screaming.

GregMan said...

Animal Planet's "Finding Bigfoot" takes a surprising turn.

Matt the K said...

It's been seven hours and fifteen years
Since you took my mirror away
I eat out every night and sleep all day
Since you took my scale away...

Matt the K said...

Never thought I would long for the days of a shaved head.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

George Lucas unveils a Darth Vader from an alternate universe in Star Wars Spaceballs or "Don't drop your schwartz in the shower!"

mpur said...

She can't be that ugly, she's wearing about two grand worth of gold around her neck.

Aussie Rob said...

Cruel, people, cruel.

Aussie Rob said...

"ALELHUUUUIAH, ALELUUUUIAH!"

Rodney Dill said...

Bald is beautiful

divine miss m said...

My new diet includes an 8 x 10 glossy of this on the fridge door and a wallet-size on every pint of Ben & Jerry's.

jj said...

She's so ugly that when she took a tour of the White House, obama was heard screaming, "M'chelle, they put too much chlorine in the pool again?"

Chronos the Wonder Pig said...

It's over, it's over!!! The fat lady is singing!!

mega said...

"And while I challenged my good friend Rick Santorum on abortion, Chris, I also think Cain and Ron Paul had good points."

Oddly, she placed third, and no one disagreed.

divine miss m said...

When she hangs her underwear out to dry, the neighbors lose an hour's daylight

metalgarth said...

She's so ugly that when Jani Lane saw her... HE DIED! What too soon?

metalgarth said...

She's so ugly that when (some other random celebrity) saw her they DIED TOO to complete the Amy Winehouse, Jani Lane trifecta. What! too soon?

racerboy said...

"I beat anorexia, and you can too!"

WV: thour - how lemonth tathte...

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Lilith Faire Hootenanny

-OR-

Female Priest or Satan's Spawn?
You may find it difficult to stop staring at the gut, but check out the red eyes!

WordVerify: hanchop - What you could find in a clumsy butcher's display case

dadoctah said...

Meet Beulah Kardashian, the sister nobody talks about.

mega said...

"Why don't the other 49 states take our Straw Poll seriously?"