Saturday, August 13, 2011

The Things We Used to Do on Grass


1. "What a crock. There were no auditions for South Pacific. I hate freshman hazing week."

2. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't know the Avalon Ballroom had a dress code.We'll just go home and play WoW or something."

3. Barney Frank lamented the end of the House Page program, but at least there would be one last luau.

4. "You might wanna start running. Old Man Sullivan is gettin' out his Weed Whacker."

5. "... the really disappointing part is we still didn't get the Klondike bar."

Best of prince of leaves
Creatively bankrupt Hollywood's latest retread of the "fish out of water" plot motif involved albino headhunters relocated to suburban San Diego.

Best of blue
"Are we Pacific Islanders or Kenyans??"
"Don't know dude, either way we're racist!"

Best of Double the U
So then I said, "She'll never swallow an entire foot long corn dog in one bite!" and I made this bet... and so here we are.

Best of Silhouette
But, because they had V's, all the V-Chested Sneetches
Would brag, “We’re the best kind of Sneetch on the beaches.”

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
I can't help wondering if the residents of Chicago's South Side are going to fully appreciate the ORA of our Gilligan's Island Halloween costumes.

Best of Banana Republican
This way to Army of Mom's Luau

Best of Vinneh
Now that Don't Ask Don't Tell has been repealed a couple of Hawaiian National Guard troops show up for their monthly drill.

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
No Ted. I DON'T think they would have let us in if I "woulda just painted a V on my chest too," so will you just freakin' drop it?

Best of USMC2841
No way dude. I'm the Gilligan that saved Mary Ann from headhunters. You can be the Gilligan that saved Mrs. Howell.

Best of Rodney Dill
"So why is your screen name Corndog?"
"I'll explain later."

Best of Submariner
Why did that Dawn lady's head blow up when I explained we're "spear-chuckers?"

27 comments:

prince of leaves said...

Creatively bankrupt Hollywood's latest retread of the "fish out of water" plot motif involved albino headhunters relocated to suburban San Diego.

prince of leaves said...

"Hey Tyler, why do I have the feeling that we're living out the opening scene to Die Hard III?"

prince of leaves said...

"Is that an anthill in your grass skirt, or are you just happy to see me?"

blue said...

"Are we Pacific Islanders or Kenyans??"
"Don't know dude, either way we're racist!"

Double the U said...

So then I said, "She'll never swallow an entire foot long corn dog in one bite!" and I made this bet... and so here we are.

Silhouette said...

But, because they had V's, all the V-Chested Sneetches
Would brag, “We’re the best kind of Sneetch on the beaches.”

Carpe Phlogiston said...

After the environmentalists' fake "lost" tribe in the Amazon you'd think they'd quit, but noooo... their fall back plan involved protecting landscape topiaries in greater Waukegan.

-OR-

A frustrated ACLU lawyer said he couldn't think of any hate crime the white guys in Akron were committing... but he vowed to keep looking.

-OR-

David Attenborough whispers: We've located a rare suburban tribe that uses complete sentences to communicate, and plays music with both melodies and harmonies! I saw no gesticulating, nor heard any mindless repetitive drumbeats or grunting so common amongst primitive tribes on the other side of the tracks.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Bert and Ernie decided that participating in the Neighborhood Watch Program could be fun as well as a way to do their high school community service hours.

-OR-

The Closet Door is Ajar
Look, we lost the bet, but the girls didn't specify what kind of skirts we had to wear! Jeez, Sam, why do you keep saying you had your eye on Jane's taffeta peplum dress?? What the hell IS taffeta peplum??

Wordverify: scomonel - As soon as Rush Limbaugh heard this chemical-sounding nonword, he asked how he could score some.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

We're eighteen, Jimmy, it means we can now show our support for the candidate of our choice.

-OR-

And they were never heard from again...
I can't help wondering if the residents of Chicago's South Side are going to fully appreciate the ORA of our Gilligan's Island Halloween costumes.

Adriane said...

Dude, we're wearing grass skirts and the goat has a funny look in its eye ... RUN!

jj said...

I told you we needed coconut bras to pull this off...

jj said...

Oh shit...It's Bwarney Fwank...and he's carrying a weed whacker...

Dr. Doom said...

"Well frankly Colby, that paint on your chest and arms makes you look a little ghey", said Tyler...

Rodney Dill said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

"Are you sure that pledging the Delta Gays is a good idea, Jimmy? This grass is chafing my butt wounds from last night's party."

Oiao

Banana Republican said...

This way to Army of Mom's Luau

Anonymous said...

"When Representative Frank said we needed a lei to go with our outfits, I knew it was time to get the hell out."

Vinneh

Anonymous said...

Now that Don't Ask Don't Tell has been repealed a couple of Hawaiian National Guard troops show up for their monthly drill.

Vinneh

Uchuck the Tuchuck said...

No Ted. I DON'T think they would have let us in if I "woulda just painted a V on my chest too," so will you just freakin' drop it?

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Getting a Rise out of the Apes
Lester, stop giggling. This is a serious sequel. We're two white guys trying to carjack a Lexus driven by an ape in the suburbs. Talk about a plot filled with irony!

sonicfrog said...

How NOT to get a date with the Obama sisters....

USMC2841 said...

No way dude. I'm the Gilligan that saved Mary Ann from headhunters. You can be the Gilligan that saved Mrs. Howell.

Rodney Dill said...

"So why is your screen name Corndog?"
"I'll explain later."

Rodney Dill said...

"Now all I need is my Magic Helmet."

Submariner said...

Why did that Dawn lady's head blow up when I explained we're "spear-chuckers?"

Submariner said...

I'm into the Swahili and all, Larry, but Mrs. Thornton was really pissed when we took down her Lion Dog with our spears...

Submariner said...

Didja get the giraffe call, Steven?