Friday, August 19, 2011

Anti-Dub Friday

Garth


1. "Hey, mom, didn't we used to have a sister?"

2. On the left, the Paul Ryan budget. On the right, the Tea Party budget. In the center, the "compromise" budget. Not pictured, the Obama budget, because satellite imaging was not available.

3."Hey, mom, didn't we used to have two dogs?"


4. "Damn, Aunt Michele. Who would have thought you'd bloat up that much from one corn dog."

5. At first, Rick and Billy were upset by mom's weight gain. But having Princess Leia dance for their pleasure in a gold metal bikini was more or less worth it.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
"There's a thin beautiful girl trapped inside trying to get out." Yeah? What possessed you to EAT her in the first place???

Best of Rodney Dill
"How many of them there corndogs did you eat Ma?"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
"The camera adds 300 pounds."

Best of GregMan
A metaphor for how big government crowds out job creation in the private sector. Really, really big government.

Best of Dr. Doom
Wow that is one well built... couch...

Best of Rodney Dill
That's no moon....

Best of dub
We're gonna need a bigger sack of flour.

Best of Steve O
Middle America.
There. I said it.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"You can have my couch, M'chelle Obama, when you pry my cold, dead butt cheeks out of it."

Best of dadoctah
To be fair, Molly actually *is* big-boned. You know, like a triceratops....

Best of Matt the K
Yo momma so fat, when she sits around the house, the couch says 'to be continued'.

Best of jj
Somewhere in America theres a gynecologist about to commit suicide.

Best of divine miss m
When she hangs out her underwear to dry, the neighbors lose an hour's daylight.

30 comments:

Carpe Phlogiston said...

"There's a thin beautiful girl trapped inside trying to get out." Yeah? What possessed you to EAT her in the first place???

-OR-

Phase One of Nora's plans to survive a nuclear winter nears completion. Just have to stockpile 1 or 2 more truckloads of dove bars, bacon and cans of Crisco.

-OR-

Guess my weight, win a ride on the Tilt n' Hurl. BTW, I AM the Tilt n' Hurl.

-OR-

Uh oh, time to panic. She's sitting on the eye bleach.

Rodney Dill said...

"How many of them there corndogs did you eat Ma?"

GregMan said...

Man, that is one ugly sofa cushion in the middle there.

GregMan said...

Rebecca relaxes on her couch with lunch, dinner and a between-meals snack.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

"The camera adds 300 pounds."
Oh, thank goodness, Madeline. I thought you were overweight!

-OR-

Edna's family christmas card test shot wearing only half of the Santa costume.

WordVerify: subbil Don't know how subby feels, but that photo made me ill.

GregMan said...

A metaphor for how big government crowds out job creation in the private sector. Really, really big government.

Rodney Dill said...

Q: How can she fit into a size 12 dress.
A: You take the "C" out of truck,
and the "F" out of way.

Rodney Dill said...

Never said no to, "You want fries widdat?"

Dr. Doom said...

Wow that is one well built... couch...

Anonymous said...

Jussipussi

Chronos the Wonder Pig said...

Bo & Luke are really glad that this cousin does not wear Daisy Dukes.....

Anonymous said...

It's easy to see why Alice's farts would send the family scurrying.

Vinneh

blue said...

Geez, for all these years we thought that Dawn's head exploded......

dub said...

Came to make the Jussipussi joke, see that I'm already too late. Leaving disappointed.

Rodney Dill said...

That's no moon....

Anonymous said...

I thought a doublewide was a trailer not a pant's size.

Vinneh

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Dub, I doubt it's jussi, just incredibly sweaty in that fetid swamp sort of way. Undoubtedly a threat to small animals and any kids that fall in.

-OR-

Sheila "partial eclipse" Morton belches and proudly says, "I shops at the same fashion drapery store as Michelle O... Boat Sails and Circus Tents R Us"


-OR-

At least she's gainfully employed. Job Title: Control subject for wind tunnel drag coefficient tests.

-OR-

ACLU took her case against the sofa store for advertising "seats 5 comfortably." Car manufacturers are very worried.

-OR-

David Letterman's Top 10 "Things She'll Never Say" -

10. Oh Dub, you say the nicest things.
9. Sure, you can have my pie.
8. Do these pants make my butt look fat?
7. Hello, Victoria's Secret?
6. Hello, Boudoir Photos?
5. I'm a Size Zero!
4. Oh gosh, no more... I'm full.
3. Can you take this skirt in a bit?
2. I'm sure the bridge's weight limit is just a rough estimate.
1. Here, child, come sit on my lap.

-OR-

Where butt pimples go to die.


WordVerify: borner - similar to birthers, only a borner claims to know where O was born rather than where he was not

dub said...

We're gonna need a bigger sack of flour.

Steve O said...

Middle America.

There. I said it.

Kaptain Krude said...

"That couch," M'chelle Obama whispered, "I can't tell if I can make a dress out of that or not."

Kaptain Krude said...

"You can have my couch, M'chelle Obama, when you pry my cold, dead butt cheeks out of it."

dadoctah said...

To be fair, Molly actually *is* big-boned. You know, like a triceratops....

Matt the K said...

Yo momma so fat, when she sits around the house, the couch says 'to be continued'.

Matt the K said...

Broyhill's new Richard Simmons designer series davenport with steel I-Beam construction proved a resounding success in Middle America.

Anonymous said...

"So, does this dog make my ass look fat?"

Submariner said...

Carpe Phlogiston said...

WordVerify: subbil Don't know how subby feels, but that photo made me ill.


Pardon me, Carpe; I was throwing up a little on my keyboard. You were saying?

jj said...

Somewhere in America theres a gynecologist about to commit suicide.

jj said...

Obviously a Tea Party plot...barry finds this white woman....woman sits on barry's face....barry never heard from again. Budget compromise completed!

divine miss m said...

When she hangs out her underwear to dry, the neighbors lose an hour's daylight.

Rodney Dill said...

(ORA)
Octomom soon gave way to "Lord Stanley Mom"