Saturday, July 09, 2011

Breathe


1. ORA: Dennis Hopper fans, still in mourning.

2. These devices capture 98% of exhaled carbon dioxide. The EPA intends to make them mandatory for all citizens beginning in 2018.

3. ORA: San Francisco residents have discovered a way to constantly enjoy the smell of their own farts.

4. After huffing several cases of spray paint, the Casy Anthony jury was ready to deliver its verdict.

5. Despite their best attempts to fit in, Ted and Mary were never fully accepted in the Folsom Street Neighborhood.

Best of Adriane
Wow ... just goes to show how far cell phone technology has advanced these past few years!

Best of DaveP.
"Honey? ...are you sure this qualifies as foreplay?"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Again, why are we smelling Big Bird's feet?"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
June Cleaver and Lumpy enjoy a little "time out" with the help of their friend, nitrous oxide.

Best of Jack Reacher
Dick Morris and his editor agree his next book will be phoned-in.

Best of prince of leaves
America 2015: Obamacare death panels offer those over 40 an array of gentle end-of-life options to choose from. But choose one must.

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
Inhaling helium deeply, the actors get ready to tape the roles of Bart & Lisa on the Simpsons.

Best of Vinneh
Kevin James needs to lose some weight or he'll be on oxygen for the rest of his life.

Best of jimmy
Secret footage from the control room over at the new Keith Olbermann show.

Best of dadoctah
I think my favorite episode of "Hazel" was when she left the corned beef and cabbage cooking in the house over an entire three-day weekend.

Best of GregMan
"Don't worry, Sally. With these masks we can survive even one of M'chell's queefs."

Best of Rodney Dill
Talk to me Goose

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
"So, we're just supposed to sit here in the coed locker room for 6 months?"
Budget cuts really hit NASA's Mars isolation training program hard.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Whew! That was the worst speech from Obama I've heard yet!"

29 comments:

Matt the K said...

Worst ventriloquist act evah!

Adriane said...

Wow ... just goes to show how far cell phone technology has advanced these past few years!

DaveP. said...

"Honey? ...are you sure this qualifies as foreplay?"

dadoctah said...

"I for one welcome our new elephant overlords."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Again, why are we smelling Big Bird's feet?"

ORA: Dennis Hopper fans, still in mourning... Why does that make me think of Pabst Blue Ribbon? :)

Son Of The Godfather said...

June Cleaver and Lumpy enjoy a little "time out" with the help of their friend, nitrous oxide.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Once they realized the discovered devices were alien jock-straps, it was agreed never to speak of the moment again.

Jack Reacher said...

Dick Morris and his editor agree his next book will be phoned-in.

Spin said...

Our Miss Brooks tries to get some 'face time' with fellow teacher Phillip Denton in the boy's locker room.
As always he never took the hint.

VW - i c i p p Mr. Denton will die a virgin it seems.

Kaptain Krude said...

ORA: The Idea Men marveled at the simplicity of the whole idea. "Wouldn't it be cool if we did the whole thing from a blimp?"


Good God, I wonder how many people are going to get that.

wv: muties - Well, maybe, but you're being too judgmental, word verification system.

Anonymous said...

AL Gore, Inc. presents the newest in personal carbon sequestering technology!

149.95! Three easy payments so that you can feel like a good Liberal Progressive who sucks up Junk Science on AWG!

Double the U said...

Like any normal guy George kept thinking, "I wonder if I have a chance now?"

prince of leaves said...

After test stills of the facehugger FX from the upcoming "Alien" pre-prequel appeared online, it became clear the franchise had reached a low-budget dead end.

prince of leaves said...

America 2015: Obamacare death panels offer those over 40 an array of gentle end-of-life options to choose from. But choose one must.

Chronos the Wonder Pig said...

Inhaling helium deeply, the actors get ready to tape the roles of Bart & Lisa on the Simpsons.

Anonymous said...

Kevin James needs to lose some weight or he'll be on oxygen for the rest of his life.

Vinneh

jimmy said...

Secret footage from the control room over at the new Keith Olbermann show.

dadoctah said...

I think my favorite episode of "Hazel" was when she left the corned beef and cabbage cooking in the house over an entire three-day weekend.

Submariner said...

Obama got elected? Looks like I oicked a bad week to quit sniffing glue!

Anonymous said...

Thawt bubble: "fer crying out loud; it's been an hour - spit or swallow already!"

GregMan said...

Somehow "Leave It To Beaver" wasn't quite the same when performed at 30,000 feet in an unpressurized airliner.

GregMan said...

"Don't worry, Sally. With these masks we can survive even one of M'chell's queefs."

Rodney Dill said...

Upon hearing that Sarah Palin was not running for President, 47% of Americans required Oxygen.

Rodney Dill said...

Talk to me Goose

Carpe Phlogiston said...

"So, we're just supposed to sit here in the coed locker room for 6 months?"
Budget cuts really hit NASA's Mars isolation training program hard.

-OR-

WTF was that?
It sounded like a big wicker basket hitting the portapotty next to this one, Georgie.
Oh, that's okay then. I was afraid Helen finally figured out why I take long bathroom breaks!

JohnS1959 said...

"This one smells like hope", said Bob to the Product Tester.
"And change", chimed in Sally...

Dr. Doom said...

The rarely seen aftermath of Sweatin' to the Oldies with Richard Simmons...

Anonymous said...

Pictures of my wife and me watching the Disney channel.

Vinneh

Kaptain Krude said...

"Whew! That was the worst speech from Obama I've heard yet!"