1. "Aw, c'mon mom. Why can't I watch them blow up the dead whale with the other kids?"
2. "Mom, get lost! I'm just one hot chick away from appearing on the Hot Chicks with Douchebags blog."
3. "Forget it, mom. I've made up my mind. I'm having the sex change, no matter how imperfect the results are." A pivotal event in the life of young Rubin Maddow.
4. "Geez, mom. I have my perfect all black Goth beach ensemble, and you have to ruin it with this stupid white hat. I hate you, you bitch!"
5. "Mom, I appreciate your effort to be supportive, but if you insist on documenting every minute of my trip to Fire Island, I'm never gonna get laid."
6. Tom Cruz confronts the papparazzi.
7. "Why am I upset? Hurley ate all my food, Sawyer gave me the nickname 'Shimp-dick,' and that creepy Richard guy keeps asking me to join 'the others' in some creepy ageless Neverland deal. I *hate* this stupid island!"
8. Ang Lee's remake of Gilligan's Island was called off do to creative differences; specifically, Justin "Gilligan" Bieber's refusal to do love scenes with Brian "The Skipper" Dennehy.
Best of blue
"But Mom!!! Even Captain America Wanks."
Best of Double the U
Quick, get the picture of the jellyfish in my mouth!
Best of GregMan
"Aw, c'mon mom, you know damn well you don't have this outfit!"
Best of Submariner
Would you put the camera down, fer Gaia's sake? This erection's lasted over four hours already!
Best of Jack Reacher
"We elected Obama, and the oceans did not begin to recede! I'm beginning to think it was all a bunch of hooey."
Best of metalgarth
Look just because your my guidance counselor and you took me to Pizza Hut doesn't mean that I have to swim naked for you!
Best of mega
"Moooooooom dad's drifting away on a log. call for help!!!!!"
"OK, ok, I just gotta finish this round of Angry Birds and I'm on it."
17 comments:
Y'know, - just hold your mouth like this and rock back and forth on the ol' schnitengruben...
"But Mom!!! Even Captain America Wanks."
How Nature Cleans the Gene Pool
You're waiting to get a PICTURE??? Lady, a freaking wall of water suddenly surging 25' high and coming at you at 40mph ain't like taking vacation photos at Waterslide USA!!
-OR-
What do you mean "How am I enjoying our vacation?" Agnes, so far I've stepped on a syringe, tar balls and part of a dead rotting corpse. Next summer, we're staying home.
-OR-
Okay, you got the candid shot of me pretending I'm a fish gasping for air. Happy, now?
Quick, get the picture of the jellyfish in my mouth!
"Aw, c'mon mom, you know damn well you don't have this outfit!"
"Aw, c'mon mom, I want to go watch the weird ghey horse-head mud wrestling!"
Would you put the camera down, fer Gaia's sake? This erection's lasted over four hours already!
Couldn't you have found a more subtle superhero shirt than Johnny Storm hollering "Flame On!"?
You were wrong! You were wrong!
Peeing on my foot didn't stop the sting from stepping on the jellyfish at all!
Many Nebraskans brought out their cameras in awe when it turned out that global warming was, in fact, real.
"We elected Obama, and the oceans did not begin to recede! I'm beginning to think it was all a bunch of hooey."
Anthony Weiner has suddenly become camera-shy.
Look just because your my guidance counselor and you took me to Pizza Hut doesn't mean that I have to swim naked for you!
"Moooooooom dad's drifting away on a log. call for help!!!!!"
"OK, ok, I just gotta finish this round of Angry Birds and I'm on it."
David Hasselhoff learns you can't revisit old triumphs.
"Check your batteries, Bitch!"
- Oiao
Yes, a bit raw, but .... what?
MOM!! With a roll like that you'll never make it on a Thursday.
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