Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The Redneck Bride

blue

1. You think this is bad, you should see how Jeff Foxworthy's remake reimagines Westley.

2. Seems a bit late to be administering this kind of test. How did she do on the trailer hitch, by the way.

3."All right, she's fully inflated with Helium. Let her go!"

4. Oddly enough, Barney Frank has both the outfit and the gag reflex.

5. "Geez, Billy Bob, were you dropped on your head? It's taking three guys to pull her off and get her to the altar, and you wonder if she's getting cold feet?"

Best of blue
In redneck country the virginity test misses the point.

Best of Matt the K
Kegger? Didn't even blah blah blah

Best of Adriane
You know Adelaine, if you married into the Bush Family, you only would have had to promise not to reveal the baked bean recipe. But Noooo, you had to marry into the Busch Family ...

Best of jj
Anniemae was sooo talented. When the beer keg ran out of CO2, she was able to re-pressurize the keg.

Best of mpur
What? *More* royal wedding photos?

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Freshmen girls are so gullible... "Guys, are you sure this cures hiccups?"

Best of Oiao
There is no brass left on the door knobs either.....

Best of sonicfrog
Not to be outdone by Newsweek's recent scandalous Kate Middleton / Princess Diana cover shot, Time magazine has decided to feature a behind-the-scenes picture of the Royal bride on their front cover!

Best of dub
This is the last time she'll be swallowing, trust me.

Best of I Wish I Knew
After Jessica successfully transmuted the poisonous Water of Life into a harmless psychogenic liqour, the Fremen wedding party really kicked into high gear.

Best of dadoctah
Meghan McCain tries once more to steal the spotlight from Bristol.

Best of Spin
If not for the tiara this might be considered tacky.

30 comments:

Dr. Doom said...

In New York, the new tradition has one bride do a keg stand while the other is sets up the beer pong table...

Double the U said...

It's only an old wife's tale that drinking upside down gets you drunk faster. In another couple of years you will be telling it.

blue said...

In redneck country the virginity test misses the point.

Matt the K said...

Kegger? Didn't even blah blah blah

any mouse said...

Why Brandine is always a bridesmaid, never a bride

Adriane said...

You know Adelaine, if you married into the Bush Family, you only would have had to promise not to reveal the baked bean recipe. But Noooo, you had to marry into the Busch Family ...

jj said...

Anniemae was sooo talented. When the beer keg ran out of CO2, she was able to re-pressurize the keg.

jj said...

The bride's revenge...semen backwash!

Mr. Hankey said...

...and once she gets it spitted up good, it will primed for mounti...

I'm sick.

mpur said...

What? *More* royal wedding photos?

Carpe Phlogiston said...

SIS??

-OR-

Barmaid trainees are taught that "putting a head on a beer" doesn't mean the same thing as "giving head to the beer."

-OR-

Freshmen girls are so gullible... "Guys, are you sure this cures hiccups?"

-OR-

RuthAnn's read the Drunktionary and demonstrates that "blow one" means "give me a beer."

-OR-

Budweiser Pilates

-OR-

Debbie Does Coors

Son Of The Godfather said...

"R-I-I-I-COLA!!!!!!

Son Of The Godfather said...

Fiance: "I have some concerns about you spitting the beer into a napkin and asking where your 20 bucks is..."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Drill, baby, drill!

Son Of The Godfather said...

"You ruined our bro-clan, b*tch! into the keg the hard way!"

Oiao said...

Webster definition of 'sucking UP'.

Oiao said...

There is no brass left on the door knobs either.....

Anonymous said...

"The bride cuts the keg,
the bride cuts the keg.
Hi ho the cherrio,
the bride cuts the keg."

Vinneh

sonicfrog said...

Not to be outdone by Newsweek's recent scandalous Kate Middleton / Princess Diana cover shot, Time magazine has decided to feature a behind-the-scenes picture of the Royal bride on their front cover!

Anonymous said...

They knew why Fred married her when she emptied the keg and it started to collapse.

Vinneh

Matt the K said...

After firing Teller, Penn's 'Levitating Bride' act really jumped the shark.

dub said...

This is the last time she'll be swallowing, trust me.

Submariner said...

>shhhhhhhhh<
She thinks it's Heiniken...

Submariner said...

That's one of the most life-like helium inflated love dolls I've ever seen a picture of!



v word - barkski - Didn't know Blogger spoke Russian, but I didn't think she looked that bad...

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Uncloseted Alcoholic - Ethel would claim she just tripped, but the clenched bitemarks about 4 inches down on that metal pipe plus claw marks from her grip on the rim say otherwise.

-OR-

Bonnie thought this was great practice for the wife-swapping party's after midnight events.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Alcohol, the drug of choice for 9 out of 10 cuckhold wedding receptions.

dadoctah said...

Celebrating the renewed attention after the competing Harris-Hefner wedding was called off.

Anonymous said...

After Jessica successfully transmuted the poisonous Water of Life into a harmless psychogenic liqour, the Fremen wedding party really kicked into high gear.

dadoctah said...

Meghan McCain tries once more to steal the spotlight from Bristol.

Spin said...

If not for the tiara this might be considered tacky.