Wednesday, June 08, 2011

Nature Sucks

Al


1. Scientists believe they have identified the species of ape Chicago politicians evolved from.

2. To MTV's surprise and delight,  it was possible to reach an even dumber demographic than the Jackass audience.

3. Monkey thoughtbubble: "This'll teach ya to compare me to Barack Obama.

4. Reincarnated Jack Kevorkian is still devoted to putting losers out of their misery.

5. "Light, of my life. I'm not gonna hurt ya. You didn't let me finish my sentence. I said, I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just going to bash your brains in. ..."

Best of mpur
Nature's way of saying "Stay inside, douche."

Best of dadoctah
In Soviet Russia, monkey spanks *you*!

Best of blue
Yet again, Acorn is caught intimidation voters

Best of Jack Reacher
Andy Breitbart's work to reform the mainstream media suffers a setback.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
OSTA: "Careful, Miri, it's a grup! Bonk bonk, on the head!"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
You know it's going to be a bad day when monkey ninjas beat the sh!t out of you and swipe your wallet.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
David Attenborough whispers: Just as in the US, ghetto monkeys in Kenya work in gangs. One pretends he's been hit and when the stupid tourist stops to render aid, the others beat him and hijack his scooter.

Best of Dr. Doom
Dateline Kenya: The most interesting man in the world died today on the outskirts of Nairobi. He was attacked while attempting to harvest monkey urine for a controversial series of PETA commercials...

Best of Army of Dad
Planet of the Macaques

Best of Submariner
♫ Bang, bang, Maxwell's wooden mallet came down, on his head...♪

28 comments:

mpur said...

Nature's way of saying "Stay inside, douche."

dadoctah said...

In Soviet Russia, monkey spanks *you*!

GregMan said...

Ibrahim is about to find out that Bobo wants him to get off his lawn.

blue said...

yet again, Acorn is caught intimidation voters

Jack Reacher said...

Andy Breitbart's work to reform the mainstream media suffers a setback.

Matt the K said...

In Communist Cuba, piƱata hits YOU.

Son Of The Godfather said...

OSTA:

"Careful, Miri, it's a grup! Bonk bonk, on the head!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Monkey thought bubble:
"Nice jacket there, Barney... Get your stinkin' paws off me, ya damned dirty grape!"

Son Of The Godfather said...

You know it's going to be a bad day when monkey ninjas beat the sh!t out of you and swipe your wallet.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Hey, it's that annual Kos get together...

Carpe Phlogiston said...

David Attenborough whispers: Just as in the US, ghetto monkeys in Kenya work in gangs. One pretends he's been hit and when the stupid tourist stops to render aid, the others beat him and hijack his scooter.

Submariner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Submariner said...

Typical liberal candidate glad-handing the population after a speech. OVERQUALIFIED liberal candidate in 3... 2... 1...

Submariner said...

Well, THERE'S your problem, right there...

Dr. Doom said...

Dateline Kenya:

The most interesting man in the world died today on the outskirts of Nairobi. He was attacked while attempting to harvest monkey urine for a controversial series of PETA commercials...

Anonymous said...

"Come on Zippy. Why can't you be a good monkey and just throw shit at me."

Vinneh

Army of Dad said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Army of Dad said...

Planet of the Macaques

Army of Dad said...

Marsellus Wallace's henchmen get medieval on Zed.

Submariner said...

Normally at the zoo, the monkeys only beat off themselves...

Steve O said...

Bonk! Bonk! On the head!

Submariner said...

David Attenborough whispers: "Female Capuchins tend to be very territorial about their mates. Here we witness one responding to a PETA activist collecting unauthorized sperm specimens for the Calcutta Zoo primate cross-fertilization project..."

Submariner said...

♫ Bang, bang, Maxwell's wooden mallet came down, on his head...♪

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Indian Irony: When the weaver outsourced the 2-rupee an hour rug beating jobs to squirrel monkeys in another village, unemployed macaques went postal on his ass.

sonicfrog said...

Monkey with stick: "Oh, Sorry Mate!... I thought you were Prince Charles for a moment there, and... well... you know...".

sonicfrog said...

Monkey with stick: "Oh, Sorry Mate!... I thought you were Natalie Portman for a moment there, and... well... you know...".

Adriane said...

The New, Amazing Trunk Monkey not only protects your daughter while in the car ... it also bashes Anthony Weiner when he tries to sext her from the street!!!

MissC said...

Man is part of an experiment in face replacement after a monkey attack.