Friday, June 24, 2011

Lawn Jerkys

Schneider


1. Obama: "OK, I give up. Which one of those windows is the door?"

2. "Why is, um, General Zod hovering over the White House? Should I be, um, concerned about this?"

3. "What's ceiling cat doing on the roof of the White House?"

4. "OK, Mr. President, let's imagine that when you came into office, the National Debt was waist-deep. By the time you finish your first term, it will be neck deep... on that guy standing on the roof up there."

5. Biden: "Yeah, the lawn sure looks a lot nicer since we fired those lazy black guys and hired some Mex... Ooooh, awkward. God bless ya, anyway, Mr. President."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Jeez, what have I told you about PDA's, Joe?? Get your grubby hand out of my crotch until we're inside. Camera's always on, you horny old retard.

Best of Mr. Hankey
...and we could put the 18th hole right here.

Best of HLam
"Who knew the Chinese could foreclose on the White House? Now where do we go?"

Best of Double the U
Eventually Americans would vote for anyone, President Larry Appleton and Vice-President Balki Bartokomous can be seen here walking into the White House on their first day in office.

Best of Artfldgr
Ya, know... it was one of my most important decisions... to switch to Scotts AstroTurf Builder...

Best of Artfldgr
I know, I know, Americas broke and I have to do my share, but how many times does it take to shoot a "Mens store" ad?

Best of Submariner
THERE'S the egg we couldn't find last April!"

Best of Vinneh
Leading the President by his dick, Brian Williams' interviews are getting a bit too friendly.

Best of Spin
Soros' man leads his charge just like a pull toy

Best of Chronos the Wonder Pig
4 pumps, Mr President?

Best of Jack Reacher
"The assessment came in a bit below where we'd planned, but I think we can still work a home-equity line of credit on this place. Anyone know Chris Dodd's banker?"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Stand perfectly still, Joe! Those Seal Team 6 guys are still a bit miffed at me taking all the credit, and I just heard a click under your right foot."

39 comments:

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Look, Biden, there goes that damned rat. Fetch boy fetch!
Arf Arf Arf

-OR-

Jeez, what have I told you about PDA's, Joe?? Get your grubby hand out of my crotch until we're inside. Camera's always on, you horny old retard.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Look boss! There's a jumper on the roof!
That got old 2-plus years ago, you moron.

-OR-

Hot white chicks at 1 o'clock!
Where? I have a digital watch.

Mr. Hankey said...

...and we could put the 18th hole right here.

Mr. Hankey said...

In true Hollywood fashion, the two antagonists slowly walk away without looking back at the massive explosion they've just caused.

HLam said...

"Who knew the Chinese could foreclose on the White House? Now where do we go?"

mpur said...

I thought it was M'Chel's job to lead Barry around by his dick.

Double the U said...

Eventually Americans would vote for anyone, President Larry Appleton and Vice-President Balki Bartokomous can be seen here walking into the White House on their first day in office.

Unscrupulous said...

People let me tell you 'bout my best friend,
He's a cold-hearted person who'll screw me till the end.
People let me tell you bout my best friend,
He's a home-boy or-ga-nizing toy, my up, my down, my socialist pride and joy.

People let me tell you 'bout him he's so much fun
Whether we're wipin' with the Constitution or lyin' hand in hand.
Cause he's my best friend.
Yes he's my best friend.

Anonymous said...

It's a two-fer. Two for one fake Birth Certificate.

Anonymous said...

Why is Obama humming the tune 'Let me tell you bout my best friend....'?

prince of leaves said...

"You know Steven, it sure was nice of the Obama's to let us use the White House for our wedding. Oh look! They've even got a weddingmobile decked out for us!"

Artfldgr said...

Three seconds after this picture was taken, the sprinklers came on...

Artfldgr said...

Ya, know... it was one of my most important decisions... to switch to Scotts AstroTurf Builder...

Artfldgr said...

Do me a favor, ask Hillary if she has any more of those reset buttons

Artfldgr said...

So what your saying is Im your left hand man?

Artfldgr said...

I know, I know, Americas broke and I have to do my share, but how many times does it take to shoot a "Mens store" ad?

Submariner said...

I see "Bad" and "Ugly." Where's the "Good?"

Submariner said...

Yeah, I think we'll have enough room here on the lawn for our "moving Sale" in 2012...

Submariner said...

OK, then; subdivide this property, grease teh appropriate palms, and begin the "Chicago style" bidding process for the tenements.

Submariner said...

"...and the, uh, McPatterson's should go here on the,um, left. Um, it's good to keep my, uh, community organizing, uh, skills current for my, um, next job.

Submariner said...

Thawt bubble on roof; "I'f i spin him by being just a bit off center, I wonder if they'd track the trajectory back to me?"

Submariner said...

Other thawt bubble on roof; "If they turned 90 degrees, I could take 'em both out with one shot. Might get a Hero of Freedom Medal from Congress... A promotion..."

Submariner said...

THERE'S the egg we couldn't find last April!"

blue said...

Mr. President, remember the line in the Beatles song "Joe, Joe was a man who thought he was a women?"

Anonymous said...

Leading the President by his dick, Brian Williams' interviews are getting a bit too friendly.

Vinneh

Best of said...

After securing passage in New York, Bruce and Trevor move on to Washington DC.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Boss, y'know that guy who used to disparage me and call you Obamalama? 'Chel and I buried him right there.
Good to know. Patriot Act indemnifies you, right?
Oh fer sure, we checked.

Spin said...

Soros' man leads his charge just like a pull toy

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Barack, you think the silly cries to turn DC into a state are loud? Ain't nothing compared to the demands flooding in to relocate the Capitol to Wichita, wall off this ghetto from MD/VA and turn it into a giant prison. And, most want to leave Congress, the Supremes, the Fed, Treasury and IRS behind!!

jj said...

To da choppers....

Chronos the Wonder Pig said...

4 pumps, Mr President?

Jack Reacher said...

"The assessment came in a bit below where we'd planned, but I think we can still work a home-equity line of credit on this place. Anyone know Chris Dodd's banker?"

Son Of The Godfather said...

Obscure Caddyshack Alert:

Carl Spackler: "This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff."

Son Of The Godfather said...

"Stand perfectly still, Joe! Those Seal Team 6 guys are still a bit miffed at me taking all the credit, and I just heard a click under your right foot."

Son Of The Godfather said...

This picture only makes sense if Spock shows up sporting a perfectly manicured goatee.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Two artifacts in this picture lead me to believe the person with Mr. Obama is not Joe Biden:

1: The other individual has hair where Joe sports a skin-cap.

2: The other individual is wearing shoes.

Submariner said...

ORA:

The royal penis is clean, your highness.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

ORA: Monty Python

I really hate walking back to the house. That French guy on the roof spits in my general direction, insults my mom and claims he has a solution to the debt crisis but won't share it.
Heads up! Incoming cow! Oh wait, is that Hillary, Kagan or Sotomayor?

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Beats me, Subby. I couldn't tell the difference between a goat and a sheep the other day. Without a program it's well nigh impossible to tell which dumbass liberal is currently jerking the royal scepter. There's a "political plum" joke in there someplace, but I'm not touching it.